dscottfl

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WOW, this really needs to be updated! & months has flown by.  I have lost 35kg now and I am a size 10 -12 AUS and a 8-10 US.

Some days are still hard but all in all I am happy with my decision.

Well 3 months have passed fairly quickly.  I have had a pretty easy run compared to others and have a fairly tolerant tummy.  I can eat almost anything though still have the occassional upset where I need to be sick.  Its usually from eating too much.  I know when I have done it and it sets in very fast.  Once I have been sick I am fine again .... learning curve I guess.

I have lost alot of weight, 19kg to be exact and I could never have done this by myself I know that.  There are days where I wish I could go back and "be normal" and I think that this is only normal to think like that.  I wish I had the willpower to do this the conventional way also, but the fact is I didn't.  So I amble along.

This is a huge life change and I wasn't really that ready for it.  Now I am here though I am coping quite well and well, this just seems normal now.  Its hard to explain.  I suggest that anyone considering this trys everything possible beforehand and doesn't rush into the decision.  I didn't rush into it either but feel that perhaps I didn't try hard enough in some areas.

All in all I am happy with my weight loss and in the state of mind that I had I could never have lost this on my own.

Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!

Thats made all the difference this week.  I have been bike riding and walking and staying active.  Diving and boating.  It was what I needed to push the weight loss that little bit further.  Have a conference for work this week so am sitting still all day so I am making sure that when I get home I am taking the dog for a walk and moving.  After my first 1 hour bike ride I dropped 1kg overnight.  Coincidence? Don't think so, my body needed something different. 

Really noticed a difference in my clothes too, I am in between sizes now.  I started at an 18 and am now 14-16 which is a little hard as my 16 pants are too loose.  The eating is much better now as is the drinking.  I am finding it easier to drink water too and life feels much more normal.  I feel normal but thinner.

I THINK I AM IN A STALL?

I am eating fairly freely and drinking also but I think I have hit a stall.  I have lost 4 pnd this week / 1kg.  And to make matters worse I caught a cold! Ughhh Have to keep up the fluids.

I HAVE TURNED THE CORNER -Finally!

I am not sure what happened this week but something changed.  I can eat more freely and drink more freely also.  Its like a new lease on this thing!  I am starting to feel better about the op now because I feel much more normal and so does my tummy.  Previously I was feeling a bit alien like and that my tummy wasn't normal.

Others told me this would happen but I didn't know when.  Hopefully it just gets better from here.  Still get the occasional dizzyness and weak feeling but that is getting better by the day.  My Dr prescribed me nexium and that stuff is just great - no burping, gas, reflux or nausea.

 

 

Wow the weeks have flown by. Things are going better now although I find it hard to drink all the water. I have never been a water drinker so I guess its not unusual for me. Might have to try some lemon slices or something.

Food is getting better also but I still get an indigestion feeling if I eat too fast. Its hard to slow down and hard to retrain yourself. I am really happy with the weight loss but still have an open mind about whether this was the best way. I guess its hard to say that "I love my sleeve" when you have really bad nauseous days. I think you have to think long and hard about this surgery, its such a life change.

Social situations are hard and I encountered my first one on Saturday night. We went out for dinner for a friends birthday to a mexcian restaurant. I felt a bit anxious but decided to give it a go. I ordered a bowl of chilli, it was awful. I sat there picking at it like a bird and looking around thinking that I wished I could eat like everyone else. I got a bit panicy again but this passed slowly. I ended up eating hardly anything in the end and saying that the chilli was yukky (and it was).

I think I will leave it a while longer before I put myself in this situation again.

Week 3-4 was very rough and hard emotionally. I was VERY nauseaus and I felt like I wanted to vomit all the time. I had a really bad week and after having 2 great weeks this was a big shock to me. I had acidity that made me feel like my throat was constricted. I had waves of nausea that were so bad I started thinking "is this what its always going to be like?".

I was so hesitant to eat because of the nausea that I had a panic attack, my hands went clammy and I broke into a cold sweat and nearly passed out in front of 5 workmates because I thought I was going to be sick in front of them. (they did not know about the operation).

Every time I ate one morsel of food I wanted to throw it up and felt it sliding the whole way down.I have thought things like;

"what have I done to myself?"
"I have destroyed myself and can never change it back"
"I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life"
"I wish I could turn back time"
"Does eating ever get better or will I always feel like it is stuck in my throat"
"I wish I got the band instead (cos its reversable)"

All sorts of things. I have even made myself so sick thinking about all this stuff I have dry reached over it. I am not ashamed of any of this. Does this make me a mental case? No. Does it mean I did the wrong thing? No. Does this mean I should never have done this cos I wasn't ready? No. I was ready for the operation and the life change, I know that. Adjusting to it is a different thing.

It just means that I am human and everyone thinks and feels differently at different times through this process. Some people are better at this HUGE LIFE adjustment than others and some struggle a little bit. Do I love my sleeve? No, not yet and someday I hope I will. My good days are good days and hopefully one day they will outweigh the bad ones, each one is just a step at a time.

I am so glad the first week is over. The op wasn't really as bad as i thought. The pain is really not something to talk about, its more an uncomfortable feeling like indegestion in your sternum region. Do I feel like I am missing something? No. It just feels like I have had an operation and am on liquids for a while. My tummy doesn't feel weird or anything. I know that it is smaller because I get a full feeling quicker than normal, like my tummy has shrunk, that sort of feeling, nothing more. This is good because this is also how your head adjusts.

I did have a moment in the hospital where I thought wow, what have I done, I actually broke into a little sweat and got a bit panicy. This lasted all of about 30 secs and it was over. I just kept telling myself the doc shrank my tummy for me, nothing major.

I was in hospital 4 days. On pain meds for 2 days and then just liquid pain medication.

What has taken me back a little is how wiped out I feel. Its been 1 week today and I do not think I would like to go for a walk around the block yet. I am fine around the house but anything more just yet would be too much I feel - for me. Everyone is different. Although I did have a complication also. I had something called a plural effusion. Basically this is fluid around the lungs. 3 days after I got out of the hospital I started to feel short of breath ... a little scary for a moment or two because I was not sure what was going on. Nothing to worry about though because a few days later it was fine. It just sorted itself out.

Whats been great is how easy it is to drink and eat. I have been failry lucky I think. It was only the first two days that it was uncomfortable, not painful, just uncomfortable. I just focused on my liquids.

Oh my gosh, I feel a bit overwhelmed and to be honest, I think I am grieving for food a little - already!. Finding it very hard to stay on the liquid diet and my mind is telling me that I am never going to eat again so you need to eat everything NOW!

Doesn't help that my apetite has picked up since the no smoking thing as well. That is really giving me grief. If its not nailed down, I am eating it! Feel like a bit of a failure as I cannot even stay on the liquid diet!

Trying to stay busy for the next few days, that will help to settle me a little.

Nurse said that she would give me a sedative - YAY like the nurse!

I am really starting to get nervous now but I have already made huge changes to my life. I have given up smoking after 10 years. Wasn't an easy thing to do. I took the Zyban tablets and they have been fairly good.

I have also started drinking protein shakes and lots of water. Carrying a water bottle around with me to get me used to this. Little things.

I have made some really good friends on here and that has reallly helped.

As for the sister .............. I told her to get lost after xmas and I am totally ok with it. Funny thing was after I posted in Oct she started to put on some weight ... in a hurry too. Ahhh sweet justice.