Deanna34

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Hurray!  I did it!  I finished my first half marathon with a finish time of 2:42.  I managed to pull my groin muscle around mile 7 so I was miserable for the last half of the race.  That along with some terrible toe blisters made me so uncomfortable but I was determined to finish it and I did!  My finish time was slower than I had hoped for but with my pulled muscle and blisters, I figured that wasn't half bad!

I commemorated my 2 year surgiversary and half marathon completion with a new tattoo!  I got it while on vacation in Seattle and I just love it.  I'm so addicted ... now I want more!

Yippee!  I completed my second 10K race!  I finished in 1:07:01 which was almost 3 minutes faster than my last 10K.  I was so excited by that because the last mile I was really doubting myself and feeling like a failure for some reason.  This race was very wet and rainy and there were slippery leaves all over the paths and big water puddles.  So I felt like my pace was slower because of those obstacles.  So I was really surprised to see my finish time was actually faster than before!

Well, I did it!  I ran an entire 10K race!  That is 6.2 miles ... and I ran it in 1 hour, 9 minutes.  Holy toledo!  I cannot even fathom that is is actually ME doing this.  

As I was running the last mile, I literally had tears streaming down because the realization that I was actually going to complete this race hit me hard.  And I ran past a store front window and saw my reflection and in my mind I still see the 300+ pound person but when I saw my reflection, I saw a fit woman running.  It was just such a powerful and emotional experience!  It feels like such an outer body experience because I still feel like a fat person.  So when I accomplish these goals and milestones, it feels like it really isn't "me" that is doing it.  It's so hard to explain!

I decided that I want to run the Helvetia Half Marathon next June so I am starting to train for it.  I met with my new fitness coach at the gym and he has a new plan for me ... run 3-4 times per week (one long run on Sunday), Spin class twice a week, and Group Power (weight lifting class) twice a week.  He said that should help build my endurance and I should have no problem running a half marathon by June.  Ultimately I want to sign up for the Portland Marathon ... we'll see how the half marathon goes and see if I have the guts to do a full marathon!

My weight is still steady around 163-165.  I wish I could lose more weight but my body just is hanging onto every last pound!  My dietician told me I'm probably not eating enough to actually lose weight.  It's such a fine line between eating enough and eating too much ... I'm scared to eat too much because I don't want to be the person I used to be.  And I'm having issues with wanting to eat all the wrong foods too.  Why is it I'm drawn to food so much?  I think I'll never understand that!  

I have a consultation with a plastic surgeon coming up next week to discuss a possible breast reduction.  I am praying like the dickens that my insurance will approve me because I have neck/shoulder/back pain associated with my chest size.  Not to mention it's nearly impossible to find a bra that is small enough around the ribs and yet big enough in the cups! 

Well, my weight is now around 163 ... it seems like I go back and forth right about that mark and have been doing that for the last two months.  This has me totally frustrated!

I'm putting in a lot of time at the gym and my calories are around 1400 per day.  But with as many calories as I'm burning at the gym, I know I should be losing more weight.  So, why isn't any weight coming off?  I'm thoroughly ticked about this!!!  Ha, ha!

I've run a few more 5K runs and my latest accomplishment is that I completed the 5 mile trail run called "Run Like a Girl".  I was so amazed that I actually ran 5 miles!  I don't even feel like "me."  How did I do this?  I feel like a new person but the old me still has a voice in my head saying it's not possible to do these things.  I still visualize myself as 300 pounds.  So in my mind I feel like a person of that size couldn't possibly accomplish these goals.  My mind is playing weird tricks on me!  

I'm really frustrated that I'm not losing more weight.  My doctors said not to lose more because my body fat percentage is low.  But to me, I'd like to lose another 10 pounds.  So I'm trying to increase my protein again and see if that helps anything.  We shall see!

Well, I made it to my 1 year mark!  Wow, I cannot even believe a year has gone by; where did the time go?  It went by so fast!

I had my 1 year check-up and everything went great.  My weight is at 165 and seems to be staying around that mark ... but I'm down 142 pounds!  My BMI went from 49.6 to 26.0  My body fat percentage went from 45% down to 20%.  Kind of cool!  

I'm free from diabetes, sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and my cycles are normal for the first time in a very, very long time.  My doctor told me I'm very healthy!  

I can eat just about anything I want, although I still can't really do fast food very well ... cheeseburgers just don't go down all that well and I don't really have any interest in them anymore.  I still love chocolate though and sweets.  So I have to be careful because I don't want to return to the old days of gorging myself on them!  I almost wish I dumped on those things which would make it much less tempting to eat them!  But I'm bound and determined to never go back to the way I was.  I've been there and I certainly don't want to do that again!

My latest adventure is taking Kick-boxing classes at the gym.  The first class wasn't fun at all. But I decided to give it a second chance and I loved it!  It's amazing how sore your arms get after doing that.  My goal is to sign up for a race every month through the end of the year and I already signed up for a couple in the next two months.  That way I have to keep running at the gym ... trying to stay motivated!  

I'm just so very grateful that this surgery gave me a chance to start over again.  I can't believe how much has changed for me in the last year.  I still mentally see myself as a 300 pound woman and it amazes me to see a photo of myself now.  It's hard to explain but if you've been in that situation, you know how it feels.  I'm constantly worrying that people see me as big still.  Something I need to work on, I guess!  I'm still very selfconscious!  Hopefully day by day that will change!

I ran the entire 5K race without stopping to walk!  It took me 32 minutes, 29 seconds and it was HARD!  We ran up and over two bridges and by the time I was coming up that last bridge, my legs were like Jello!  I wanted to give up so badly but I kept telling myself how upset I would be if I gave up and walked.  So I kept chugging along and I made it through the finish line!  Wooo hoooooo!!!  A year ago I wouldn't have been able to walk those 3 miles, let alone run it.  I'm so proud of myself!  

My weight is down to 166 and I'm starting to feel bones all over that I never knew I had!  Part of me is a tad worried because my body fat percentage is getting lower and lower and I wonder how much more I should lose.  But on the other hand I want to lose more and get down to a normal BMI, which would put me at 155 pounds.  I guess I'll just keep up my eating and exercise plan and see where that leads me! 

My 5K run is coming up in 10 days ... was I crazy to sign up for that?  What was I thinking?  I'm nervous about it but also excited because I know I can do it.  I just can't wait to prove it to myself!  I'm thinking of joining the Oregon Road Runners Club and signing up for more runs this year.  I figured that would keep me motivated to train for them so I'd have to keep running at the gym!

My weight is down to 168 now and I'm so excited!  I don't know how much lower I can go but I find myself wanting to go lower and lower.  I will have another appointment with the Dietician and Surgeon on May 9th and I'm anxious to see what they say ... they will run another body composition analysis on me and I'm very curious what my body fat percentage is down to now!

Easter is just a few days away and I've been eating some Easter candy and not suffering any ill-effects from it.  This scares me!  I wish I was one of those lucky few who dumps on sugar but I don't really seem to.  I have to keep reminding myself that moderation is key.  I can have "some" candy, but I can't overdo it like I used to.  I have to keep the mindset that it's okay to have a piece of candy ... it doesn't make me a failure or a bad person.  It makes me human!  I just have to keep track of everything I eat and make sure I'm exercising and I'll be fine.  Right?!  Why does it seem so hard?!

Well, I made it!  I made it to my surgeon's goal weight of 175.  Woo hoo!  Holy freaking cow!  That should make my body fat percentage 21%.  Any smaller and I'll be in the "Athletic" category.  Hee, hee, I find that hilarious!

I've been very active at the gym lately ... I'm now able to run for 3 miles on the treadmill!  I get sweaty as a pig but I can do it!  I'm also taking Spin classes regularly.  It just feels great to be doing all these activities!  I feel alive!

I'm having a hard time with food because I'm finding that I can eat things that I shouldn't be eating.  So I'm trying my best to keep them out of the house.  Out of sight, out of mind, right?  Ha, ha!  I wish it were that easy!  I don't know why I'm so fixated on food but I need to quit it.  No way will I go back to what I was. 

Woo hoo!  My weight is down to 179.75 pounds!  Holy cow, I'm below 180.  I never thought that would happen!  My surgeon's goal for me is 175 because my body fat percentage is fairly low.  I'm almost there!  Can that even be possible???

I just signed myself up to run a 5K race in April!  I cannot even believe I just did that!  I've started running on the treadmill at the gym and last night I ran for 15 minutes straight without stopping.  I was so proud!  So I'm hoping by April I'll be able to run the 5K without stopping.  It's a huge goal but I know I can do it!

My weight is now down to 181.50 pounds ... getting closer to my surgeons goal of 175.  I have an appointment at the end of the month and I'm anxious to hear what they say.