ATL_VSG
Just getting started
Jan 10, 2014
This is my second time at working on getting VSG in Mexico. I'm a 32 year old grad student in Atlanta. My student insurance doesn't cover weight loss surgery, and unfortunately, Affordable Healthcare Act plans in the state of Georgia do not either. So- my options are to relocate to a state with better health coverage, or use my loans to pay for surgery in Mexico. While spending that much money is going to hurt, I actually feel really good about going to Mexico. Dr. Garcia has so many good reviews, and so much experience, I have to believe that I will be in good hands. My previous attempt was also with Dr. Garcia back in 2011, same situation-self pay because of no insurance coverage. Two weeks before my surgery date, I started having major flank pain, and I knew exactly what it was- another kidney stone. Kidney stones are expensive- especially if you're like me and have had four surgeries due to stones. I had to postpone the surgery and wait until I could save the money up again. So here I am- another 40 pounds heavier, with all the operative risks that go with the extra weight, but determined to do this.
Because I have a high BMI (69.9), the doc wants me on a 3-4 week liver-shrinking diet. I'm five weeks out from my planned surgery date, and thought I should just go ahead and get started. This is hard. It's really hard. I find myself having to recommit to my goals every couple of hours. Just one food commercial on TV and I start questioning myself. Am I really ready to give up food? I start thinking about all the ways I've failed at losing weight, and telling myself how this will be no different. I have a lot of fear about the surgery, about how I will manage eating afterward, and about how my body will look afterward. Tonight, I gave in to my insecurities, and found myself wallowing in self pity, surrounded by junk food (not going to mention potential trigger foods here). I talked to my best friend who is going to Mexico with me next month. Her mother had gastric bypass many years ago, and because she watched her mother go through this struggle, I think she really understands me. She talked me through my episode and helped me refocus on my goals. I started a Pintrest board with pics of my goals. It's my intention to add to that board when I'm feeling the urge to give up.
Although I've been overweight my entire life (I was the fat kid in kindergarten), I've done a lot of things most people would never believe I could do at my size. At 360 pounds, I backpacked for days on the Appalachian Trail, carrying a 45 pound pack. I've squished my fat behind in plane seats and traveled to 13 countries- often carrying a backpack and going from hostel to hostel. I've snorkeled the most amazing places in Mexico, Tahiti, and the Florida Keys. I spent a summer directing Girl Scout camps in remote Alaskan towns. Through my work as a teacher and student, I repeatedly stand in front of large crowds to talk about my research or deliver lessons. What I'm getting at, is that I made a commitment to myself that I would never let my weight stop me from doing anything I wanted to do. I came to love and accept my body. Fast-forward to the time I hit my 30's, and the picture is different. At 420 pounds, my knees hurt. Walking from the parking lot to my apartment is a challenge. I find myself avoiding events on campus because I cannot keep up with the other students. The campus buildings are too far apart, and I get winded walking from one to another. I've been isolating myself in my apartment, because I'm too big for so many things now. I can't fit in chairs with arms- ever, and that's really embarrassing when I go for job interviews. My discomfort must come out in the interview, because I've never got a call back from a potential job. Even though I really can't afford it, I'll likely have to buy myself two plane seats for my trip to Mexico. This is not the life that I want to live.
I'm so inspired by the stories of so many people on this board. Thank you for your posts, advice, and general messages of goodwill. I'm glad I'll be joining the loser's bench in just a few weeks!
