demented_kitten

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Hah, I don't even know what to write on this. I kind of dropped off this site it seems. Hmm updates right? Do I even have any friends left on this site? :P 

Wellllll let's seeeeee, big news first, last August I was diagnosed with MS so I've been living with that and all the new changes that entails. My weight loss was no longer my first focus but that doesn't mean I slipped off the bandwagon or anything. I just didn't really have time to focus on food logs or weighing myself. Exercising is harder, I have more restrictions now and all the MS doctors tell you to do yoga and calm exercises but there really isn't any around me so I just walk on my treadmill.

I'm re-thinking my "goal" weight, I like where I am. I grew up fat and my entire life has been fat so my bones have grown out to accommodate that. In other words, I will never be any thinner in most spots than I am now. I can see all my ribs but I'm still pretty thick. In the places I wish I could lose weight I know I wont (my baggy saggy thighs) and the places I wish I still had weight left but I lost it (boobs and butt lol). Beggars can't be choosers ;) and that's what plastics are for, am I right? 

... and speaking of plastics, as I sit here typing this at 3:30 am, I am at home on recovery from my Fleur-de-Lis tummy tuck! I got it two weeks ago, I am in heaven, I have a belly button, I have some curves! It's amazing really, to think this was all hiding under layers of skin. Maybe if I'm feeling brave I'll post some pictures, if people actually want to see... ?

So that's that I guess, my mini-update and hello! Haha... summer is coming up and some exciting things are happening in my near-future so hopefully I'll keep this updated

I hate keeping a blog, I forget about it after a while. So much has been going on I'm not even sure what to write about. My 6 month check up was good, all my labs were good, well my vitamin D was a little low (hey I live in WASHINGTON... that's expected) but it was still within the "range" of what it's supposed to be. I've lost 80 lbs so far, it's been so slow though these last couple months I swear I was down 75 lbs at 4 months so have I only lost 5 lbs these last two months? I guess I'm just so anxious because as soon as I hit 220 me and my mom are going SKYDIVING *SO EXCITED* but there's a weight limit of 220 *ugh* but it really gives me a goal.

OH, I flew on a plane for the first time EVER in June. I wasn't worried at all, the seats were comfortable, the seat belt fit well. I went to California with one of my best friends to visit another friend whose stationed at Camp Pendleton down there. It was a lot of fun, it was nice not to feel inhibited by my weight. I didn't do as much down there as I thought I was going to be able to though. When I got back home I had quite a bit of money left so me and my guy went white water rafting! It was so much fun I went again with my mom and plan on going again next month. I want to work up to level 5 white water rapids... the kind where you go off of little waterfalls. Oh did I say I'm going para-sailing this month too? I guess I've found my adrenaline junkie side because after the para-sailing, I'm going para-gliding then should be at my weight to go SKYDIVING. So much to do, so little nice weather left.... I'd really like to go scuba diving as well.

What else have I been up to... oh, been planning my wedding. Our date is 10/10/10, kind of cute huh? I have over a year to plan but it feels like there's not enough time. I want to buy a house so bad, but I'm not sure my job is steady enough. Which reminds me, I finally got hired back (I work contracting so ... we fluctuate with the market I guess) so it's good to not be such a lazy bum anymore.

That's all the good stuff that's been going on, I've also been dealing with some very depressing health issues that scare me to tears but I guess I won't go into that until I have my answer on the 24th of this month. It almost feels as though this whole weight loss surgery wasn't worth it if this is what I have *sigh*.

Anyways, that's my lil update.



Oh, forgot to mention I now fit into a Torrid's size 14... which I think is a 16 in other brands... so I'm a 14/16 :)

I suck at blogs. I'll just say that first off, I can never keep up with them. A lot has happened but I don't remember any of it now. For those who were reading my previous postings, I did say how I had heart tests and kidney tests and all that being done but I forgot to mention it all came back clear! So that was a relief let me tell you.

On to more depressing things, I did lose my job. Thank GOD it was after they already approved and paid for my surgery. So I'm being an unemployed lazy bum as of the moment. There's a possibility of going back with the same company I was working for, it's all depending on if they can get a new contract or not. Oh the joys of working in the contracting world. So we were ALL layed off, not just me, not that it makes it any better but it's nice not to be the only one ya know? 

I had my first official stall, and it sucked. I don't know if you guys can relate, but this is how I lose weight. I'll lose say 5 pounds over night, that's great right? Well then the rest of the week or two is spent RE-LOSING that same amount of weight haha going up and back down until I'm back at that -5 mark. It's frustrating but whatever. Well, when I hit 255 I stalled for 2 1/2 weeks, no up and down that time. I talked to my nutritionist and she said it probably had to do with my monthly cycle and sure enough last night I started and sure enough this morning I was 3 lbs lighter. Aren't we a lucky bunch (us girls).

I'm VERY, no, EXTREMELY excited to say, I've now hit the 100 lbs lost mark!!! Obviously this is not since my RNY surgery, this is from my highest weight before, when I had the lap band put in. When I had the lap band, I was 354 lbs, in that 5 year span I got down to only 310 lbs right before the removal of the band and revised to the RNY. I am now at 252 so that's 102 lbs since my HIGHEST weight ever. I can't wait until I hit that 100 lbs lost with the RNY. I'm down 58 lbs so more than half way there. Okies well I'm off to start my day, toodles!

P.S. have I said how awesome you guys are lately? If not, you guys are awesome :)

... or anything, but lately I'm loving taking pictures of myself! It's seriously the ONLY way I can see any weight loss. The mirror doesn't show anything but now I just upload the pic and open it side by side with a similiar "before" picture of me and I can see a difference! I'm so excited... forget my last blog, I'm not worried about the stalls at all anymore as long as I don't completely stop losing. Who cares if I'm the slowest losing RNYer ever, just as long as I lose

P.S. ... I might change my tune later down the road (about the stalls) haha so don't hold me to it!

1st pic (today) 3.25.09                                                                 2nd pic 8.26.08


Until later,

3/24/09 --
I haven't been updating this like I should, but I don't know if anyone reads this anyways so I feel it's kind of pointless haha. I guess it would be a good recollection of events for my own benefit sometime in the future so maybe I should stick with it.
 
As of today, I've lost 40 lbs. and I think that's really good, yet bitter sweet. The first 30 was lost while I was still on my pureed food stage, and since I've been eating solid foods it seemed like a HUGE struggle to lose the last 10 lbs.... I've already hit maybe 3 stalls which doesn't seem normal this early out. I've still been going to the gym and according to my nutritionist, I'm doing "excellent" with my food journal and food choices. I make an excel sheet for my food journal, it helps. I plug in all the information then at the end of the day just use the "autosum" feature to tally up my calories, protein and liquid intakes. About once a week I then send it off to my NUT. She LOVES it like that, she praises me each time we talk haha so that encourages me to keep going with the food journal, hopefully, until forever.

I got Lasik surgery last week (3/16/09), and being able to see is such a wonderful thing. I'm also getting Mirena put in next week so hopefully I won't have any complications with that. Some people have been teasing me that I'm doing a full make over... well... why the hell not?! It's for medical/health reasons and why not get it all taken care of at once. I was having eye infections with contacts and I'd get migraines from wearing glasses... so I got Lasik. I have symptoms of PCOS and also I don't want to get pregnant (obviously) so why not get Mirena? I also got all the skin tags around my neck removed (another symptom of PCOS) and I now have fully met my insurance co-pay for the year so any other medical appointment or ANYTHING that's covered will now be covered at 100%. Feels nice. Especially since I have a LOT of check up appointments and lab work to be done.

Speaking of lab work, I still have YET to get any results back from all the tests they've done on me that I spoke about in my other blogs. I don't know how my heart is doing, and I don't know if my kidneys are messed up. I hate waiting, why is it taking this long? That's not the only bad news I have either, I might be out of a job! 

I work in contracting and surprise surprise in this economy, our division that I work for (only 7 of us) lost the contract everyone was getting paid with. Well we didn't "lose" it per se, we lost funding and I guess it's "pending" to get to us. I go back to work off of short term disability on the 31st and I have NO idea what is going to happen. I signed FMLA paperwork that says I'm guaranteed a work position and the same rate of pay that I had when I left... so how does that work coming back to no job?! I have to go straight onto unemployment? It's too confusing... no one is "laid off" but were not working and they're collecting unemployment. Do you still keep your medical insurance in that case? I hate the what-if's... I wish I could stay on short term disability pay, I'm almost getting used to being home all day long (NOT!). Anyway, I hope you are doing excellent (whoever is reading this) and I want you to leave me a comment telling me how well you are doing... all this negativity is getting me down.

Until later,

I'm kind of excited, today I joined a local gym with my sister and fiance so that should REALLY force me to do well. They'll both kick my butt if I try to back out :)... I think I've been doing pretty good though, I exercise every day (treadmill 30 minutes) and my requirements are only 3 - 4 times a week! I'm actually somewhat excited to be doing something other than walking, some sort of weight training type of thing and using big fun fancy machines haha.

Unfortunately that's where the excitement ends, I've hit my first plateau and it sucks *tear tear*. I wish I knew a way to jump start it again but I guess it will come in time. It's been 1 1/2 weeks of gaining and losing the same pound *grr*. I told my guy to hide the scale from me and he did so I'm going to weigh in every Sunday now and stop being a scale watcher.  

Lastly, I'm still waiting to hear about all of my medical issues. I have my appointment next week so I guess I'll know then. I'm worried, pray for me guys! I don't want to have to see a cardiologist or a kidney specialist, frankly I'm tired of doctors' offices!

OH and I'm getting Lasik surgery while I'm off work. SOOOOO excited not to have to mess with contacts anymore. That appointment is March 16th so I'm kind of counting down. I feel good I'm getting all of my medical crap taken care of while I'm already off of work, instead of taking MORE time off for appointments etc.

I guess it went well :-) I get to eat solid foods now (yay me) well more or less soft solids. I've officially lost 25 lbs so I don't know if that's average or not but I'm excited!

Onto the bad news, I had a regular PCP check up on the 16th and found out I'm not doing all too well at the moment. My triglycerides are way up, have high blood pressure, my UA showed protein, ketones, billirubin (the ketones are semi-normal since the surgery) and my EKG was abnormal so I had to get a heart ultrasound last Friday and I'll find out the results of this tomorrow when I go back to see my doctor. This kind of freaks me out ....

Oo I guess I better update this a little bit! Ok well after me being clumsy, I obviously started taking my pain meds more (as prescribed since I wasn't really taking them at all) and that helped but I think it gives me light headed spells and also makes me very sleepy so now I just take them more at night. My thumb doesn't hurt anymore but it is really tight when I bend it so that will come in time.
 
I've ventured out of the house 3 times now (not just stepped out but someone took me somewhere) and all of those times I got uncontrollable urges to go out to eat. It's hard, but obviously the people I was with know my situation and no matter how much begging I could have done they wouldn't of taken me anywhere haha. Head hunger is a killer, but I do great at my house. It's like I quit smoking cold turkey, I have an addiction.

I'm 10 days post op today (if I did my math correct... I suck at math) and I'm down 17 lbs! I'm excited, I don't know what the normal is but hell that's better than I could of done myself over 6 months probably. I never officially posted my weight (that I know of) but surgery day I weighed in at 310 and today I weighed 293. Feels so awesome to see a 2 not a 3 at the beginning. I think with my lap-band I lost a total of 24 lbs at the beginning and then up and down for 5 years. I'll be excited to post again once I blow past 24 lbs. I read somewhere that you don't lose as much weight or as fast as others if you had a lap-band and then did RNY compared to those who just go to RNY first. I'm going to do everything I can to blow that statistic out of the water, I think that's bull... well it makes sense a little but still. It made me sad when I read it.

I've been trying to keep myself busy with other things, anything, but it's sort of hard. I can't really concentrate long enough, plus you don't really have time to do something time-consuming because you're constantly watching a clock and planning meals and doing math to figure out your calorie/protein intake. I wouldn't change it for anything though. I'm thoroughly happy with the choice I made.

I fell down the stairs into our garage (2 steps but still...) and twisted my ankle and sprained my thumb... fun right? Oh and  I landed on top of the steps on my stomach and all my insides and stitches hurt. I love how lucky I am

2/4/09

The day after surgery was rough. That night I didn't get any sleep (don't think anyone does) because they come in and check your vitals constantly, but everyone was SO nice. I kept tangling up all of the cords hooked to me and the oxygen in my nose was hurting and drying out my nostrils lol. If I wasn't hot, I was cold. I was either sweating up a storm or shivering. When I woke up I had to have the UGI done, and that was the worst tasting thing I've ever had to swallow. It's not the regular barium some of you had to drink BEFORE the surgery, it's something different, and so much much worse.

After they looked at the results and said it all looked good (no leaks) they released me to start drinking water. That's when they took me off of the PCA (self administering drugs via the push button) to start taking oral medications and that's when everything went down hill, not because they took me off the drugs, just because drinking ANYTHING was hurting. I hadn't really been using the PCA before anyways but drinking water was making me hurt so bad. I took the oral meds and it just sat on my stomach and about an hour later I puked them back up. Then I started running a 100 degree temperature and they said I was having a fever and I might not get to go home until Friday again. I was so miserable, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't get up and walk very well like I could the day of surgery and I got into that "OMG what did I just do to my body" type of feeling. I had some really vivid dreams too, sometimes when I woke up I couldn't tell if they were real or a dream and I'd start crying thinking I messed something up because in my dream I had eaten something I wasn't supposed to for example and it took me a while to realize that it was only a dream. I got to eat some sugar free Jello and that was about all I could handle. When it was time for me to sleep, I tried sleeping on my side but that was a HUGE no-no (still is) because it just hurts so bad. One of the nurse techs came in a talked to me a while about tattoos and piercings haha he was pretty neat, then shortly after he left, the anesthesiologist came in and said he heard through the grapevine I wasn't feel so good so he wanted to some see me (this was late at night) and I thought that was just so cool he came and said hi. It was hard for me to fall asleep that night but I was finally able to get some sleep.

2/5/09

When I woke up this day, it was like someone flipped a switch and was like "ok you're aloud to feel better again". I felt good, I got up and walked, I asked (and begged) to take a shower and they finally let me when they seen I was able to walk with no problem. That felt so incredibly good, taking a shower haha, I'd never wanted one so bad in my life! They kept asking if I wanted any pain medications and I refused them all (because I really felt better). I ate breakfast (more jello) and lunch (jello and chicken broth) and sipped water which was still kind of hard. They kept me attached to the IV because I wasn't drinking much. They also don't let you leave until you pass gas so they kept asking me the whole time (which I hadn't done) so I thought I was still going to end up staying another night. My surgeon came in to check on me and said I was doing really good and asked me if I wanted to go home that day and I said yes! I felt ready. It took a couple more hours to get all the paperwork and everything ready for me to go home, he gave me some instructions before he left that the nurse wrote up. She also brought in pain meds and said I probably WILL want to take them now because they have to remove the drain tubes (I had one in each side of my stomach) and that hurts sometimes....
 
Yea that was the most PAINFUL experience out of everything. I thought they were little tubes but no, they're wrapped all over inside your stomach and it was at least 2 feet worth of tubing on each of them that they pulled out. It was crazy, it made me feel like my entire stomach was having heartburn, it was burning so bad. It was so weird too, weird feeling. They looked like tapeworms at the end (flat with holes). Anyways, we left the hospital at 2:30 pm and I still was feeling pretty good even after those tubes being pulled out. The drive home was horrible though, 1 1/2 hour drive and I normally get car sick anyways, but with that added on top of the surgery I felt like I wasn't going to make it home. I was SO miserable on the way home. I was crying and regretting leaving, and wishing I was still in the hospital.... but obviously I made it home in one piece. After a little while of being home I ate my first pureed meal which was split pea soup with flavorless protein powder mixed in to up the protein. It was good actually, I felt full before my 1/4cup was gone and stopped eating. I slept ok but it was kind of hard to go back to my flat bed after having a neato hospital bed that moves up and down at the touch of a button. It was still kind of hard sleeping on my back.

2/6/09

I had the WEIRDEST DREAMS last night. I had so many. One was all about trying to find dried spinach (?) at a grocery store because something I wanted to eat had that as an ingredient. I found dried seaweed, I found plastic spinach decorations (no idea on that one) and I finally found the dried spinach isle in the grocery store but there was too many to chose from. Some were purple and sparkly, others were neon green and sequence. It was a weird weird dream.

Then I dreamed I ate McDonald's and I felt so guilty I ruined my surgery. I woke up honestly thinking I ate McDonald's. I was so upset, I started crying and thinking why did I get this surgery, I'm so stupid, I don't want it anymore.

After I fell back asleep from that one I dreamed I was back at work and all of my co-workers were offering me chocolate and I was having to run an obstacle coarse to avoid all the chocolate. Like a mouse trap game.

When I finally woke up for real, I was sweaty and extremely hot. I think I was feverish a little again. I felt super nauseous too so I had to drag myself out of bed and go down stairs to take my anti-nausea meds. I tried cooking myself a tiny omelet with egg beaters but I got so frustrated and sick feeling I just went and cried on the couch. I felt so pathetic this morning. No one talks about how much of a math wizz you have to be with this surgery! Counting ounces, measurements, trying to figure out just how many calories and protein you ate because you ate way less than the serving size. I was so frustrated. I finally did my best though and now here I am, eating a tiny cheesy pureed blob of egg beaters with a tiny bit of fat free cottage cheese on the side. Sure tastes good... and I'm not being sarcastic.