Last minute thoughts

Oct 20, 2009

   Well, today I went to the hospital for all of my pre-op tests. I pre-registered and had my ekg and my blood drawn, so now I just have to wait. When I was at the hospital today I got really nervous. I know that I am going to be fine, but the unknown to me is so scary. I don't know how much pain or soreness i will have. I don't know if I will get nauseous. I do know that I want to succeed. I can do this. I completely shocked myself with quitting smoking cold turkey after 6 years of smoking. I want to make a life long change where I wont be in this same boat 10 years from now. Food for me has become like a drug. If someone makes me feel inferior, unloved, disrespected, humiliated or like I am  embarrasing them, I shut down and I eat. Because food has never told me I am ugly. It doesn't make fun of me. It comforts me. But that way of thinking is wrong. Food has taken alot of the joy out of living for me. The way I think about food has to change. I want to only require food to give my body energy, and to keep it running. I don't want to plan my day around where I am going to eat at. This is such a drastic change for me, and I have to take this opportunity and run with it.

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