clairesmom13

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Surgery has come and gone and at times it's still a bit surreal. My surgery experice was a bit of torture (as I hate hosptitals and am sensative to almost every pain medication they could give me) But once out of the hospital and in my comfy bed at home....things have been rather good. I'm a week and one day post op...and I'm finally beginning to eat and drink a bit more. This is exciting to me, because I know the body needs SOME nutrients.

The hardest things I've been going through as of this week have been: buyers remorse....did I really do this to myself? but that psychology degree has come in handy and I can reason through that it WAS the right decision for my health.

I'm also quite wishy washy mentally, and I think tha'ts mostly the release of hormones in my fat that's going away. I want my mommy, I want cuddles from my husband...but the only person willing to cuddle is my four year old. So I've had this weird sadness and feelings of isolation. I've also been having nightmares (maybe because of all the changes) so that's been a bit hard to deal with too.....my hubby is just not cuddle at all...I think maybe he doesn't want to hurt me?

I'm still running a very low grade temp every day or two.....it's like 99.3-100.1 but the doctor says not to be concerned...if it's still there next week then I wil make it my doctors concern.

I'm starting to feel glad I did this...but can't wait to get back to real food...the cucumber on my daughters dinner plate looked so good tonight....as well as avadado...and beans and rice......

Surgery is in a couple days (on the 29th) I have a bit of a cold (with lowgrade 99,3 fever, chills and sore throat) but i'm hoping that they will still be able to operate. I don't want to say it's like my wedding day, because it's a totally different thing....but It's not like I want surgery postponed. I have had friends take off work to help my husband and I.....etc. I'm ready to get this going and get it done. Start my battle...so I can eventually end it. Right now I'm around 275 (give or take a few pounds) and 5 foot 6 inches. I have about 148 pounds of muscle already on my body...so I will NEVER be 135 lbs....but I do hope to get in to a healthy weight for my body type. I'm anxious, excited, nervous....all at the same time.

Some of the health problems I have now, which I would like to get a bit better with weight loss:

PCOS
Endometriosis
Adenomyosis
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

I don't expect them to "go away" but I do hope they will be better. I've not been able to have a second child....so maybe in about two to three years I'll be able to carry another child.