Debby65

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Hello everyone. I know that it has been a long while since I have written on here, but things have been really busy. I am at 188lbs and in April22 of this year it will be 2years since my surgery. YEAH!!!! I have never been happier with my weight loss. I just wish I would have done this a long time ago. I am still feeling every now and then like I am still really big. I see that person every now and then when I am down and yes, the first thing I want to do is eat!! but I don't I grab either water or a granola bar or something like that. I excersie everyday for at least one hour and I eat three times a day and have maybe 2 snacks a day. I can pretty much eat anything which sometimes is not a good thing.I know when to not touch certain things. Like dognuts. I have not tasted a donut since before my surgery and I know that if I do I would not stop. I don't want to risk that. I keep a long way way from the donuts. Other then that it has been a daily thing. I think about what to eat, when to eat every day. I don't think about sneeking food anymore. I always used to do that. I eat when I have to, not when I am hungry. I don't think that I have really been hungry . I mean In my head I think I am sometimes, but I have not had hunger pain since surgery. I eat because I have to, not because I want to. I think that is so weird to me, but it is how it is now. I hope all the new people out there really read all these blogs on here and really look into what they want in a surgery and be really ready to do this if they do have the surgery. It is not a quick fix, but a tool that can fail, just like everything else, if you don't treat it with the respect that it deserves. Be sure and always know that this site is here to help you see that it is not always easy and all the things that can happen and all the things that you should know. Stay strong in what you beleive in and it will happen for you.

D    

I can't believe I did it. I got a new job!!!  I told you before that I had had it at my old job and that life there was like being a piece of furniture.  Well low and behold my old boss called me a offered my a job at his company. I was just so excited I have been there for one week and all is Great!!! I feel so much better with myself and with my life. I MATTER!!! 
My old jerk of a boss didn't even care when I told him that I was leaving. He is telling everylone that I left because of money, but money had NOTHING to do with it. It was all him. You know what? It doesn't even matter anymore. I am in such a better place that he is so not worth talking about.

Now I am so sorry for not writing in so long, but as you can guess I have been a little busy.  I am down 122 lbs and I am feeling great!!!  I still work out at home and walk alot and now I take the stairs to get to my office which is really great. I hated stairs before. I used to get winded after like 5 stairs, but now they are no problem.

I just wanted to give a little up date and let everyone know what is going on.

D

From my title you can just guess how I am feeling today!!First I will start on some great notes. I have lost a total of 111 lbs and I am feeling great!! I just went to Knott's Berry Farm and DIsneyland and I fit on all the rides. I just wanted to cry about that one. That was the whole reason I had my surgery was to be able to go on rides with my 5 year old son and I did it!!! When I went to both places I do have to admit that I had such anxiety. I was sure that I would not fit and all I did was look as people in front of me and think Ok, that person looks biggger then me and if they can get on I will be able to. I was so scared about that and about being embrassed about not fitting. I was telling my husband about that and he just laughed and told me that I was crazy. Now crazy or not you think like this all the time. I know I do. I have a fat head and I know that I will for a long time..

Now as to why I am pissed off. You know you think you know people and you think ok, this person has my back and they will stand up for me when I am not there and I know that this person is in my corner and then you come to find out that yes, they may be in your corner when you are ther, but when they have to stand up for you, well forget it. They just agree with the person your upset with and use words like I"I don't think or maybe" What the hell? Why are people like that? I just don't understand that. When I believe in something and I know for fact that someone is screwing me I stand up and I don't faulter. Why do people always feel that they can't stand up for not only themselves, but other people. I just don't get when people bad mouth someone and then to that persons face they are so sweet and act like that prson hung the moon. If I am mad at someone they know about it and I don't care who it is. I want them to know that I am upset. People always play this stupid game. I hate it. It's very sad to me when people you care about and believe in and want in your life, they let you down and turn for money or somethiing like that and they walk because people lie to them and tell them that you wouldn't mind if they just walk away so go ahead things will be fine. Well the hell with that!!!! You beleive and love people and they S*%#t all over you. Like I said"PEOPLE SUCK"!!!

I feel like I am disappearing in my life at work. Like I just don't matter anymore. No one cares about what I think or what I want to do for our clients. All they are out for in the almighty doller to go into there own pockets. Everyone around me are in the sam boat with me and don't make anymore then me, but still follow whatever to go no where fast. It is really sad. and I am no longer happy here. Life is very sad when you feel like nothing. You have your job to be you and when they take that away from you. Who are you then? I just don't know. Very sad 

I know things will get better once I change who or what I am to be the best me that I can be. I know things will get better. I have to live for me know and not for the people (I thought) cared about me.

D

I JUST WANTED TO BLOG ABOUT MY TRIP YESTERDAY TO THE AVENUE STORE. I WENT THERE TO PICK-UP A PAIR OF JEANS AS I HAD RECEIVED A COUPON FOR SOME AT 10 DOLLERS. (CAN'T DO BETTER THEN THAT!!) I WENT AND LOOKED AROUND AND I PICKED SOME JEANS THAT WHERE A SIZE 18 WHICH I HAD IN MY HEAD WOULD NO WAY FIT ME, BECAUSE I HAVE NOT BEEN BELOW A SIZE 20 IN YEARS. I JUST THOUGHT THAT I WOULD TRY THEM ON JUST TO SEE HOW MUCH MORE I COULD GET UP MY ASS. ANY WHO I PULLED THEM ON ANS LOW AND BE HOLD THEY FIT AND NOT JUST FIT, BUT FIT A LITTLE BIG. SO HERE I STOOD THINKING SHOULD I TRY A 16? I HAVE NOT BEEN IN A SIZE 16 SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL AND THERE WAS NO WAY THAT I WOULD FIT IN A 16 NOW, BUT WHAT THE HELL I WAS GAME. I WENT OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM AND GOT A SIZE 16 ALL THE TIME THINIKING THEY ARE NOT GOING TO FIT ME, BUT I NEED TO TRY. I PULLED THEM ON WITH LITTLE EFFORT AND I WILL BE DAMED THEY FIT!!!  I JUST WANTED TO CRY!!! HAPPY HAPPY TEARS. I ALSO WANTED TO SCREAM OUT LOUD ,BUT I THOUGHT IF I DID I WOULD SCARE EVERYONE IN THE STORE. I COULD NOT BELEIVE THIS. LIKE I SAID I HAVE NOT WORN A 16 SINCE I WAS IN 7TH OR 8TH GRADE SO TO BE IN A 16 NOW AT THE AGE OF 42 IS JUST WONDERFUL TO ME. 

I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY STORY AND TO LET ALL THE NEW PEOPLE OUT THERE KNOW THAT IF YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT LOSING FAST ENOUGH OR THAT IT WILL NEVER COME. THINK AGAIN. IT WILL AND YOU JUST HAVE TO STICK WITH WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND KNOW THAT THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT YOU COULD HAVE EVER DONE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR BODY.

D 

Well today is a good day. It's Friday and all is good. I am down over 100lbs and I will be 6months out on the 22nd of October. I have to say that the weight loss has been slower now, but that is ok with me. As long as I stay the same or lose I am forever happy!!!! I feel so much better with myself then I have in a long time. I mean I still know that I have alot more to lose , but I am so proud of me for getting where I am today. I know that I am not the most beatiful or the most special person in the world, but I know that I am loved. My childern are so proud of me which makes me feel really good. I love when my daughter says that she can see a difference in me and that she is proud. See? that is what I wanted I want my kids to see what I can do. I want them to know that this is for not just me,but for them and that without them I am nothing and would be nothing. I did this to be healthy, yes, but I also did it to see my kids grow up and get married and be there and not have my kids embarressed of there mother. I know that they would never say that, and I didn't want them to even think it. It was in my head and I know that is how I felt when I went to things for them. I was embarressed for them, because I was there mother. (How sad is that?) any who. I don't feel like that anymore. I feel great and I know that this was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
Thank you to everyone who gives me support every week at my support group. I go every Friday just to see all the wonderful people who have had the surgery and who are getting ready to. I love being there with them. They are my Options family and without them I know that I would be a basket case. I can't stess enough how much support you need from people who are in the sam boat as you. They know what you are going through and they know how you are feeling, because they have felt that way too.Family and friends are great support don't get me worng, but support from people who have been there is a great boost and helps you so,so much.

Well there you are for today. I just wanted to talk alittle. Until next time

D

 I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!! TODAY WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF ME LIFE!!! TALK ABOUT A WOW MOMENT!!!! I WENT TO THE DOCTOR TODAY FOR MY 6 MONTH CHECK UP (6 MONTHS IS ACTUALLY ON OCTOBER 22) SO I AM ACTUALLY A LITTLE OVER 5 MONTHS OUT TODAY .ANY WHO I GOT ON THE SCALE AND I JUST WANTED TO CRY I WAS AT 238LBS.!!!!! WHICH MEAN THAT I HAVE LOST A TOTAL OF 100 LBS FROM WHEN I STARTED ON MY JOURNEY FOR WEIGHT LOSS.
 I WAS 338LBS WHEN I BEGAN MY OPTIONS CLASSES AND AS OF TODAY I AM 100LBS. LIGHTER. NEXT TO GIVING BIRTH TO MY CHILDREN THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST DAYS OF ME LIFE. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM TO THE WORLD LOOK WHAT I HAVE DONE. IT HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN AN EASY ROAD, BUT THIS IS THE MOST WEIGHT THAT I HAVE EVER LOST IN ALL THE TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE TRIED TO LOSE WEIGHT. THIS TIME THOUGH IT IS STAYING OFF!!!!

I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY JOY WITH MY OH PEOPLE AND LET THEM KNOW THAT YES!!! YOU CAN DO IT AND AT TIMES WHEN YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE IN TO MUCH PAIN OR YOU ARE FEELING HUNGRY, OR YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST CAN'T DO IT. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YES! YOU CAN DO IT AND YES! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AND YES! IN THE LONG RUN THIS IS ALL WORTH IT. AND DAM IT, DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT, THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT WE HAVE TO GO THOUGH AND THEY NEVER WILL.

WE CALL ALL DO IT AND OUR HEALTH AND LIVES WILL BE BETTER FOR IT. I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND WITH MY SON AND KNOW THAT WHEN I AM STANDING IN LINE THAT I WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM GETTING ON THAT RIDE. I WANT THAT SO BAD AND I KNOW THAT THAT DAY IS COMING.

JUST KEEP THE FAITH AND IT WILL ALL BE GOOD. LIKE I HAVE READ ON HERE MANY A TIME. IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU!!!!!!!

LOVE  D

You know I sit here and I am thinking about my life in regards to my surgery. I think that I should be jumping for joy everyday knowing that I have lost 91 lbs. so far!!! I can't even beleive that!! Me? Debby? I LOST 91 LBS. I can't wrap my head around it. I feel great (orther then haveing strep thoat right now) and I know that I have lost the weight because all my what I call regular clothes are big and the few pieces I have that are smaller are getting big, but when I look in the mirror. I still see me. Me the person who top the scale at over 300 lbs. Why can't I see the new me yet? I know that we all go through this and I know there will come a day when I look in the mirror and see the new me, but right now I don't see it. I look and I look and I still see the same person. This to me is sad. I know that I have a long way to go still so maybe that is why I don't see it. I know that I still can't shop and any store and not everything will fit me. I know this so maybe that is why. I really don't know. Like everything in life I want it NOW and I know in my head it all takes time. I was just thinking about this and it just got me a little depressed. I know in my head that it will all work out and I will see the thin person inside one day but for now I just can't. I always think of that song "Beautiful" by Christina Agulaira and that always makes me feel better. I know that I am beautiful inside and out and I know that I will only be getting more healthy and more beautiful the more I lose. I know it is not for vanity I am doing this, but it sure would be nice to have someone tell me that I am more attractive then I was.

Anyway that was my pitty party today. I just wanted to vent and share, because I know that we all go through these feelings and I know in my heart that it will get better.

I will write more soon.

D

Hello All

Just a check in. Everything is going good as far as the weight loss is concerned. I am now down 90 lbs. which is great!!! I think I can fit into a size 14/16 in blouses, but I am still to chicken to try. I know that my size 18/20's are getting to big,because they are falling off my shoulders. I also had to go and get some more new bras. this time I went to a 40C. I was orginally a 41 DD. Yes! I am losing my chest! But you know what? I will take it anyway I can get it. I am working out everyday. I either swim for about 2 hours or I ride my bike for and 1 1/2 hour . That is the one thing that I do everyday. I feel guilty if I don't do something everyday. I can pretty much eat anything. There are times when I get sick though. So somethings I don't eat again and other times I know that it was me that caused me to get sick, becasue I either ate to fast or got to much air in when I was eating.(meaning I was talking while I was eating). I knew that when I started this I was going to dump so it's not unexpected. Once I do get sick I feel better and I move on. The one thng I do try to do is only eat three times a day and have one snack.

I am so happy with this tool that was given to me I can't even tell you. I have finally been able to either stay at one weight or continue lossing weight. Yes! there are times when the scale does not move for a week or two and then I will lose 4-5 lbs. and yes! I do get frusterated when I don't see the scale move, but I can't help that, it is who I am. 

I know that you are suppose  to measure yourself to, but I don't do that I forgot from the beginning so I haven't done it. I know that I have lost inches and all, but I do live by the scale right now. Sorry just me.

Well that is it for now. I hope everyone is doing well and keep updating. I pull so much insperation from all of you.

Thank you for all your wonderful comments

D  

Hello Everyone,

I'm sorry it has taken me awhile to write. I just felt like I had the same thing to say this whole time. You know, NO ONE has said not one word to me about my weight loss and YES!!!! it is pissing me off!!!! 

I have now lost a total of 82 lbs. since I started my journey with my options classes and after my surgery. I count every pound I have lost as I had them all before I started. I am feeling great. I excercise everyday. I am either swimming or I ride my bike, but what ever it is I do something every day.

I am down from a size 26 to a 20. I think if I buy some pants I could fit into an 18, but I am still nervous about trying things on. I feel a little scared with doing that.

I do love how I feel though. I have much more energy and can do more with my 4 year old. I love it. I would never change having this surgery. It was a heaven sent thing for me. I will forever be gratful to Kaiser and Pacific Bariatric for helping me do this. I also have to thank all the people in my support group. They know how I feel and they are the people I not only admire, but appreciate having in my life. Without them I know that I would be very confused and feeling alone. They understand . THANK YOU GUYS!!!!
 I also want to thank this site for being here too. Without it I would not have had my surgery. I read and read on this site for all the information I needed and going on the message board and reading all the questions and asking questions here really helped me alot.

THANK YOU!!!

Well that is it for now I will be back as soon as I can and hopefully I will be at the 100 lbs. loss by then. Until next time.

D
  

Hello everyone, how are things? I hope all is good out there. For me all is going good. I went to my PC yesterday and all was good all my lab work came back good. I am down intotal of 72 lbs and could not be more happy about that.

I have not been at this weight since about 6 years and I love it. I want so much to get to the 100's. I know that will be soon. 

The only thing that I don't undersand is that I have not gotten any WOW"s from anyone. I mean here I am 72 lbs. smaller and no one has said anything.What is going on???  It makes me wonder if I look any different. I don't know. I mean it makes me feel like OH My Gosh was I that big that even 72 lbs you can't tell??? I mean really!!!!! Anyway other they getting no feed back all is good with me. I really feel I need some kind of feed back. Don't I? Yes!!! I do!!! I want some dam it!!!!

Ok,Ok Just venting, but still. Why ? Ok, I'll stop!!!

I really am in a good mood though. 

Next week I see my surgeon for my 3 month check up, so that should be good. Other then that there is no news. I will update again in a few day (I hope) if I don't I will do it soon.

For anyone out there who is like me and doesn't get any feed back remember that you did this for you and only you. I keep telling myself that in the hopes that one day I will actually make myself believe it. YOu should just be happy with how you feel right? Right.

Back soon


D