caramaea

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I made all of my posts at livejournal.com friends only and I won't be keeping my progress posts public there anymore.  From here on out the only thing public will be my tickers and my dwindling measurements.

If anybody here is still keeping up with me, I am doing great now.  I am completely recovered from my original bypass and the two follow-up surgeries I had (for internal bleeding and infection).  I am down a total of 91 lbs. (51lb since surgery at 3 months out). 

Now the real work begins.  The weight loss has already slowed down and I have to give myself "perspective checks" and remind myself the difference between the 340lb. me and the 249lb. me.  The differences are there inside as well as out, but I still worry a lot and fear failure.  Part of it is because after losing nearly 100lb. I am still considered "fat."  I knew this would be hard going in, but I don't think I fully realized that the emotional part would be this hard.

Three surgeries and nearly 6 weeks later I am doing pretty well.  Everything is updated with photos at my livejournal blog (url in the entry below this one).

I have been pretty lazy about doing updates here and I am sorry for that.  I have been sick for a long time and I am kind of using that as an excuse right now.  I hope nobody holds it against me. 

I hope all of my friends pre/post and my same-day surgery "buddies" are doing well.

P.S.  I am down 31lb. since surgery (total of 71lb since January).  Woo!

I have had a few complications and had to have a second emergency surgery.  The whole story is on my regular journal here:  http://caramaea.livejournal.com/

I hope all of my post-op surgery buddies have been doing well.  I am lagging behind, but I'm on the mend too.  Good luck to you all!  I'm so sorry not to be able to comment individually, but I am still in the hospital and am very tired/in pain still.  Thank you all for your well-wishes and prayers. :)

My surgery support page:  http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/surgupdateinfo.php?Person_Name=caramaea&Angel_ID=R1201289175

Good luck to all of my new surgery buddies!!

I haven't posted these here yet. I thought some of my friends might like to see my progress so far...


Me 2/5/08 at 339lb. and 5/28/08 at 300.5lb!





I hit my all-time high of 340lb in November 2007. It was January before I decided (along with my husband) to have gastric bypass. And here we are five months later and I have lost 40lb. and I am having surgery in two days. I am so proud of myself and so excited for my future. What a blessing to be able to do this and SUCCEED! :)

I only have 3 days until my surgery.  I have been having moments of panic here and there.   I am absolutely not going to chicken out at this stage of the game, but I am really scared.  I cannot believe I am really going to let them cut my guts apart and redo my plumbing on Monday.  Yipes!    I am afraid of the pain.  I really hope I can be one of those lucky people (like my husband) who sails through everything and has no compliations.  

You know what else is crazy?  I can't stop thinking about all those things that I'll never be able to eat again and mourning the fact that I won't be able to eat foods I love in those amounts again.  Hi, my name is Maggie, I am a food addict.  How else do you think I got to be super morbidly obese?  Oh yeah, it was all genetics.

I have been on my pre-op liquid diet since 5/9, almost four weeks.  It has sucked total ass.  I won't lie.  I have had a few *very* small cheats (I'm talking a bite of cheese, an animal cracker, one pasta noodle) here and there.  I have had an ounce too much fruit on some days or a half cup of salad more here and there, but I haven't been too too bad.  I still kind of feel like a failure, though.  I haven't dropped any weight in the last week at all.  I have been blaming that on my "last supper" that I had on Sunday.  My weight was actually UP 2lb. after that (yeah).  I felt immiately despondent and wanted to give up right then and there and go eat a pizza, which is stupid.  I've lost 40 freakin' pounds!  That 2lb. could have been water weight, right?  It's hard.  

I beat myself up all the time.  I know this is only going to get worse.  I will still have to battle the head hunger and I will still see the same fat me in the mirror even when I am a size 12.  I just know I will.  I am doing it already.  I have to look at comparison pictures of myself to see a difference.  I lied when I said I was only doing this for my health.  I want to be pretty (not just to me, but to other people too).  But you know what is great?  I even if I don't really see much of a difference, I can FEEL the difference.  I take it for granted most days, but I feel so much better.  I didn't realize how bad I felt before.  I was sick.


I wish I was strong enough to continue with diet and exercise and get myself to goal and maintain without the surgery, but I know that I am not.  I didn't get this obese by having great self-control.  I am an emotional eater, I am a social eater, I am a bored eater.  Food is my drug of choice for everything.  I will miss food.  I know I'll have to fight my feelings of deprivation for the rest of my life.  Unlike other addictions, I can't just quit food. I am really grateful to have this tool.  I need forced limits.  Without them I feel I would surely fail.

I have just over two weeks to go until surgery.  It's so close now, it's starting to get a little more real and a little scarier.  I have been following my pre-op diet and have been losing weight.  I am now down to 303lb (from my high of 340lb in November).  I know I will be under 300lb before I have surgery.  This is amazing and so emotional for me.  I am succeeding!

To all of you who are still in the process of being approved or who are waiting for surgery, stay strong.  You can do this and you will be successful too!

Kevin's pathology came back showing Barrett's again.  I am disappointed about that, but the really great news is, he showed no dysplasia this time.  I am so relieved about that!  Kevin will have another follow-up endoscopy in August and if things are still clear, he will have yearly follow-ups.  I truly do believe that gastric bypass has saved his life in more than one way. :)

Thank you to those of you who responded to my last post about Kevin.  Thank you for your prayers and well-wishes.  He had his repeat endoscopy today with ultrasound.  The doctor who did the procedure said that everything looks GOOD!!!!   He said he could not find any evidence of Barrett's esophagus at all.  There was no inflammation either.  He did see some polyps, which were what had Fuzz concerned to start with, but he thinks they are benign.  He did biopsy the polyps and he told Kevin the results would take about a week.  He said Kevin's esophagus looked healthy, his pouch was not distended, the anastomotic area between Kevin's new pouch and small bowel had no strictures (narrowing) and the upper portion of the small bowel looked good too.  This is all FANTASTIC news!!!!!  He also checked Kevin's esophagus and lymph nodes by ultrasound and he found no masses and the lymph nodes looked normal.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so relieved right now.  God is good!

Kevin may have esophageal cancer.  They biopsied some polyps when they did his post-op endoscopy to check for leaks.  Well, they have come back showing Barrett's Esophagus with severe dysplasia (atypical cells, which are pre-cancerous or cancerous).  Dr. Fuzz wants to do another endo including ultrasound.  He probably wouldn't have ordered the ultrasound if he wasn't already pretty worried.  The type of esophageal cancer related to Barrett's is often fatal.  If Kevin still has a high-grade dysplasia on his repeat endo, he will probably have to have his entire esophagus removed.  His youth is on his side if he has to have any operative procedures, but the prospect of all of this is terrifying.  At best, he can expect to have surveillance endoscopies every 3 months.

I am glad that Kevin had his bypass now because if it means we've caught this thing early enough to prevent cancer or treat cancer successfully then we've already won.

Those of you that pray, please offer your prayers for my husband.  He's only 35 years old and we have 5 children to raise.  I just can't imagine doing this without him.  He's my best friend.