Chipmunk242003

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         It's funny how things are...when you start your weight journey you tell yourself I will be happy to loose 20lbs or 30 lbs or whatever but when you get to that goal its not enough. 233lbs is the smallest I have ever been since I was a child a yet I feel large. People I haven't seen in a while are telling me I am skinny. Me skinny, I would have never thought that was possible. But I dont feel it, I dont know why? I should be happy and I am but there is still a part if me that wants to loose more and still feels that she is this hugh blob. I dont know maybe I am weird or something.
           My uncle passed away today from complications of being overweight he is only 60, that is young. He suffered alot from the time of his death and you could feel the tension from his family having to take care of him. I think that is what I fear the most I want to enjoy my life to the fulliest even at the end.  I guess that is the main reason why I began this journey.
           I sometimes wonder what it would be like to wear a bathing suit and not have to wear cover ups but i guess I should be happy that at least I am doing something about it. WE ALL ARE, we made a decision to put our health first and we are doing something about. I guess that is all that matters and I figured it out as I was typing my blog. Anyway have a blessed day and enjoy every moment , I will.

FEELING GOOD TODAY, HAPPY FOR ONCE. I HAD A PAIR OF JEANS SIZE 16 BUT THEY WERE GETTING REAL BAGGY SO I WENT YESTERDAY AND TRIED ON A SIZE 14. THEY FIT, NO SUCKING MY STOMACH NOTHING, THEY JUST SLIPPED ON. I AM SO HAPPY, MY WEIGHT IS NOT GOING DOWN AS I WOULD LIKE BUT BECAUSE I AM GOING TO THE GYM I AM TONING. I KNOW I NEED TO BE MORE POSITIVE BUT FOR SOME REASON I GET IN THESE FUNKS. MY LAST YEAR AROUND THIS TIME I WAS WOULD OF BEEN HAPPY TO BE WHERE I AM TODAY.

I AM TRULY HAPPY, I HAVE THE ENERGY TO RUN AND CHASE AFTER MY 4YR OLD. I AM OFF ALL MY MEDS, NO MORE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, MIGRAINES,BAD KNEES, OR HEART MURMURS. MY BOY WAS THE MAIN REASON WHY I DID THIS SURGERY, I WANTED TO BE AROUND FOR HIM, AND NOW I WILL.

I DONT KNOW WHERE THIS FEELING IS COMING FROM I KNOW I SHOULD BE HAPPY SINCE 10/09 I BEGAN THIS WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY. I PROMISED MYSELF TO GIVE A 100% IN THIS, SINCE MY STARTING WEIGHT OF 335LBS. I HAVE LOST 91LBS. BUT ON MY OWN I HAD LOST 60 LBS BUT REGAINED 20 LBS OF IT FROM THE SURGEY. LONG STORY SHORT I FEEL LIKE A BLOB, MY SKIN ALL LOOSE, I AM WORKING OUT AND I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT GETTING ANY RESULTS. IS THIS THE FEELING I READ ABOUT THAT TAKES YEARS TO GO AWAY FOR SOME.I CHECKED MY BMI AND I AM 41, STILL MORBIDLY OBESE, SUCKIE.

HATE BEING THE BIG ONE.....
HATE HAVING TO WONDER IF I CAN FIT OR SQUEEZE THERE....
HATE NOT HAVING ENERGY.........
HATE BEING UNHAPPY..........
HATE NOT COMFORTABLE TAKING PICS BECAUSE THE WAY I LOOK OR FEEL.....
TIRED, TIRED, TIRED!!!!!

I get up every morning, so tired, so ashamed of myself. 32 years old trouble breathing, high blood pressure, heart murmurs. Keep saying to myself if I stay this way I will die. Tired so tired!!!!!!