New Relationship

Jan 07, 2012

I am nervous to post this.  The last time I posted something having to do with relationships, it was about having my first date post op, and frankly my first date in a Very long time, and I got stood up.

Here I am again - professing that I am yet again at the door of a new relationship.  I believe that I need to talk about me and not really tell you about my new man just yet.  We are so new, and I am scared.  I'm not panicy scared, I'm more resignedly scared.  Life feels like it has taught me through repetitive lessons that things will not work out for me - things will fizzle, things will fall through, will fall apart, unravel.... that he'll lose interest, he won't love me enough to actually want me... he won't show up... and he won't be there for me.

Enter Sean.  I am possibly, hopefully, now faced with having to relearn what I know about my life and love and men.  I am hopefully faced with learning how to trust again, learning how to accept that someone is in it as much or more than me, learning how to accept that someone can love me as much and in the way I hope they would.  I am at a place of learning that the other shoe does not necessarily drop and that someone good could love me enough to want to be all in - and actually be all in.  Sean and I aren't in love yet, but we see it coming and he's telling me he's not the guy who's going to cut and run.  He's telling me he's the guy that's going to stand next to me holding my hand as the future washes over us.  And, if that's true, I have to do the work on me that will allow me to be able to accept the love I so desperately want.  

UPDATE:  dating saga continues!!!
Well...  my wonderful, charming, loving, attentive new beau was a romantic finanacial scammer.  Yep, he asked for money.  Not once, not twice, but three times!!!  When it finally became clear he wasn't getting any from me, he suddenly had a business friend that needed to wire me money so that I could send it on to the Philippines!  That was my "you've got to be kidding me" moment.  That was the moment where all doubt fled and he was just who he was - a scammer.  

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