dpflorida
Part of the journey
Jul 22, 2012
Yep, it is a revelation of the food/psyche relationship. When I was on the liquid/shake preop diet and even now 10 days post op, the mourning for the social aspects of eating,the pleasure of putting anything in my mouth, drinking with meals... even cooking my usual specialties, was / is an evolution and ongoing education. I am so much more attuned to my body, the metamorphasis of my flesh. When I lost 30 lbs preop, and realized my knees no longer hurt when I climb stairs, a warm fuzzy feeling came over me and I sensed the blossoming of hope that I had not experienced in a long time. When I experienced hunger preop, I let myself feel the discomfort and thought about the process, what I could do instead of eat. When I was stressed, I drank water and thought about my future as a normal weight person. I used food as a drug for soo long. But I paid dearly for that high....Diabetes(maybe not reversable in myncase),sleep apnea, high bp,lymphedema,depression, predjudice,social ostracism,inability to participate in activities that I wanted too....The physical,and emotional pain that I felt and currently feel is changing slowly. I made this decision to be a healthy person to the best of my ability. It is the hardest thing Imhave ever done. I may never totally acheive all my goals, but at least I have goals now. A year ago ,,I thought I was hopeless. I am hanging on to hope. I pray the serenity prayer a lot. I know I will stumble and fall, maybe even fail at times,,but I will endevour to be kind to myself, forgive myself and try again.I do believe that change is possible now. But it still will remain a daily battle of my choices. There are so many temptations and distractions to overcome. These forums help to keep a positive perspective. Knowing you are not alone in the journey helps tremendously. Others have gone on before me and reached their goals. I strive to continue to lesrn from others who are in the struggle with me. I will share my story very selectively,and that is still part of my healing. I still fear rejection or being hurt by others who would never undestand my choice to alter my body forever to gain control of my body to become the best person I can be. Both of my sisters are normal,weight, but they are very discplined with their eating and spend many hours a week working out. I needed this tool to get to a normal,weight and hopefully will learn to maintain once I reach goal. I had a revelation about head hunger.... it is for me the desire for a certain taste, texture,or ambient factor of food. It is the difference between eating for pleasure, or eating to survive. One day, maybe I will be satisfied that I am choosing to eat to stay alive as opposed to craving to satisfy a certain taste sensation. Not that there is anything inherently "wrong" with enjoying food. It is just for me, learning my limits, identifying triggers and learning new ways to deal with stress other than turning to food.Love and peace to all....
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About Me
FL
Location
29.4
BMI
Surgery
07/12/2012
Surgery Date
Feb 25, 2012
Member Since
