dawdee
Well, I am still not entirely over that I was inactive when the new format went into play so everything I put into my profile at the time I came to OH, is gone. R.I.P. I guess 
As I mentioned in my intro, I am 6 years post-op (My anniversary is coming up soon 
) I had ended up losing around 130 pounds total from the surgery, finally finding my body's comfortable weight at 135. After holding steady at that weight for about 6 months, in September of 2007 my husband gave me an awesome birthday present that helped me both physically and mentally - Plastic Surgery. I had an 'overhaul' as I call it because I got a quasi-tummy tuck (I didn't need the muscle work as I haven't had any children) and I got a breast lift with implants. Honestly, it was the best thing that could have happened for me because the extra skin was really messing with my head psychologically When I went to the Plastic Surgeon, I was like 'could you please do lipo and get rid of this fat?' and his response was 'What fat?' looking at him like he had just grown a third arm or something, I responded with 'what do you mean what fat when I am sitting here pinching it here for you?' and he laughed and remarked 'thats not fat my dear' and I realized just how screwed up my thinking and body image was from my prior 'fat' life, and the repercussions of the extreme weight loss. after all was said and done, having spent the money on the re-do made me feel much more invested in the overall end package that I had hoped, dreamed, wished and finally worked for. Additionally Dr. Owens said that he thought all patients should do the plastics after only 6 months because it helps people stay motivated when the package looks so great at the end 
Weight Loss Surgery and losing all that weight was the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life. I would suggest it to most people who struggle with weight, family history of obesity, who have yo-yo dieted and seen little to no reward and so on. I AM a completely different person on the outside, truly experiencing life as I believe it should be experienced. I have so many interests now that I persue regularly and I am overall so much happier being on the planet than I use to be pre-op. Losing the weight gave me the courage to be the person I have always been on the inside, as a whole.
With that said, fast-forward to present day and I have gained some weight over the last year and a half and it is truly bothering me to the point of desperation. I feel like I did back at 260 pounds sometimes trying every 'get thin quick' scheme out there and spending so much unnecessary money on things like hCG to attempt to at least jumpstart a larger amount of weight loss so I can find the motivation to stick with losing. But those things haven't worked and I am very sad because I fall prey to spending money I would rather spend on something else for something I think is going to help. I feel defeated that it didn't work to help me lose the weight, which then causes me not to eat things I shouldnt per se, but I do drink wine (in thinking that it calms me down from some of the other stress I am having and helps me cope with the feeling of letting myself down). I do have this overwhelming feeling of having failed myself. However, even as sad as I am it still doesn't seem to motivate me to do the 'right thing' - but I think that is because I am lost as to what the 'right thing' is.
So I am back here on OH because I seek information, enlightenment, knowledge, answers, and possibly some support from people who understand what I am going through (if I am not the only one going through this). I really want to meet people with similar situations that I can listen to and learn from. My family is super supportive but they dont understand my body much better than I do at this point and as much as they want to help, none of us know what to do at this point.
I hope to make some new friends while I am here and to learn as much as I possibly can to get back on track and keep to the course. Thank you for your time in reading about me and my journey. I look forward to reading those of others as well.
