Denise W.
My introduction sums up the basics of my life pretty well, but I guess here is where I am supposed to talk about my weight struggles. I figured I would include pictures, since they lay this out so much better than I could with just words alone.
As a kid, I don't think I was ever really fat. Just a bit bigger than the other kids. I was always the tallest in the class, with a bit of a pot belly. Looking back, I think that every kid gets teased for something, mine just happened to be weight. And it was hard. I remember running home crying after school. I remember the ridicule. It sucked.
My weight was up and down as a teenager. I don't remember ever being HUGE, but I know that I wasn't considered slim. I was active in high school, taking dance classes, being on the swim team, etc. I was a cheerleader my senior year of high school which kept me pretty active. Again, I was never slim, and I was definitely the biggest one on the team, but I wasn't fat either.
However, once I graduated high school, I wasn't nearly as active as I used to be, and my weight slowly started to climb. At maybe 160ish when I graduated, I crossed the 200lb mark sometime during junior college. I don't remember every really being concerned about, or even really trying to do much about it.
In 1994, I went off to college, moving away from home for the first time. Not only did I gain the freshman 15, but also the sophomore 20, the junior 30, and then some. I went to a party school, which included copious amounts of alcohol 5-6 nights per week.
I actually worked in a doctor's office while in school, and tried the whole Fen/Phen thing, which actually worked pretty darn well! However, I wasn't exercising, and still drinking a lot. When I graduated, I was the heaviest I have ever been in my life - 289.
After graduation, I moved back to San Francisco to start work. My degree is in Information Systems, so I spend a lot of time on the computer, at a desk. I remember about 8 months after graduation, concentrating on trying to lose weight. I remember bringing my lunch every day, and then going out walking or to an exercise class after work. I had moderate success each time I dieted, but nothing ever stuck.
In 1994, a coworker recommended a program she was doing, which was a medically managed liquid diet. Again, I did moderately well, losing about 45 pounds, but it didn't stay off. When my gallbladder became blocked and had to come out, I was out of the program and completely fell off the program.
It was around then that I was diagnosed with diabetes--having had hypertension since I was 16 since it runs in the family.
For the next 10 years, I tried a variety of diets without sucess: Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc. My weight continued to fluctuate with each attempt, however I mostly stayed in the 225-230 range for during this time. I also realized that I dropped weight when I ate horridly, on account of my diabetes. It is a horrid diseases, that actually rewards you for eating crap! When your sugars are out of control, your body drops weight in an attempt to regulate itself. Of course, you are doing all kinds of long term damage, but it is hard to keep that in mind when you are chowing down on fast food every day and still losing weight.
In 2005, I tried out for Cheer San Francisco, and adult co-ed cheerleading squad. There are about 50 of us that raise money for people living with Cancer, Aids, and other life challenges. Between practices and performances, it gave me the motivation to get the weight off.
That same year, my Dad challenged the family to our own version of the Biggest Loser. My sister, dad, brother in law, and grandmother all have weight issues. I started at 257 in July 2005. The competition was good for me, and gave me a lot of motivation. Around that time (Dec 2005) I saw an ad for the TrimSpa challenge, and figured that if I was losing weight for one competition. why not step it up and try to win some serious cash?
I started the 12 week challenge in early January at 208, and ended up at 185! It took a HUGE amount of effort to attain this, but I felt fantastic!!! I was tracking every calorie, working out with a trainer, taking all kinds of different exercise classes, etc. Anything to get me off my butt. Losing weight had become my second full time job.
I didn't make it to the finals for TS, but it was a great finish. That same month, I met the man that I would eventually go on to marry. (This puts us at January 2006, for those of you keeping track). It was a whirlwind courtship which included going to my first ball!!!
Being the skinniest I had ever been in my adult life, I bought a gorgeous ball gown, and felt like a princess.
On April 1st (funny date for it), Mark proposed in front of the fountains at the Bellagio. I said yes, with the intention of having a long engagement. However, by mid May, I was pregnant! So we moved things up and had the wedding in August (4 months pregnant!).
My pregnancy was rather uneventful, except for having to closely monitor my diabetes and blood pressure. I was immediately put on insulin, which was a new experience for me. The problem with insulin (which I didn't learn until 6 months after my daugher was born) is that is makes you gain weight. I was maybe 190 lbs when I learned I was pregnant, and shot up to 220 in 3 weeks, due to the insulin. The weight continued to climb until the date I was induced, at 268 lbs.
I knew that this was to be expected, and figured that it was would come off quickly while breastfeeding. But no, that didn't happen. I had to stay on the insulin while breastfeeding, and while I was 225 when I got out of the hospital, I quickly ballooned back up to 260. I was frustrated beyond belief, since at this point (6 months out - July 2007) I was back to my pre-baby weight loss habits-eating healthy, counting calories, exercising, etc. And my weight continued to climb.
I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months (long story---baby never latched, was pumping 10 times per day, had to get back to work), and went to the doctor in tears. She explained the side effect of insulin (gee, now you tell me!!), and we changed meds.
That helped a bit, but even 2 months later, my weight hadn't budged. At this point, I gave up and threw any thoughts of weight loss out the window, and just ate what I wanted. My weight didn't climb, instead, I actually lost a bit due to the diabetes.
Knowing that I was slowly destroying myself, and given that I have been battling my weight since I was 17 --I was done. My sugars were off the charts, having been diabetic for 13 years now, and I needed help. I asked my doctor about the surgery and she was immediately supportive.
I researched my options under my insurance (Tri-Care through the military) and started down the road. In case you are interested: First, I researched doctor's in my area, and then looked up each name on the insurance website to see if they were covered. Then, I did the same with the nutritionists and psychologists in the area. I then typed up my diet history and brought all of this to my doctor. I walked away with three referrals (surgeon consult, nut, and psych) and my recommendation letter. My insurance didn't cover the Nut, but everything was covered. My first appt with the surgeon was Sept 17th 2007. They coordinated getting the approval for the surgery, and I had it on Jan 7th 2008. The procedure was approved from the first request.
This was taken on a Caribbean cruise about 4 weeks prior to surgery. Notice that I cropped out the arm fat, and you can't see the belly.....I have so many pictures like that!
Anyhoodles, there we have it....my entire weight struggle. I have to admit, it was tough writing this, and digging out the photos. Anytime I would take a good photo (looking thin, flab hidden) it would be preserved, hung on the wall, etc. But all my fat photos, like the ones here, I had to really dig for and then scan. Looking at them made me really sad, but at the same time, I treasure where I am now, and know it will continue to get better and better!
I have NEVER in my life, let my weight hold me back from anything. I have traveled, jumped out of an airplane, dated, and more. I am very proud of this, because I look at others I know who blame every problem in their life on their weight. My point is that we MUST NEVER let our weight define who we are. It is just another aspect of a person, but it does not need to dictate how you live your life.
I am going through this for two reasons. One, I want to be healthy. I want to be here to see my daughter grow up, I want to travel the world with her and my husband, I want to meet my grandchildren. I was eating myself to death and it needed to stop. Two, I need to be a good role model for my daughter. Growing up as a fat girl is a miserable experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone. As a parent, it is my duty to do whatever I can to ensure that I pass on healthy habits and realistic expectations to my daughter. If she sees me stuffing my face, chances are good, she will start stuffing hers.
