Chance22
Time to let a few things go...
Mar 03, 2010
I am the middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister. We grew up in the same house, similar interests, and had the same hockey arena diet for a long time- but they are thin and I resent that. I look at my siblings who I love, greatly, and I resent them their ability to eat normally.
Growing up my sister was the pretty one, the funny one, the interesting one... I was the other one. That is tough to take and it leads to new levels of sibiling rivalry. Competing to be smarter, funnier, listen to better music, reading better books, etc. My sister being prettier and thinner than me really made me a very interesting, educated, well travelled person and I am really glad that she gave me that.
So I have decided to let the rest of it go. I no longer care that she is more attractive than I am, I am proud of how amazingly kind she is, how intelligent her conversation is and how incredibly wise she has grown to be and I have to believe that if her looks caused me to grow into the person I am now- maybe mine caused her to be the person she is.
1 comment
Growing up my sister was the pretty one, the funny one, the interesting one... I was the other one. That is tough to take and it leads to new levels of sibiling rivalry. Competing to be smarter, funnier, listen to better music, reading better books, etc. My sister being prettier and thinner than me really made me a very interesting, educated, well travelled person and I am really glad that she gave me that.
So I have decided to let the rest of it go. I no longer care that she is more attractive than I am, I am proud of how amazingly kind she is, how intelligent her conversation is and how incredibly wise she has grown to be and I have to believe that if her looks caused me to grow into the person I am now- maybe mine caused her to be the person she is.
"Just diet and exercise more!"
Feb 28, 2010
I am still almost two months away from going in for my assessment and am already having to defend my choice to even consider surgery. I have been told I am "taking the easy way out, that I just need to focus on diet and exercise, that I carry my weight so well that people don't even realize how heavy I am" .
If I can get approved for surgery - I am having it.
There is nothing easy about surgery. I know this! I know the risks, complications that could arise, I know that I will be in pain, that I will need to change my eating and my relationship with food. I am prepared to make those changes.
I wear a pedometer and I walk 10k steps every day- even if it means marching in place for an hour and 20 mins during the news (I have done this since Sept. 13th and have done it everyday since). I journal my food every day and concentrate on getting better at eating with a calorie ceiling. I threw out everything in my fridge and cupboards that is rubbish and high calorie or easy to grab. I quit smoking and have been smoke-free since Aug.10/09 when I got notice that I was in the program.
I am ready to make the changes I need to and it won't be easy, but neither has it been easy growing up the fat girl. I've struggled daily with my weight for 20 years. I'm ready to go as many rounds as necessary to be thin, but I know that my body is working against me and I need surgical intervention.
Critics be damned!
I will make the changes and I will learn to be a success. Those who would judge me on making a choice to save my life are emotional-vampires and I don't need anyone in my life who is sucking out my energy and leaving me hollow.
5 comments
If I can get approved for surgery - I am having it.
There is nothing easy about surgery. I know this! I know the risks, complications that could arise, I know that I will be in pain, that I will need to change my eating and my relationship with food. I am prepared to make those changes.
I wear a pedometer and I walk 10k steps every day- even if it means marching in place for an hour and 20 mins during the news (I have done this since Sept. 13th and have done it everyday since). I journal my food every day and concentrate on getting better at eating with a calorie ceiling. I threw out everything in my fridge and cupboards that is rubbish and high calorie or easy to grab. I quit smoking and have been smoke-free since Aug.10/09 when I got notice that I was in the program.
I am ready to make the changes I need to and it won't be easy, but neither has it been easy growing up the fat girl. I've struggled daily with my weight for 20 years. I'm ready to go as many rounds as necessary to be thin, but I know that my body is working against me and I need surgical intervention.
Critics be damned!
I will make the changes and I will learn to be a success. Those who would judge me on making a choice to save my life are emotional-vampires and I don't need anyone in my life who is sucking out my energy and leaving me hollow.
A letter to myself...
Feb 21, 2010
Dear Chance,
There was a time in your life when you were not aware of your weight. It was a very long time ago... before Andrew Thompson told you that you were fat when you were in the 3rd grade, you were 8 years old. Since that time you have been aware of your weight at every moment of every day.
You went through High School, as someone that most people thought was popular, they never knew that you hated the view in the mirror.
As a adult, you refrained from relationships that had any real entanglements- uncomfortable with the attention of most men and untrusting of the ones who seemed to really like you. What kind of a man could possibly be attracted to someone who looks like you? Now, you find yourself alone and wonder how it happend.
It stops now. Hating yourself and your appearance. You are beautiful, funny, intelligent, and have a huge capacity for love. People introduce you to their family members in hopes of a match because they can see you for who you are, not who you think it is they see.
Enough is enough. Celebrate your curves while you have them and prepare yourself to see the person others see when they look at you as she emerges from behind the weight you have carried.
There will be no more loathing, no more disgust, no more hiding, no more making excuses. You are being given the tools at long last to become a thin person- take them, learn them, use them and live them.
Do not mourn the foods you will be giving up. Celebrate the life you are being given.
Remember that you have many friends, your family love you and you deserve this as much as anyone!
Chance
2 comments
There was a time in your life when you were not aware of your weight. It was a very long time ago... before Andrew Thompson told you that you were fat when you were in the 3rd grade, you were 8 years old. Since that time you have been aware of your weight at every moment of every day.
You went through High School, as someone that most people thought was popular, they never knew that you hated the view in the mirror.
As a adult, you refrained from relationships that had any real entanglements- uncomfortable with the attention of most men and untrusting of the ones who seemed to really like you. What kind of a man could possibly be attracted to someone who looks like you? Now, you find yourself alone and wonder how it happend.
It stops now. Hating yourself and your appearance. You are beautiful, funny, intelligent, and have a huge capacity for love. People introduce you to their family members in hopes of a match because they can see you for who you are, not who you think it is they see.
Enough is enough. Celebrate your curves while you have them and prepare yourself to see the person others see when they look at you as she emerges from behind the weight you have carried.
There will be no more loathing, no more disgust, no more hiding, no more making excuses. You are being given the tools at long last to become a thin person- take them, learn them, use them and live them.
Do not mourn the foods you will be giving up. Celebrate the life you are being given.
Remember that you have many friends, your family love you and you deserve this as much as anyone!
Chance
