cybregrrl
Music Video:http://216.180.244.187/videos/f/fergie/fergalicious-2.html" target='_blank'>FERGALICIOUS (by Fergie)
If I'm going to tell you about my journey, perhaps you should know more about me.
I started this journey in August 2006; I weighed 295.
I've been fat most of my life. I was a pudgy girl, but very active, outside all the time, a true tomboy. I was 5'2" (my current height), 135 pounds, actively in puberty and wore a B-cup in 5th grade.
At 13, I began living with my father and stepmonster. Stepmonster decided I was fat and put me on a diet, made me go to WW, had me weigh in front of her every morning, served me horridly bland meals that were different from what everyone else was eating, denied me anything I ever took pleasure in, and just made me feel horrible for being, well... ME. So I did what? Gained weight to spite her and make her feel like a failure, never realizing that I was only hurting myself. I immersed myself in books and watched tv and ignored the painful world I was in.
Every New Year's resolution started a new fad diet. I'd stay on it for 3-6 months, lose, plateau for a long time, fall off the wagon and gain it all back, right up to 400 and some-odd pounds. (Once I tipped 400, I didn't step on a scale until I'd lost a dress size.)
Funny thing is, I never saw myself as 'fat' until about seven years ago. I got out of the shower and truly SAW myself naked. At 400 and some-odd pounds, let me tell you it was NOT a pretty sight. I nearly threw up. I then determined to do something about what I was finally seeing.
I checked into WLS in 2001, but the surgery was not very common and they cut you wide open - stem to stern. Laparoscopic surgery was just being developed. My insurance company at that time told me I had to have a heart attack before they'd pay for it. Still doesn't make much sense, but I think it just wasn't the right time for me.
I decided that I could lose the weight myself and proceeded to lose down to 250 and stalled. I've gained and lost the same 50 pounds for the last year. It seems my whole life has stalled.
I started a different job and made some changes in my life, including losing 145 pounds of husband. Then I found out that my new work insurance will pay for WLS, won't make you jump through thousands of hoops, and has paid for several co-worker's surgeries. A good friend I work with had RnY surgery in May 2006, and he's doing great. Down from 395 pre-op to 185 today.
I've paid attention to what he's gone through and what he's doing now. He did have complications and was in the hospital twice post-op, so I'm aware that this is not all wine and roses.
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Things I Want to Do Post-Op
Run up a flight of steps without being out of breath.
Shop in any regular-sized clothing and shoe store.
Buy a pair of tall boots.
Buy a designer cocktail dress.
Learn to ballroom dance.
Finally get a stamp in my passport and fit comfortably in the airplane seat while doing it.
Cross my legs.
Go hiking and camping again.
Learn how to kayak.
I'm told pantyhose can be comfortable, I'd like to find out if that's true.
Borrow my mom's and sister's clothes. Watch out!
Finally feel comfortable on stage so I can take up that lounge singer act I've been planning.
