Jess H.
I used to think my "weight problem" started when I gained the Freshman 10 or make that, the Freshman 50+.
That was the year of my first "diet" - I was 18 years old. In fact, that year I also maganged to accumulate two additional (and malignant) diet industry milestones:
Success, I lost the weight
Failure, I regained the weight and then some
And so the infamous cycle of weight loss & weight gain began. The right of passage of those firsts, inevitably led to passing those milestone's multiple times in my life, as I attempted to find the magical long term solution - which never occured.
I have tried phen-phen, medi-fast (total liquid-MSWL) twice, OA, Weight Watchers, Low-Fat, Low-Carb, Low Cal, Depression Meds, Alli, and more fad diets than I care to admit. Long term success was never in the cards.
And my journey has been complicated with depression, chronic pain, and social isolation. Which came first - the weight or the rest - I don't believe it matters any more because now they are all so intertwined.
Obesity has led to many heartbreaking losses - my health, a marriage, professional growth, and more "fun" opportunities than I care to count.
Some losses are most assuredly self-inflicted, generally, due to the shame I felt (and still feel) about my weight. Some, related to the realistic physical limitations of being so large and the rest are an outcome of the real, if not indisputably unfair, discrimination that comes with being obese in America (not to say America is the only place on earth this discrimination exists - I am sure it's much more prevalent - it is just that I speak from my experience which is here in the States).
I felt great when I was losing and like a loser when I was gaining and at some point I realized I did not want to life a weight focused life and certainly it is not the life I want my children to live.
I have tossed the idea of surgery around for several years and did not seriously consider it as an option until about a year ago, when I finally admitted to myself I could not overcome my battle without medical intervention.
Back to the beginning, as I said, I thought my troubled relationship with food began in college when my weight increased. However, my catastrophically, unhealthy relationship began many years before then. It just didn't show up on my body until my activity levels significantly decreased my first year in college.
Tracing the origins of my dysfunctional relationship with food has been helpful for me. Certainly, no magic bullet. Food Addiction has changed my brain chemistry and has left me physiologically and psychologically compromised. But I am still in charge of my choices and my life and with the right support, which includes bariatric surgery, I firmly believe my future can be bright again.
I am looking forward to my surgery and a life free from the limitations which manifest as a result of my food addicted induced obesity.
Jess
