butterflyy
I LIED TO MYSELF
May 27, 2009
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO I HAD BEEN SLEEVED FOR 2 MONTHS YES 2 WHOLE MONTHS. AND GOING INTO THIS WHOLE WLS THING I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD DO EVERYTHING MY SURGEON TOLD ME TO DO. HAVE I YOU ASK? HELL TO THE NO. I DON'T TAKE MY VITAMINS LIKE I SHOULD BECAUSE I HATE THEM. DO I DRINK MY PROTEIN LIKE I SHOULD. AAAHHHH NO SIR. I'M STILL HUMAN THE WEIGHT IS FALLING OFF LIKE CRAZY. I FEEL THAT I'VE LOST WEIGHT AND I DO FEEL SO MUCH BETTER BUT IM DOWN WHEN IT COMES TO MY VITAMINS AND PROTEIN INTAKE. I REFUSE TO BEAT MYSELF UP OVER THIS BECAUSE BY THE GRACE OF GOD I KNOW I'LL DO BETTER. I'M CHANGING EVERYDAY. MEN ARE STARTING TO LOOK AT ME IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT BUT I DON'T EVEN PAY THAT ANY ATTENTION I'M JUST NOT INTERESTED. MY #1 GOAL NOW IS TO LOOK MY BEST WHEN I'M AT GOAL. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER SURGERY TO FIX MY STOMACH, ARMS, LEGS ETC..... I DON'T JUST WANT TO LOOK GOOD WITH CLOTHES ON I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A BEAST WITH THEM OFF. MAYBE I'M PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, MAYBE NO ONE ELSE FEELS LIKE I DO AND THAT'S FINE BY ME BUT THIS IS JUST MY THOUGHTS FOR NOW. TONIGHT I'M GOING TO BUY ANOTHER BLENDER MINE FELL TO THE FLOOR SUNDAY NITE AND I'M GOING TO DRINK THAT TOXIC EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. MY HAIR IS DOING WELL SO FAR I'VE BEEN KEEPING IT BRAIDED ONE BRAID SEEM LIKE IT PULLED OUT ONE PATCH OF MY HAIR BUT HEY THAT'S FINE BY ME. I WENT INTO THIS SURGERY NOWING THE RISKS AND I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBLITY FOR ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS DURING THIS PERIOD. I HAVE PLENTY OF PICTURES OF POST BUT I WILL ONLY POST A FEW BECAUSE THEY ONLY LET YOU PUT UP 50 SO IN ABOUT 2 YEARS I'LL BE PULLING ALL OF THOSE DOWN AND PUTTING UP ALL NEW ONES. I LOVE THIS BOARD MUCH AND THE PEOPLE WHO I'VE BEEN BLESSED TO SPEAK WITH VIA EMAIL AND SOME I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY. UNTIL THE NEXT TIME I FEEL LIKE VENTING HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE JOURNEY. LA SHAWN.
