BandCamper
Life as it is...
Nov 12, 2010
My weight loss has settled into a routine also. I will go three or four weeks with no change in my weight, but I get smaller a bit at a time over those weeks. I can tell from how my clothes fit that I'm shrinking. Then, as happened today, I will weigh during my weekly weigh-ins and I will have lost up to eight pounds all at once. This has been the only consistent part of my loss. I can't explain it, and I'm sure my NP or my nutritionist can, but I don't care. I've gotten over disappointment and frustration about not losing every week because I know one weigh in will come and I'll be way down into another "decade" of weight. I hung right over 200 lbs for weeks then all of a sudden, I was 197. I stayed there for weeks then hit 193. I would gain a pound then lose that a couple of times over the weeks too. Then, suddenly, today I am 186 after being 194 last Friday. Has anyone else experienced this too? It just seems my body won't want to let go of it then suddenly, bam, it's gone. I feel so satisfied. I've lost a total of 53 lbs now over 9 months - 40 of it since surgery. wahoo!
I'm enjoying see everyone's progress photos. I'll get mine up when I can. i haven't looked at them collectively yet...I'm procrastinating but I don't know why. Perhaps I don't want to see where I was and I know I'm not at goal yet...I'm about half way there so maybe I'll look then. Don't know...I will have to think about that.
Best to you all....what a ride this is! Sending good thoughts to everyone. :)
L.
Fill 'er up...
Jul 03, 2010
Had my second fill on July 1st. They added .5 for a total of 5.0 in my band. The nutritionist feels I am very near, if not at, my sweet spot. Hopefully, a steady loss will now begin. Since my first fill on May 28th, I've lost and gained and lost again, but she indicates our bodies try to adjust to how they used to be and our metabolisms just freak out.
Good news is my blood sugars are pretty consistantly in the normal range. Fasting and post meals are anywhere between 90 and 120. Wahoo!! I feel SO much better, my memory is better and I have lots of energy. This is great as I just started my new job as a property broker so it's nice to feel good while working and learning so much.
Still bagging up clothes to share with those who are shinking also. Finally gave in and hit the vintage/resale store to rent more clothes for awhile. I say rent as I don't really get to own them for too long. Some jeans I bought a month ago are now clown size on me so into the bag they went and off to the store I went to retain some new ones. Yay!!
Happy 4th to all...I'll be eating a few bites of a hamburger patty and maybe some cole slaw. Don't eat much now which is fine with me!!
xoxox Lori
Speeding ahead....
May 29, 2010
It’s now been 7 weeks since surgery. I could write for days about the changes and experiences that I have encountered in these few weeks, but I have lots of stuff to do today, so I’ll keep it brief.
Another is the ability to paint my toe nails! I was able to reach all the lil piggies – even the little one – and it felt so good! Looking at my toes makes me happy now. J
Another was yesterday when I was doing some online training for my new job (I’m studying for my property broker license) and I was up on my bed with books and my laptop all around me. I could bend over to reach things and fold my legs up under me, which I haven’t been able to do in years. I crossed my legs the other day while sitting at a restaurant. I can reach to higher shelves in the kitchen as I can get closer to the edge of the countertop. I don’t mind bending over to reach things below me as it’s not laborious any longer. These are all subtle changes, but give me so much joy as I progress. I know there will be many more and things that I can do but just haven’t noticed yet.
I performed last week on a stage for the first time in years (my husband and I play swing and bluegrass music). I was able to wear a cute little green sharkskin suit that I’ve had for years but haven’t been able to wear. I was actually excited about it instead of dreading it, afraid of what people would think. When I saw the photos and video of the gig, I was so pleasantly surprised and not mortified to have people see the images. Now I’m thinking of cute ways to wear my hair and the types of clothes to wear onstage as I am shrinking. I want to try a French twist style as my hair is longer, but I have no way to do it! I’ll have to hit up YouTube and see if there are how-to videos! It just feels SO good to not feel so embarrassed about being in front of people.
Blessings to all as we push along in our journeys!
Xoxo Lori
Surgery and days hence...
Apr 17, 2010
I checked in at 10am on Wednesday, the 7th of April. I was sent to the surgery center where I was ushered into my pre-op prep room. Surgery was scheduled for noon, but it only took them about 45 minutes to get me ready, so Dr. Spitz popped in at 10:50am with the anesthesiologist (sorry, his name is a blur). They did their thing and wheeled me off to surgery at about 11:15 –early is good!
Woke up in recovery and chatting with some nice recovery nurse and somehow got on the subject of bluegrass music and discovered we had common friends (I am a musician – as is he). Wheeled up to my room where another very nice gentleman took over my care, I recall his name is Steve. He helped me call my husband’s cell phone as no one had notified my husband and daughter where I was! They spent the rest of the afternoon with me and I was released at 6pm! Wahoo….home I went!
One of the biggest wins so far is that I don't have to take my diabetes meds so far (or anymore I am hoping!). Dr. said that as long as my blood sugars don't sustain lower than 70 or higher than 150, I shouldn't take the Glumetza!! So far, my highest reading was 142 and my lowest 92, and that was only once each. Average of fasting/morning is 125 and afer meals is 100!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed so far, but am getting really excited that I can sustain this win! Now, next is the blood pressure meds as they are the ones that are really f'ing with my memory! Wahoo!! I'm so excited to see such quick, good results on the diabetes front!
Xoxoxo Lori
Surgery Day and home again!
Apr 07, 2010
Will write more later, and send best wishes to everyone!!
oxoxox Lori
I'm a loser!! :)
Apr 01, 2010
Well, one week in to the pre-op diet and it’s going ok. I’ve had some head hunger, and I’m really wanting something crunchy to chew on other than my fingernails! I caved and ate some mushrooms as the nutritionist said I could put some sliced mushrooms in my broth, as they have no calories. That’s all it took for me to rationalize that I could eat some more and not sliced up in the broth. I felt bad so skipped having any in my broth to make up for it. Ha…like it was a deal I made with the Food Fairy.
The good news is that I’ve lost 8 lbs in the first 7 days! That was exciting! And it’s been a motivator as I was thinking about any calorie free food I could get away with (there’s that making deals with the Food Fairy again) so I tried to think about trying to get to a 21_ number instead of 222 as I just weighed in at. That would be cool before going in for surgery! Hopefully that will happen before Wednesday and it helped me to stop thinking about what I can get away with! And I’m not even hungry; I’m just waiting for time for another protein shake and knitting to keep my hands busy.
I read the article on the home page of OH website about people making comments. Very timely as I haven’t even had surgery yet and I had to ward off unsolicited advice! I had to phone pharmacist to see if I could crush all of my meds to take after surgery for the first week. He had all of my meds records and started telling me how I should see a nutritionist to try to lose weight to resolve all of my co-morbidities instead of taking “drastic measures like lap band surgery” to do something I could just do myself if I tried hard enough! The nerve!!! I started thinking about the article and the advice it gave about how to deal with these ‘well meaning” buttinskis! Finally, he took a breath and I just thanked him for his information and insights and hung up! Ugh! That felt good. I wasn’t going to argue with him or tell him that I’ve already done ALL of that and it didn’t help me to lose weight. I guess that was a warm up to deal with people who wanna tell me what to do!
The next few days will be busier, which will help pass the time before Wednesday, surgery day. My daughter is flying in on Tuesday to stay for a week to help out. That will be fun and I’m getting the house ready for her too. It won’t be long now and I’ll continue to be a loser!
Pre-op stuff...two weeks to go!
Mar 28, 2010
Thursday brought day one of my pre-op two-week liquid diet. Went shopping Wednesday night at Costco for the protein shakes (Muscle Milk – Chocolate shake flavor powder and Premium Protein Shake Vanilla powder – each are yummy. If used with skim milk it adds 100 calories but they taste much better). An interesting thing happened while we were there shopping, We walked passed the spring bathing suit display. Normally, I would have zoomed right past thinking “yeah, right.” This time I stopped and looked at them. I just stood there thinking “holy crap….I just might get to wear one of these really cute two piece bathing suits someday!” They were two-piece but the top had a little fabric that went down over half the semi-brief style bottoms. They really weren’t bikini style, which would totally work for someone with some extra skin around the middle, but upper legs look ok. That’s what I’m hoping for anyway. I couldn’t stop looking at them and feeling the fabric and feeling like my life might be coming back to me. I've hated having activities that I once loved no longer an option. I used to love going to the beach, swimming at my Mom’s in San Diego, and using a Jacuzzi at a hotel, stuff like that. I haven’t done that in ten years at least. I realized that I’ve never been swimming with my husband and we’ve been together 8 years. These thoughts overwhelmed me and I started getting a lil bit teary. My husband saw me and knew exactly what I was feeling. He came over and put his beautiful long arms around me and just held me and told me that my life is going to get better and better, which just made me feel more emotional as it all came flooding into my thoughts and heart. Ha, usually bathing suits cause people fear and pain and here I was excited at the prospect!
The diet has been pretty easy so far. I’m on day 4. The shakes are good, but it’s kinda cold in our house as we aren’t burning our stove much to conserve our wood and pellets, so I would love a hot meal with something to chew, but I’ve not been hungry at all. I was told by the NP not to weigh every day, as I would just get frustrated. Not a problem there, but I was curious, so yesterday morning I did weigh to see if the scale had moved. I didn’t expect much as it had only been 2 days, but I had lost 5 lbs!! Wahoo! I know most would be water weight, although my daughter – an athletic trainer – said that since I’m taking in 108 grams of protein each day, I won’t have the water weight loss as in a regular diet, so that felt good to hear. I won’t weigh again until day 7 next Wednesday so I will hopefully be really surprised.
I’ve succumbed to hot chicken broth twice just to have something salty and warm. I’ve used that before with diced green onions and sliced mushrooms, and the nutritionist said she has no problem with me continuing with that as there are no calories in either and they offer some nutrients. That sure makes it nice to have something to chew on! I admit, that when I was washing the mushrooms I bought, I ate a few. Also, last light I was not wanting something sweet again for a snack (jello or SF popsicle) so I made a pile of 12 hulled sunflower seed kernels on the table and ate one at a time. They tasted SO good!
Day one of the diet, I was kinda crabby, no energy and feeling off kilter. Since I'm diabetic, that is normal according to the nutritionist. Friday and Saturday though I felt pretty good. My energy is back although I think I’m colder than I usually am. We fired up the wood stove yesterday to get the chill off the house and that was really nice. Might do so today if it doesn’t warm up much.
I’m SO glad to be going through this while I’m not working. I was laid off last month and although being unemployed sucks arse big time, it’s a blessing in disguise as it’s much easier to have my time to myself without big demands. If I had to work at my old job and stay on my game, I’d have a lot more trouble I think. I do look for work still, of course, but I’ll hit it much harder after I recover from surgery.
I love reading everyone’s blogs, posts and profiles. The before and after pics are my favorites and SO inspiring! Blessings and best wishes to everyone!
Pondering...
Mar 11, 2010
I have been looking for a new job, as I'm required in order to maintain my unemployment benefits, but will hit it much harder after the initial bump of weight loss from pre-surgical liquids and post surgical restrictions. From what I am reading, it could be as much as 30 lbs. That'd be cool as since my overall goal is 100 lbs, a third of the way in 6 weeks or so would be really great! I would feel and look much better and not so afraid of being discriminated against for being so overweight. That feels much better for me to think about than taking such huge hits to my self confidence being overweight and trying to compete for jobs in this horrible market. I don't care what anyone says, fat people ARE thought to be lazy and under performing. I'm so tired of feeling that people think that I'm lazy and stupid because I'm overweight!
The more subtle good things that are creeping into my thoughts are things like wearing those really cute little track suits - the ones with stretchy pants and a zip up matching jacket that look good on thinner people. I love those little jackets from North Face and they seem to fit so well on a cute figure. How fun if I would get to a point of wearing those.....and with skinny jeans! wahoo! I love clothes and when I was thinner, I loved putting together cute outfits and accessories. Now I just enjoy shoes and handbags. Don't get me started about my handbag collection! After I lose weight I will get to have really cute clothes to go with my handbags!
I've thought about how my husband might look at me and how he'll think about me after some weight loss. He always is so supportive and says he loves me just as I am, and I wasn't skinny when I met him, but I was thinner. He tells me I'm pretty and that he would love me and want me no matter what. I can't ask for any better than that, especially when I feel so unattractive and undesirable. I look forward to being someone he'll be proud to walk down the street with, or be seen with at a company function. I know his friends and acquaintances like me and don't judge me, they are that quality of people for the most part, but how fun it will be to walk into an event or function looking really good by his side and know he feels very proud to be seen with me and maybe turning some heads. I don't mean to sound superficial, but I want to give him that. He deserves it...he's so good to me and for me and loves me so much. I adore him and want to be my best for myself, for him, and for us together.
Mostly, though, I've been thinking of how this can be a real boon to my self image and self esteem. I've taken some hard hits the last 10 years through life events. There has been a lot of wonderful things happen too, but it's all been covered with a dark cloud of some challenging situations, and me feeling worse and worse about myself as a result. I want to clear the clouds and smell the fresh air and have a good start, feeling good about life and myself. The meds seem to cause a haze to my psyche too, so having those go away will be a great boon to me.
I will keep thinking about all of this and how it will help me through these times. What a nice coincidence all of this is happening now. I am getting fresh starts in my life and my career. Who knows what the future will bring, but I know it will not include me feeling so horrible about being fat. I'm beginning to feel a small tingle of excitement in my heart. I hope that keeps growing as these last few weeks go by before surgery!
Surgery Date!! Finally!
Mar 08, 2010
Gotta try to find the low carb SlimFast as that's what I'm told is what you drink as a staple for the liquid diet. Heard Wally World has it, so I will pop in there and grab some. Any suggestions on good flavors would be welcome...or any other advice anyone has who might be reading this. Yay!!!! I'm so relieved right now, and overwhelmed a bit too for some reason. Perhaps it's because as I sat on the airplane today and buckled myself in, I thought that perhaps this is the last time I'll fly when the seat belt is in it's longest setting and I won't have to worry about sitting next to someone and have them think "oh damn, I'm stuck sitting next to this chubby chick." I think the changes about to take place will start to creep in to my consciousness and help me to realize all that being heavy has entailed and will finally be over. I can't even begin to get my head around it. I'll have to ponder all of this......I'm sure I will have more to write about as the days pass before surgery. It's mind and heart boggling!
The first call...
Mar 06, 2010
I attended the monthly support group on Tuesday night, the 2nd, and was greatly dismayed to learn that someone there just got their call that day from the scheduler and she is scheduled on MAY 3!!!! That's eight freaking weeks away! How long is this going to drag on!??!? There are others who started this process at the same time as I did and they've already had surgery. One issue was my case manager didn't see my psych eval in my file (it was completed in December) and it took emails and calls back and forth to tell her that it was done. She had been waiting for it for two weeks until I reminded her that it was done already. Ugh! I can't imagine her case load and it has to be daunting, so I can imagine she must have skimmed over several of my emails and calls that they requested when we finished our testing indicating ALL of my tests were done, and submitted to them. They are so nice there, I surely can't be mad at them, but 8 more weeks? I'm becoming dismayed and really don't think about it or am I excited about it anymore. It feels like the ever-moving dangling carrot. It's possible the person at group is using a different surgeon in the group or something, plus I'd heard that they only do lap-bands on Fridays (with my surgeon anyways) and this gal is scheduled on a Tuesday, so that could mean she's not on the same surgery schedule as I am. I guess I will wait and see when the schedule call comes in. It shoud be one day this week.
We'll see how it goes....perhaps I will be excited again once a date comes and it's not so far off.