billiewallace
Getting ready for initial consultation to see if I can qualify for insurance to pay for Duodenal Switch Surgery.
2/7/02
I had my first consult with Dr. Husted yesterday, although I've spoken with him at length during a post-op appointment with my friend Virginia, who is a member here. He said I am a good candidate for surgery because my co-morbid health problems are in such early stages. He also said the way I carry my weight (on my trunk area), in conjunction with urinary incontinence and irregular menstrual cycles are early warning signs of Type II diabetes and high blood pressure. He said that these things combined with my family history make it clear that the surgery is medically necessary. With my height and BMI I am considered super morbidly obese. Now the waiting begins. The concern here for me is what the monetary cap is for my insurance company. They'll pay 80% for the surgery, but only 80% of their cap. I don't know what their allowable is for this type procedure. I am an at-home mom and my husband is earning a lot less after a year of lay-off. If we have to pay a lot for this procedure, it will create a financial hardship for my family. So I'm praying for God to smooth the path and provide so we don't have to be in enormous debt. Playing the waiting game....it could be awhile before I hear anything. Please God...I'd like to begin exercising in the summer so I can swim to build up endurance. An early Spring surgery would be such a blessing.
2/20/02
I was instructed by my Dr's secretary to wait about a week after my information had been faxed to insurance and call to check on my status. Before I called them, I called my Dr's secretary Vicki, and asked her to give me some protocol pointers on how to best approach my insurance representative. I was grateful for her input. I'm learning diplomacy as I get older, but I'm still not the best at it. I called yesterday and found out that they couldn't locate my information. So I was given a new fax number and a name so I could call today to see if they received the fax. I called back today to my insurance company and found that they had received my information and they have a 7-10 day turnaround for requests for surgery. So, I'll know something soon. I'm praying, praying, that God would give me this surgery as a gift. I've also asked Him to stop the process if it's not in my long-term best interest. So we'll see what the answer is. Here's hoping...
3/6/02
The day I wrote my last entry I found out I had been declined by my insurance company. I am in the appeal process. I am fairly despondent. I feel yucky...physically, mentally, and emotionally. If the appeal is denied, I'm done. I said in my last entry that if this isn't God's best for me that I want him to stop the process...well, I will take that as a NO, if the appeal doesn't get me anywhere. I will say this: Going through this ordeal has definitely made me take a long hard look at where I'm at. I think generally people who are morbidly obese live in hope that they'll get it together some day and be able to lose the excess weight. It's almost as if we keep running to that and it seems to be a type of denial. As long as we look toward that possibility, we don't ever take a hard look at what we're doing to ourselves. It seems to be a type of magical thinking. We only allow ourselves to consider that we'll muster up some internal moxy to stop overeating, all the while just stuffing ourselves to alleviate the anxiety that comes from knowing on a deep level that we're out of control and we're killing ourselves and we don't know how to get above the anxiety with enough consistency to realize significant weight loss. It's as if looking toward that illusive possibility of rational eating is a way of avoiding what's really going on. It's amazing how that denial keeps us swimming upstream even though the current that attempts to sweep us backward keeps getting stronger and stronger. For example: Before I allowed myself to consider this surgery as an option, I refused to really think about all the limitations I have on my life because of my coping mechanism. I made a list for my appeal letter, and it was very discouraging to look realistically at the corner I've painted myself into. It's so difficult to love myself when I know I'm sabotaging my life. I continue to ask the question: "Why can't I tell myself no?" I'm so angry at myself, and God. He's a big God, he can take it. I am so frustrated at Him for not bailing me out of this, and angry at myself because I don't even have the discipline to ask Him in the moment to give me grace to make it through an encounter with food without misusing it. I resent that my battle is with something I cannot boycott. What an existence.
4/4/02
Denied after my first appeal letter. I don't know how I feel at this moment. I am so exasperated that this seems just out of reach.
2/19/05
Well, here I am again. I have been working for a year and I have a different insurance that's supposed to cover WLS. I have tried and appealed once to get them to approve the Duodenal Switch for me, and have been denied twice. BC/BS for the State of Tennessee doesn't cover the DS unless you have a BMI of 60 or higher, but I didn't know that when I attempted to get coverage until I got my denial letter. I had given up again, and recently my friend Virginia who has had WLS encouraged me to do some more research. I began looking at the gastric bypass instead and found out that my insurance almost always approves it, so I'm applying again to see if I'll get approval for that. I'm waiting, praying. I've been on the site tonight looking at before and after photos and everyone looks so good and so much healthier. Boy, how I'd like to add myself to that gallery! :-) So, I'm hoping, and waiting. I should know something in a couple weeks.
2/28/05
Approved! I don't know how to feel. I can finally begin to think about life after surgery without hesitation. My surgery date is set for June 2nd. I am hoping to actually realize some weight loss before the surgery, rather than going on a final kamakaze destruction binge. Even some consistent exercise would be nice. Going into the surgery healthier than I am now would be such a bonus. So, I'm going to pray for a healthier mindset. Might as well get used to it now. I'm emailing folks from my surgeon's testimonial page to get feedback about what their lifestyle is like now. Especially the things you can't prepare for. The unanticipated things that take you by surprise. I've had a few people email me back with a lot of encouragement and hopefulness. So, the journey begins in earnest. Thank you Lord, for giving me this chance.
6/14/05
I am almost 2 weeks post-op! Laparoscopic is a great way to go for gastric bypass. I had a caesarean when my daughter was born and the recovery was so much harder b/c of the incision! I feel very good, and the only thing keeping me cautious and moving slow are my healing surgical wounds. I can feel my energy soaring, and desire to be out and about as much as possible, although I have to take it in small spurts and then take naps. I am so excited for the day when I can go all day without stopping. I was so limited prior to surgery and already things are clearing up. Saw my PCP a week after surgery and she took me off one of my BP meds and said I could probably lose the other in a couple weeks. Also, already 10 lbs lost at that point! The beginning of reversal of a miserable life. I can already see a difference in my face. My daugher and I are already making plans for rollerskating together and going to an amusement park next summer. The hope and excitement in her little face makes everything I'm going through worth it. She is now getting old enough that she was telling me before she even knew I was having surgery that she is ready for me to be thin now. She is getting impatient with me, and I don't blame her.
9/12/05
Life is good! Down 75 pounds, and as soon as I can find a place to post pictures again, I'll post something current. I'm feeling great and for the first time since she was an infant, can hold my daughter across my lap, facing me. This was the biggest wish I had prior to surgery. She sits on my lap and talks to me a lot now and I rock her to sleep on nights when she's scared. Great stuff, and I am so thankful. I'm getting a lot of compliments now at work and church, and grooving on that, b/c it's nice to feel pretty again. I'm going horseback riding next month--b/c I'm finally down past the weight limit and can sit a horse. One of my dreams coming true. I can cross my legs, tie my shoes easily, and I've bagged up 6 garbage bags of clothes to give to my friend's overweight sister-and I haven't even gotten into my winter stuff to see what's too big yet! They kept me in clothes when I was at my biggest, and now I can pay them back! Nice! I'm delighted and can't say enough what a good decision this was. But, WLS is NOT for sissies. I've had a stricture and had difficulty keeping anything solid down for the past two months. I got scoped and dialated (painless) and now I'm eating more, but it's still difficult. Nausea when I eat protein. But, I'm making myself do it. So, just know that it can be hard. But it is oh so worth it!
11/9/05
Weighed in today. Exactly 100 lbs lost! I am loving life. I have returned to college and will be applying in January for the COTA program at my workplace. I work at a community college. If I'm accepted, I'll be a full-time student as of Fall 06! Words are not enough to express the joy I feel most of the time now. So many changes...things I haven't been able to do for 20+years. I can now: sit in the tub to shave my legs, sleep without snoring, wear high heels, use mascara (before the fat pockets over my eyes smudged it off and I looked like a raccoon all the time), paint my toenails, curl up with my daughter in her twin bed to talk(I used to make her bed cave in), bound up and down stairs without holding onto rails or hurting, look good at the end of the day in my makeup (before I was too oily and it wouldn't stay on), sleep on my stomach, lie on the floor on my back without being in agony, wear jeans...the list goes on and on. Since the dialation of my stoma, I haven't had problems eating. I eat protein 3 times a day and also some veggies. My portions are SO small it wigs other people out. I can now eat a petite sirloin at O'Charley's which is 7 ozs. but it takes me all day to finish it. I eat a little at the restaurant and take it back to work and work on it all afternoon. But man oh man, is it good! :-) At work I usually have 1/2 an apple with super-crunchy low carb peanut butter on each bite for a snack. I have no regrets--other than getting so big that I needed this in the 1st place. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
February 06
Life is good, and the recovery from obesity is deep! Please see my blog (web address at top of page) for details about the major changes I've been going through. My weight loss has slowed dramatically as I've gotten to the point where I can eat again--but I'm okay with that, and it's still coming off steady. I seem to lose 4-6 pounds a month at this point, and that's without worrying a whole lot about how much I eat. The pouch is controlling that for me--I get uncomfortable fairly quickly if I try to eat too much. My rule of thumb is to try to eat more protein each meal than carbs, and that seems to be working for me. I eat several small meals a day. I found out yesterday I was under 200 for the first time in 20 years. What a blessing! When I first began this journey I emailed a lot of people who'd had gastric bypass, asking for details about how it was going. No one was very forthcoming. Now I know why. There is no way to prepare for the experience of rapid weight loss, and the stuff we go through is too...intense and complicated to try to explain to a preop in an email. Also, it's very private and there is quite a bit of grieving to do once you begin to look at things you've been avoiding. Don't get me wrong...life is good--better than it's ever been, with TONS of brilliant, wonderful experiences all the time! For example: this past weekend my husband and I celebrated our 12th anniversary, and for the first time, I felt very sexy and beautiful being out on the town with him (which we never did b/c I was too physically stressed and never felt good about how I looked). It was an incredible shot in the arm to be one of the most attractive women where we were. Also, it felt good to go dancing and shake a tail feather! We capped the night with the most wonderful intimacy we've had since we've been married. Shocked both of us! So, lots of good things happening that are impossible for me to take for granted. I sometimes just pause in wonder at the changes I'm experiencing. The contrast to my old life is deafening. I told someone this week that I feel like Rip Van Winkle, waking up out of a deep sleep to discover things that I had missed while I was checked out... BUT, emotional healing isn't something you can do an end-run around if you want to have your best experience. I still have no regrets about doing this. It is a very arduous journey at times, though. We are warned before we move into this new lifestyle that it is guaranteed that we'll have a lot of emotional and psychological adjustment, and I don't know about you, but I was very clear about that. However, the recovery is so individualized, and so overwhelming at times, that you can't possibly anticipate what is coming. Just know this--that you will begin to feel everything you've been medicating for a lifetime. I have been shocked at the self-discovery, and I've also been shocked at how closed down I was. People who know me can't believe it because I've always been so gregarious. However, you can cover up quite a bit of private hell with weight, a good sense of humor, and a generous helping of denial. So, choosing to change your lifestyle in this way is not for the faint of heart. Still, the payoff is as profoundly wonderful as the rigors of healing. People ask me all the time how I'm feeling these days. I always answer the same way. Good. Grateful.
About Me
Before & After
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