THURSDAY, I GO MEET MY SURGEON, I'M SCARED I'M TOO BIG

May 16, 2009

THE LAST TIME I WEIGHED WAS SOMETIME LAST YEAR AND I WAS LIKE 435 # - THAT SCALE IS BROKEN. ACTUALLY, THE LAST LAST TIME WAS AT A HOSPITAL AND I WAS PUSHED IN A WHEELCHAIR - BOTH ARMS UP SO THE FLAB COULD HAVE A HANG-OVER (LOL - BETTER THAN CRYING, HUH?) AND WHEELED OUT TO THE LOADING DOCK AND STOOD ON THE SHIPPING SCALE - I WAS ABOUT 430 # THEN. WELL, I'M ALL BLOWN UP NOW, DID A PERFECT GYMNASTIC SPLIT AND THEN BELLY FLOP ON A SLIPPERY FLOOR - WAS ABLE TO MAKE IT INTO THE BED WITH HELP. MY SUPER-OBESE CAT WHO INHALED 2ND HAND SMOKE JUST DIED AT 5 YRS OLD ON MOTHER'S DAY. MY MOTHER DIED (81) MARCH 6st. SO, I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I WEIGH. LAST TIME WENT TO ER WAS FOR HORRIFIC GROIN PAIN AND NUMBNESS IN RIGHT THIGH - LUMBAR RADICULOPATHY. MY PRIMARY MD, PSYCHOTHERAPIST PHD, AND NEUROLOGIST ALL AGREE - "I HAVE PASSED WHAT DIET AND EXERCISE CAN DO - ONLY BARIATRIC SURGERY WILL SAVE MY LIFE" - FOR 10 YRS MY DEATH HAS BEEN PREDICTED BY DOCTORS. MY NEUROLOGIST JOKINGLY SAID - THERE IS NO RISK FOR YOU FOR THIS SURGERY - YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE ANYWAY - AT LEAST THIS WAY - IF YOU DIE ON THE TABLE, YOU'LL BE ASLEEP!!! I THINK ABOUT RIDING HORSES AND SWIMMING AND RUNNING AND DOING ALL THE THINGS I ONCE DID - THE FALL 2 DAYS AGO ONLY ADDED TO MY CONSTANT PAIN - BETWEEN NARCOTICS AND BENADRYL/TYLENOL (CAREFUL NOT TO GO OVER THE TOTAL OF 4,000 MG/DAY) BETWEEN THE BID TYLENOL # 3 - I STAY PRETTY-WELL LOOPY - STILL FEEL THE PAIN - BUT, CAN FUNCTION SOME-WHAT. MEMORIES GET ALL MIXED UP BUT WE ARE COPING. 

CO-MORBIDITIES:

DIABETES, HYPERTENSION, HYPOTHYROIDISM, GERD/IBS, COPD/OBSTRUCTIVE SLEEP APNEA, PTSD/ANXIETY, PVD, EDEMA, TLE, QUIT SMOKING USING CHANTIX, ETC.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I REALLY LOOK LIKE - WHEN I WAS 500 # BEFORE - I WAS LIKE I AM NOW  - WHEN I GOT DOWN TO 250 # - I FELT I WAS STILL 500 # !!

SLEEPY AGAIN. HUGS.

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