debra mcdonald

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 http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8897817776217053985#editor/target=post;postID=1714450522817155900

 http://bariatricstyle.blogspot.com/2012/02/we-cannot-create-self-love-and-loving.html  

When I started this journey, at my highest weight I was 400 pounds at least.
I am now at 240... that is 160 pounds, gone... ( I refuse to say lost as lost implies I want to find it,.., and lord knows I have no intention of finding it ever again)
The BMI calculator here had my BMI at 59.. super morbidly obese....
today it is at 35.4 merely obese... I never thought I would see the day when I would be happy with being obese... but at this point, my BMI is almost half of what I started at... I say that calls for a loud WHOOP...
From a size 32 to a size 22...(almost)
I have lost 6 inches in my chest... (now these are some inches I would like to find again) not an area I really wanted to loose it in... and wondering if when its all said and done can we take whats left over and put it back in the deflated balloons I call my breasts.. its a thought people...
Gone are 9 inches so far in my waist.. for the first time in I can't remember how long,when I look down I dont see belly poking out past my boobs... I see boobs (well if I am wearing a really good bra, you know the kind...push up and out) and then floor... thats freaking awesome.
Gone are 9 inches from my hips...
Gone are 4 1/2 inches from my thigh... ( I admit that this is one of those areas where the skin is killing me)
Gone are 2 inches from my calve
Gone are 2 1/2 inches from my upper arm... bat wings anyone... OMG... (and one is like 3 inches bigger then the other. How does that happen?)
Gone are 2 inches from my neck... I have a neck again... see it was there hiding all along...(kinda like  my lap)
Gone are 2 inches from my forearm...
Thats 37 inches in all so far, ( and thats only measuring one side of my body)
I am litterly half the person I once was and more woman then I ever was... ( had to throw that one in there)
and I am not quite 10 months out from surgery....
So.. clap with my while I do the happy dance..( looks like the chicken dance, anyone remember the chicken dance??)

Its amazing what happens after you have wls... you get a freakin' life...
Between being back to work ( and not missing a single day due to illness since I have been back after my surgery)...going on my first cruise, going on my first mystery dinner train excursion, actually dating again ( and should I say having sex again) working out occasionally ( as long as we aren't counting the sex part) I just have not had time to keep things up like I was...I am sorry...
I have to say I am loving my life...
I have lost 150 pounds since my surgery October 11Th last year... from 400 pounds to 250... so far... I have lost a whole person...my mother weighs 158 pounds and she was shocked that I have lost the equilivent of her... imagine carrying a full grown adult woman and a preteen child wrapped around your body all day every day... OMG... you have no idea the freedom that comes with finally being able to set them down...to be able to move, and to breathe deeper... to have hope again, to love life again...
Now I realize that I am still in the honeymoon phase and that's OK with me... I like honeymoons... I have done the research... I know that it doesn't always last... but I am going to enjoy it while it does, and hopefully, baring any unforeseen circumstances, and I continue to do all the things that I am suppose to do, it will be a long and happy honeymoon....
now for some particulars...
besides the 150 lb weight loss to date...
I am completely off the oxygen that I was on 24/7 before surgery
I am completely off the cpap machine
I am completely off 23 of the 25 meds I was on before surgery .. (using only 2 asthma meds)
I have been completely cleared of COPD... (though I still have and will always have asthma)
I am completely off all insulin...( was taking shots and pills before surgery)
My goal of being able to walk and breathe at the same time is accomplished.,,,

And there are other more intangible though no less important things that have happened...
I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin... loose as it may be
I am getting to know Debbie... my confidence level is through the roof... I am getting much better at setting boundaries and sticking to them.. I no longer think that I have to be someone  I am not to make others happy or accept me...either you do or you dint... its entirely up to you...I feel better about myself... I may be a "looser" but no longer am I a failure...

Is life perfect...hell no.. wasn't before surgery and I didn't expect it to be after... my life in and of it self has not changed... I on the other hand have changed a whole lot more then just the number on the scale and my dress size... the surgery is part of that, but the biggest part is and was the decision to fight for and change my life 10 months before the surgery happened... and getting the surgery was part of those changes I decided to make in the effort to fight for my life...without it the way I was going I would probably not have been here to write this blog...,not the way I was going...after a total of 6 months in and out of the hospital last year, (before wls) I was not going to last a whole lot longer... so to say I love my life... you have no idea... if I never lost another pound... I would still be ecstatic with the results... who wouldn't be..,
love you all...
Deb

The newest pictures ... I hit 300 here, just 2 days before my two month check up...The Little picture on the side is where I started at. 

years and years ago my mother told me about a woman that she saw walking down the street, she told me that woman just glowed. She knew her as what they use to call a "nodding aquaintance" My mother was so impressed by this woman's peace, and that she just seemed to be lit up all the time... I remember thinking I wanted to be like that... I wanted to make that kind of impression on others, it was just a story that touched my heart.
I never forgot about that woman my mother told me about or my desire to be like her, but you know how life happens and you push stuff to the back burner, besides that stuff is not really something that you have any control over... it just is or its not.
I spent years sick and tired and getting more sick and more tired, at times even suicidal, the only thing keeping me going was my kids who I loved with my whole heart. And over the years I have learned more about life and happiness and forgiveness and all these things... I was learning to become more content where I was and to love and respect who I was, then I was approved for the surgery, and I had it.. and people have been telling me how good I look, but its not that I have lost weight that they remark on the most, its that I am lit up... they tell me I light a room... that I just shine... and every time someone says something like that I remember that woman my mother told me about and I want to cry... I have become the strong peaceful content happy woman I had desired to become all those many years ago... I feel it, and I cherish it...

The surgery is not what has brought  me to this place, I know that. But getting the surgery is the culmination of all that has gone before. The fact that I was able to stick it out though all the obsticals and trials, that I did not give up and give in when it got tough as I always seemed to in the past... all the lessons I have learned through out the years about myself and about life... everything I have ever been through... all the heart aches and all the joy... all of it has come to this.. I am becoming the woman I desired to be... I love my life... its not perfect, I am not perfect...crap happens all the time, but I know where I came from, and I know through what I came... I know the hard and rocky journey it took to get here and I know that there is still more to travel.
I am just so very greatful...for both the path I have walked and the one I have yet to travel. I am making the best of today and looking forward to what tomorrow brings...I am so excited.

I went to my doctors office today and the receptionist nearly freaked out...I have lost about 70 pounds since I started this journey and she just made me feel so good... This is my reg doctor's receptionist and she has been so supportive and encouraging during this whole process... It just made me feel really good to see her reaction.
So many times so one may tell me how good I look now but you know its not real... they go over broad, call me skinny ( not likely since I am still over 300 pounds) tell me how i am wasting away...its just not real and you know it... then like a breath of fresh air someone gives you an honest reaction. i would rather have an honest negitive reaction then a fake positive one any day of the week....

There are pros and cons but I think even the cons are pros... such as...
i can eat what ever I want now...I am only 5 weeks out but have no trouble eating what ever I choose just not alot of it, so it is very important that i choose what is going to be best for me... it puts the resposibility on me. When I looked into getting wls and was checking out the different proceedures I was drawn to the sleeve for this very reason, for me... and I do preference this with "For Me" because we are all different and have different needs and wants... so For me, what I really wanted was to have a "normal" life when all was said and done... and that means not having food, and what i can and cannot eat not be at the center of my life all the time... it was reading so many blogs,hundreds (believe it or not)that convinced me that it was posssible...
I make more positive choices in my life concerning my food... since I can only have so much I make sure  get some kind of protien with every bite...
I find that I am craving stronger flavors... I want every bite to count.,..not just nutritionally but in flavor as well... because i eat so much less I am finding that I can afford to buy better cuts of meat, fresh fish/seafood,  fresh organic veggies and fruit... so that is a wonderful thing... though I notice that things are different when I go out to eat...
This morning my mother and I went out to breakfast at this new place she wanted to try.. I had 1 egg and 1 sausage link and ended up not eating all the sausage... what I really wanted was the spinach and cheddar omlet but I knew that I was never going to be able to eat even half of it...so I didn't order it...but it really sounded good and one day at home I will try to make my own version...
This is all about taking resposibility and making changes in my life... my sleeve makes it easier for me to do that...
I feel better,
I have more energy
My blood pressure is normal
My blood sugar is normal
My blood ox is getting close to normal.
I am stronger
I am happier
I am more content
I have hope
I am proud of what I have accomplished this year...

My whole life I have spent waiting to live... when grow up I will do... when My kids are grown I will... when I loose weight I will... always at some future date i will live my life.... no more... today i start living my life... this moment I start living my life... I will do all the things I want  to do, and stop waiting for some future moment that never really arrives

well I guess that's it for a while..
I really do love my sleeve and I am learning to love myself

It has been three weeks since my surgery... I could not be happier... this whole thing has been great from the beginning...I am down one size... and will weigh tomorrow... I only weigh once a week, because I have seen so many who live and die by the scale  and I just can not do that... I have more energy, more stamina, and its getting better every day.

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted anything and so much has happened in that time.
One... and this is a big one... I had my surgery on 10/11/10...
My youngest son was there with me, he even came up from out of town so he could drive me to the hospital. He has been so supportive and he is so happy I am doing this... a couple of years ago he was so worried about me that he cried... I can never forget what he said.. He told me that I am a wonderful woman who he admires so much and he sees that I am as good a grandmother as I was a mother and he wanted me to be around so his children could know how special I am...He was crying , of course I was crying...He is my baby... my fourth... all my kids are great and I am thankful to have wonderful relationships with all of them, but my youngest and I have always had a different kind of relationship. Anyway... He was so happy for me and it was great to have him there before then took me into surgery.

Three days after surgery I was already off all pain meds..I still have more then half a bottle left. The first week or so I would get tired easily and slept alot, but I expected that. The second week I started getting a little restless... wanting to '"do" something...
I am off my blood pressure meds and off the diabetic meds... Things are really going so good.... I can not wait to see what this year brings...
I have made plans to go on a cruise to the bahamas for my 50th birthday in March... that is 5 months away.. if I can loose at least 20 pounds a month between now and then I will have a great time...
Going on a cruise is one of those things I always wanted to do and never did... so now is the time...

I went to the doctor to day for my follow up after the surgery... Dr Shieh told me how really empressed he is with my progress and attitude... and he released me to go back to work on monday... I am so excited...

There has been more on emotional issues and suicide with those who have had bariatric surgery, and I could not be happier that this is at the forefront, but at the same time I want to say  duh!!! Is it really that surprising that people who are or have been obese could be depressed as well? Of course the rate of depression is going to be higher with the obese. And if we don't deal with the emotional issues as to why we have walked down this path then yes when we remove our coping mechanisms, shit is going to hit the fan so to speak... there are so many speaking out  on this and I am proud... this has been something that I have felt so strongly about from the beginning... I want to thank all those who are posting on this subject... I don't think that this can be reiterated enough...