sabrina H.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Down another 2 lbs! Kinda disappointed it wasn't more but last week I lost almost 4 lbs.

I saw my doctor today and he was pleased with my progress. He said that I'm above the 50th% percentile in my weight loss and that when he sees me in two months my weight loss should double. So with that being said I have a new goal!!! On April 4th I want to weigh 170.6 or less. Wow!! That seems like a lot!! That's 9 weeks so....2.6lbs per week!!! Well....wish me luck...it seems kinda impossible seeing that I lost 2 lbs this week but I guess I'll just do my part and leave the results up to GOD!!!

I'm going to start this by saying that I really did legitimately pass my psych eval.....I was so excited about having surgery. For 6 months everything was, "once I have my surgery" or "after my surgery"...ect. Guess what life is still the SAME. I am changing, but the circumstances that surround me aren't. I have lost about 30 lbs....I still have quite a ways to go but I really thought that after my surgery the things that cause me stress in my life would change ie; husband would be more affectionate, co-workers would take me seriously...ect.
I also thought the weight would just be flying off. I feel like I wake up every morning and the first thing that pops in my mind is, "am I skinny yet?" I check the mirror to see what kind of a "tummy day" I am having. Does it look bigger? Is it smaller? Are my love handles shrinking? Is thier more loose skin? Then I step on the scale....this week it hasn't started my day off very well. I had some struggles this week but 99% of the time I stayed on plan. I had difficulty tracking my food when I was at a family deal and I ate more than I intended. So....tomorrow is weigh in wednesday....wish me luck!

Well it's weigh in wednesday!!! I lost 3.6 lbs this week. Yay me. I like weigh in wednesdays because it's a good affirmation of what I've done the week prior. It tells me that what I did worked. Last week I worked out 4 days for about 2 hours each day and I started strength training. I'm starting to notice little things:

Don't have to worry about my tummy falling out the bottom!!
When I lay in bed with my son I can hold him closer because my tummy isn't in the way

:)

That's seriously what I thought at my first day back at work today. It's just such an unfriendly environment.....and today thier were fried cheese sticks in the cafeteria. I wanted one and then I was angry that I wanted one. That everyday I wake up wondering if I'm skinny yet and feel a bit disappointed when I realize I'm not and I wanted a fried cheese stick!!! I had lots of head hunger today. 12 hour monday!!! That'll do it...especially when you're a nurse at a drug and alcohol rehab center. Everyone wants something right this minutes....co-workers seem to be the worse. And I just remember when I felt the weight of the world on me and the pressure to have more information, be more efficient, be more and more and more. I had a few minutes during lunch where I would pick the most unhealthy thing I could find and just escape. No escape today. I seriously thought oh my God this is what they mean by it's "only a tool". I thought about fried cheese sticks all day and  during one of my daydreams about fried cheese, I started to panic because I I realized I could sabatoge this thing even 3 weeks out and I don't know how I would manage to survive that shame. I didn't go to the gym tonight....didn't get home 'till 8 and have to be back at 645....I feel guilty about it. I just feel like my serenity is slowly slipping away and it makes me very sad :( ...oh and don't even get me started on my marriage!

So, I've been going to the gym for about a week now. I can tell my endurance is getting much better. I did an hour on the treadmill one night!! Then I read an article about women who spend too much time on cardio machines actually create a hypothyroid state. I became frustrated to say the least. It's like everyone has a different opinion about exercise, proteins, carbs, ect. I just want to do it right and at time I don't know who to listen to! But tonight at the gym, I decided I'm going to listen to myself. I am not a bodybuilder or a model. I am not looking to get that "perfect body" ( not yet anyways! ) I want to lose fat - 100lbs to be exact. So I really figure anything I do to get my body moving and start developiong muscles is a plus. Somewhere along the line I developed this false believe that I cannot be trusted. I make "bad decisions", I "don't know what's best"....ect. I wait for others to tell me exactly what to do and I put my faith in the advise or worse in them. Well guess what - I can ask God to help me along the way and stay honest, open, and willing and I can trust myself. I let my head get the best of me sometimes and I just fall into fear ie; too much treadmill? I am using machine weights and not free weights is that okay? ect. Today I will remember that I have asked God to help me on this journey. I have lots of people praying for me. I can relax and do my very best and leave the results up to God and it will be okay. 

Today I was 199.4 - that's a total loss of 27.6 lbs!!!!!

17.6 lbs in the 20 days since surgery!!!! I want to get 3 more lbs off by February 1st so I can make it an even 20lbs in my first month!

P.S. No longer Morbidly obese :) Just obese :)

I saw my doctor today. He is very pleased with everything. I can take a bath now ( 2 weeks early )!!! And I can start doing strength training on monday.

I quit smoking 11/17....I gained 15 lbs. At my last "physician supervised weight-loss" visit I weighed 227 ( that was at the beginning of December.

 I did the pre-op diet for a week and dropped down to 217. I was 201 in the office today, so I have lost 26 lbs total and about 16 lbs in 18 days. 

Last year I started a program "wealth for my health" at 207lbs. in 3 months I got down to 193. I gained it all back of course. For some reason though I never really accepted the fact the I gained up to 227 and I feel like I can't really "celebrate" my weight loss until I get to 190, like nothing counts until I hit that number. 

I need to be grateful and proud of myself for what I have done, and accept the fact that yep...I gained over 20lbs in 6 months before my surgery. I knew it was going to happen and I planned for it to happen, so I guess I should acknowledge it and own it and be glad that it's almost gone!!!

I need to decide when my "weigh days" are going to be because I don't think it's good for me to weigh everyday. It just kinda drives me crazy. Maybe wednesday. Weigh in wednesdays!!!!

Scale is still stuck at 202ish. I added exercise in. I figured since I was off liquids it was time. I am actually not minding the pureed stage which is kinda surprising! I discovered that you can add all sorts of low-cal yummies to ground chicken/tuna/turkey and call it pureed.

My mood is tons better even with the stall. I went to church today. The topic is the 12 steps of spirituality based on the book, "breathing under water". Sermon was great! I did NOT want to drag my booty out of bed but it was exactly what I needed!!! Then we went to Sam's b-ball game... Those 9 year olds are sooo cute but they got thier tiny asses handed to them :) 

Fought with the hubby last night but for the most part the weekend was really nice. Spent time with my family and Jer's family ( in-laws ). Was consistent with exercise, tracked all my meals and still no hunger!!! No hunger, no cravings to go off the plan and no cravings for cigarettes!!! Thank you GOD!!!

So one day I wake up and I weigh 198.2. The next day I wake up and I weigh 206!! Nothing different about my diet. I always read stuff like this on the message board and I'm like yeah right you haven't changed anything....sorry for thinking that :) I guess this is the 2 week stall. I think it's time to start exercising. I'm sure it will help my mood and my weight loss. I originally going to take 2 weeks off from work and then I decided to take 3. That was a BIG mistake! I have no routine, no schedule, I sleep during the day after I take my son to school, then I'm up 'till like 2 in the morning. I decided that I didn't have to start working out until I got on pureed and I started pureed last night so Prarie Life here I come!! 

Not sure what it is that's getting me so down. Thier have been so many changes over the past couple years and I've isolated myself so much because I've been ashamed of my weight and my husband was gone and I didn't have a sitter and then he came back and I just wanted to be with him. Sometimes it's just hard I guess. I used to be a person that always had tons of friends and people around them. That changed after I got pregnant....for many many reasons that I won't get into here. Hopefully my mood will start to pick up soon!

Ok....happy not to be eating like a maniac....really really super duper happy that I'm not smoking and I don't have the urge too, I'm grateful that I'm not craving diet pepsi all day....but I really miss the bathtub. I have to wait until I'm 4 weeks post-op and tomorrow will be 2 weeks post-op.

Crazy thing... on 12/30 I came home from the hospital weighing 121lbs.....today when I got on my scale I was 201.8!!!! WHAT???? This is actually working.... I hate to admit it but I am actually kinda a "debbie downer". Thier was a part of me that thought other people may get these really fabulous results but that probably won't happen for you Sabrina...well guess when I'm getting fabulous results, and not just because I've lost 19.2lbs in 2 week! I'm think about food but not to the point where I'm having to white knuckle it like I honestly thought I'd have to. I'm still a NON-SMOKER!!!!! I'm not scheming about trying to get pop into my diet!!!

I'm still scared and thier is still fear that maybe my results won't be great or maybe this feeling won't last but you know what....today I'm just grateful for how these 2 weeks have gone and I'm not going to project into the future. Thank you GOD for getting me to where I am today....even though I still have a LONG way to go....removing the urge to smoke is huge!!!

Last cigarette 11/17