CarmelCandy777

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So I was reading someone's blog about emotional eating, especially when angry. That's me.  Mrs. Emotional Eating Queen.  The bad part is that apart from eating when I'm angry or sometimes anxious, I often have difficulty connecting the emotion to why I'm eating.  There are some habits I really want to change and yet, it seems so difficult.  I don't know why I can't seem to make up my mind enough to make the changes I want to make.  It's frustrating and lonely to have this place in your head that you don't know how to describe to anyone else.  I always feel like I'm on the edge of a breakthrough, but never quite close enough.  

My goal is that tomorrow I'm going to focus on protein, water and fruits and vegetables, as well as avoiding regular sugars outside of the fruits I may eat.  I also plain to go to the gym at least 4 times a week.  I'm trusting that those changes will help move my weight down, increase my energy and reduce the crazy gas I'm always dealing with.  I've got to become more conscientious about how I eat if it's going to affect how I feel physically.

I know that I need to utilize my support through writing more often.  It has been forever since I've blogged.  My weight loss continues to be slow, but I still get a lot of compliments.  Exercise still is not as consistent as I want it to be, but I'm working now to get a consistent schedule. 

I need to focus more on my habitual eating.  Some habits are hard to break.  I love food!  I would love to get to the place where I simply eat what I'm suppose to eat and it's simply to give nourishment to my body.  I'm so not there yet.  I will be a year out from my revision on November 14.  I am not where I want to be on my journey.  I've tried therapy but it still seems to be some key I have not found for myself. I just have to keep looking at me and working on me.  

On a positive note I have had a crossover where I can see the difference in myself.  It does give some motivation to keep going and try to focus more seriously on my goals. 

I've just got to take the time to get my thoughts and plans together.

Okay so I've been MIA for a few months.  I'm post op.  Things are moving slowly.  My surgery was November the 14.  Things went pretty well.  I did  become dehydrated and had to get IV fluids a couple weeks after surgery.  Currently I'm about 27 pounds down.  I wish things would move faster but I guess something is better than nothing.  I'm looking at ongoing changes I need to make.  I have not yet begun to excercise.  I was suppose to go Monday but the soon to be ex backed out of watching the kids.  I'm trying to figure it out.  

Wow.  It's been a busy week.Work has been off the hook!  I'm happy to say I've finally lost 9 pounds as of Tuesday when I went for my pre-op appointment.  That was quite exciting and motivating for me.  I've also started my pre-op diet.  I only have to do 2 weeks but I've decided to do 3.  I wanted to do about 4 weeks but didn't have the resources to buy what I needed, but things are looking better.

I've been really tired this week.  Well, I'm usually tired.  There was one weekend a couple of weeks ago that I actually was not tired.  I stayed up to 5am on Friday night and was still productive on Saturday. That almost never happens.  I just kept expecting to crash, but never really did.  Now I'm back to my normal always tired self.  LOL.

I'm very excited about my surgery.  I am looking forward to changing my life.  The 9 pounds has helped me to really start focusing on my weightloss efforts.  I am ready to change my life and live healthy and productive.  I am pressing toward the mark... 

I don't have a lot going on with regard to weightloss.  November 14 will get here quickly I'm sure and I'm excited about it. 

I did receive bad news today.  I just learn that I guy I grew up with died this week.  I was told it was suicide and that is so hard to beleive. It's really sad to think this childhood friend didn't feel he had another way.  I don't know the details so I even wonder if he truly commited suicide or if something was done to make it look that way.  All I can say is wow.  He was also a teenage sweetheart. We grew up in church together.  Our youth group was so close back in the day.  Life is so short no matter how old your are.

Life is busy.  I have so much to do to prepare before the 14th.  It would seem like a lot of time but it is not.  To top things off my mother in law passed on Wed. 9/28.  So I had the kids out of school and we were in Columbus from Wed, through to Monday.  Getting my son to complete make up work is like pulling teeth without anesthesia.  My focus has also not been to great on my dietary choices and exercise.  I've go to get refocused.  My house, oh we won't even mention the condition of my house...

Yes! I've been approved. My surgery date for revision is November the 14, two days after my  43rd birthday.  I'm so grateful for this second opportunity. I have 7 1/2 weeks to get things in place.  I've been so tired and I hope that I can find the energy to get the things I want to get done complete before that time.  

I'm still working on my food issues and the emotional eating.  I'm making slow changes and definitely becoming more aware.  Not quite as aware as I hope to be but I'm getting there.  I haven't put regular sugar in my coffee for about a month.  To some of you, you are like big deal, but for me and the amount of coffee I drink it really is a big deal. I love coffee and I love real sugar LOL! I taste the difference between sugar and splenda.  I've gotten readjusted but I do have to talk to myself sometimes to avoid using regular sugar.  Anyway the point is I'm trying to work on slowly making changes. I've also been trying to refocus on making sure I get quality protein.  

The next battle is exercise.  I walked yesterday and today.  Hopefully I can get on a good schedule with that.  My prayer is that by November the 14th I will have good habits in place and truly focused on being successful and transformed.  Not just for the process of trying to lose weight but also for a lifetime of healthy maintenance.    

I received a call Friday from my surgeons office.  Jean just called to give me an update.  The insurance company has not denied me but they want more information including proof of failure of my first procedure.  She states that they can't provide proof of failure, but did respond that other health factors have been checked and that I believe with more education I will be committed and successful this time.  Well I sure hope that works. She states that we should hear something in about a week so hopefully come Friday I'll have an answer.  I really need another chance to get this right.  I continue to try to work on my emotional eating which I need to focus on even more.  There are so many bad habits to change that it can become overwhelming.  I am going to start working on the exercise piece, I plan to start walking. I just want a changed life and I've got to make it happen, I can't just keep sitting around planning. Pray give it to the Lord and get to moving on the things I already know he wants me to do!  

Well I'm waiting on insurance approval.  I'm trying not to pace back and forth.  I received the rejection letter from my primary.  I knew it would come but didn't expect it so quickly, so then that of course makes me hope that i'll get a quick yes from my secondary.  Oh well, one can hope.  Work is draining and I'm so behind, but life must move on...

Things are moving forward. I've completed all my steps and now my information is being submitted to insurance.  So now I wait, my surgeons office seems to think their shouldn't be any problem with getting approval, let's hope they are right.  I expect it to take 2-4 weeks to get an answer, so I'll just have to be patient. I continue to work on my head hunger.  I'm continuing to work with Dr. Lawhorn, because I really want a handle on things before I have surgery.  I really want a changed life as it relates to my eating and weight.  On a positive note I had some blood work done this past week.  My thyroid meds were lowered, my cholesterol is still a little high but my PCP is worried because my good cholesterol and triglycerides are so good.  Also blood sugar is good and kidney and liver function are also good.  All in all I'm not to bad.  If I could just figure out why I'm always so tired I'd be in better shape.