Jane N.

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It's been a slow evolution, but it was a long time coming.  I'm learning to accept myself as I am.  I bought a shirt this week that shows my arms, bat wings and all, and I'm not ashamed to wear it.  I posted a recent (actually taken today) photo of myself on facebook for the first time ever.  It's ok to be me.  Today, on this first day of spring, I was baptized/confirmed by my church.  I feel blessed in so many ways.  

Today marks a turning point in my life.  School starts up again this spring and I'm excited to think that I won't even think about whether I'll fit in the desk comfortably or not.  I'm down 70 pounds from when I was in summer school and had to specially request a desk and had to sit apart from the rest of the class.  I desperately need to make an eating plan, so that I don't skip meals and that I am properly hydrated.

I'm in kissing distance of my first goal, which was to be at 195 (halfway to goal).  I tried on clothes this weekend and was able to fit into some 18s.  I haven't worn that size in almost 10 years.  Lots of changes going on and it's not even been 6 months yet!
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The ugly "I feel invisible" feelings are back.    I hate when this happens.  Hope it's temporary.

Got on the scale this morning and it said 219.  This means I officially have less than 100 pounds left to lose!Even working up to having surgery I really didn't grasp how quickly it would move.  At times I lament how slow it feels, but it really is moving at lightening speed isn't it?

So I'm officially 3 months out from my surgery date.  I'm down 50 pounds and about 6 inches off my waist.  I have 100 pounds more to lose to get to my goal weight, so I'm 1/3 of the way there.  Last week I went and tried on new pants for the first time since surgery.  I've officially gone from a size 28 to a size 20 if those jeans I put on are telling the truth.    My top has gone from a size 29 to a size 18-20 as well.  However, I still look the same in the face and I'm still carrying tons of weight in my stomach and not one person has commented on my weight loss yet.  I hope that will change soon as I continue to lose weight.  I could really use the validation from outside sources that I'm really changing.  I hate to rely just on the scale to show the difference.  The upside is that I'm now off all prescribed medications other than my blood pressure med and my Nexium.  The rest of the pills I take are all supplimentations.  My blood sugar remains at about 80 and my cholesterol is completely normal.  I don't see my surgeon again until January as I'm doing remarkably well other than this odd abdominal swelling I get when I eat or drink anything.  I swell up like a tick but he insists this will get better over the next year.  So that's my 3-month update.  I'll load pictures tonight for comparison.

The scale has been stuck at 224 since 10/16.  I hope it's a sign that I'm about to drop a few pounds.  Was hoping to be at 220 at my doctor's appointment yesterday but I'm still impressed with my 46-pound loss since surgery.  I guess I'm just excited to hit that 50 pound mark.  That'll mark 1/3 of my journey and a huge step towards  a healthy new me.   On a really positive note, I am now able to wear one of my wedding rings for the first time in 8 years.  Yeah me!

Saw my surgeon today and he's very pleased with my progress.  I've lost 16 pounds in just over a month since seeing him last and my labs look great.  My protein is a tad on the lower side of normal and with my hair loss increasing, he's suggested an additional protein shake a day to combat that and to give Jerry, the nut, a call for any additional ideas.  Otherwise, I'll have labs again at the end of the year and see him in January unless I have any problems.  I'm officially down 46 pounds from my preop weight.

OK I've allowed myself to get into the daily numbers and have lost sight of the bigger picture.  I updated my spreadsheet and added a weekly and a monthly chart and it has helped.  I'm still frustrated messing with the same few pounds, but I see now that the trend is really better than I realized.  I lost 26 pounds in my first month and I've lost an additional 18 pounds this month.  That's nothing to be ashamed of or be frustrated with.  

On another note, my husband and my 16YO daughter was stunned and proud to learn that I walked to and from the mailbox by myself without pain and have done that for a week.  In fact, I upped the ante a bit the last couple of days and made myself go down our cove and up and around the other cove before I would let myself check the mailbox (Ok so Sunday and today I just did the circuit without checking, but the same route).  My daughter is fairly certain I haven't walked that far without pain since she was born.   I have to hold that in front of myself and not the scale.  

I do wonder though as I've never had the crazy mood swings I hear about from estrogen dumping (and also still have 90% of my weight in my stomach) and I never had the ketosis symtpoms I've heard about.  Is that a good thing, bad thing, or just something to put off my radar?

I did my 10 week pictures today and compared them to my preop pictures.  I can't see any difference and I'm so tired of playing up and down with the scale.  I also get frustrated seeing others who are leaving me in the dust with weight loss.  Am I doing something wrong?  Am I doing enough?  My husband says I've done great, but I just don't see it yet and it makes it hard to keep a happy face about it all.

I've been at this weight for entirely too long.  I've gone up 3 pounds and down 3 pounds, but I just can't break below 229.  Yesterday and today I've shaken up what I'm eating and trying to avoid my regular foods.  No eggs for breakfast and lunch I attempted tuna for the first time in years (It gives me horrible heartburn so I've avoided it).  I pray this will help break through to a new weight level already!