Ellenchanged

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Today is my 3rd. yr. anniversary of my surgery. Looking back, it has been a wonderful experience- this yr. has been full of acceptance & letting go. I had "craved" Plastic Surgery and had to hear the hard truth that my body CAN"T have it- my skin is too thin & I would probably not heal right. I so wanted to get all of the excess skin off, have gone thru times of hating my body, to finally saying "Ok Lord, I am made in your image, so I have to accept myself- flaws & all". Afterall, I was the one who gorged till my body streched beyond repair. I was the one who didn't care- at the time my obsession with food was manic!

Now, looking back & reflecting on the past yr. I see huge strides that I never thought I'd be able to do. I can walk for miles without getting exasted. I can work out in the gym and enjoy exercise- really enjoy it! I never would have tried in the past- but now, by the grace of God, I feel I can! I truly enjoy my time with my family & friends- those "little things" that use to annoy me don't matter anymore- being real with them does!

I am willing to go the extra mile for others & less focused on "me". The first yr. was all about "me"- now, I see that God has chosen me to recover & discover what I can do for others that are struggling with obesity, fear, & failure. There are no failures- only mistakes we make & need to learn from. I have made many- this is a daily learning process, & I am so grateful for my OH "family". They are there to encourage, support,& inspire me~ & kick my bottom when it needs it!!

 It has been a long 2 weeks of coming off the sugar/flour addictions and feeling sick- to feeling so much better. It is amazing how those chemicals can screw up your thinking and feelings. I found that rollercoaster of ups & downs I have felt lately are getting more level- i still have them, but not so violent as before! I talked to my councilor, and found that I was getting full of envy and anger,so I sabotoge myslef !!!! That ugly lying in my head that I don't deserve to succeed, that I am never going to be---- you name it- good enough, thin enough, smart enough, on & on. I am now saying goodbye to those negative, stinking thinking thoughts- and hello to joy! When I fill up my mind with positive, joyful thoughts there isn't room for all that junk, too! When I listen to positive music, speak positively, and keep a smile on my face, it can't help but bless me, & hopefully others. I will always have bad days, but they don't have to be reasons/excuses to sink into old patterns/ behaviors.Today is a new day, and I feel blessed - as I hope to bless others.

June 8,2008
It has been awhile since I have blogged on here. I have been thru alot- family issues,surgery to remove stitches,illness, and more, yet my friends here on OH are so great to me. I love the support we give/get from each other. 
I have gained 20# this past 8 months- why?? Well, I let go of so many of the tools that work- drinking while eating, measuring my foods, avoiding high carb.//binge foods,exercise. I used my illness/ anger at not being able to have plastics,  as an excuse to feel sorry for myslef & eat!  I am coming out a huge tunnel of anger & depression- and seeing the results of my  choises. 

No more- I have started anew- journaling, getting/eating the right things, timing myslef, letting go of my anger( at  myslef~my body~at the fact my skin is too thin to allow me to have the surgery I want ;I have no Ins. to cover it; I backslid;I am not perfect; I let others down; I judge myslef harshly & think others should,too!;negative self image'thinking) & more. Well, today is a new day.I choose to be healthy-  I have rid the cupboards of all the junk foods, weighed & measured my foods, only ate what I am suppose to,timing my drinking., & going walking. 
I can always choose my path of recovery & today- i choose to use the tools this program offers to make me successful in my journey to wellness!

My weight has been the same since I reached goal! It is so amazing how this surgery has changed my life. I am now learning to deal with "head hunger" those times when others are eating and I don't. Learning to redirect myself with other things- music, exercise, drinking more water, taking a walk, crafts, playing with the grandkids, and so much more. My relationships with my family and friends have changed so much- and I am sooo grateful!!!! I still have times when "head hunger" overtakes me, but I have learned to forgive myself and get right back on track.
I feel that my friends on OH are "family" to me- I can say anything and get feedback to help me grow,change, and receive unconditional love. I am so grateful for the "family" I have now.

Gosh, it has been a long time since I've been on here. So much has changed. I reached my goal of 155# in Dec. of 2006, and have maintained it since then. I can wear a 14, and it not be stretch!! I feel amazing- life is so much more than food. My life has changed so much- I have let go of my old food "favorites"- of course there has been a few "bumps" along the way- like "oh, I think I'll try it, then sick for days! I am learning it just isn't worth it!

I went to the Drs. yesturday for my (almost) 4 months check up. I am down 72# ~~~and UNDER 200!!!!!! I also have lost 15 3/4 "inches from my breast, hips & waist. I have lost 6 sizes & can now wear a 18 without stretch material!!!! Down from a 24-26-28's(depending on the material) to 16-18 in 4 months. My life is taking amazing turns. I am no longer food focused. I feel energetic, am taking more time for myself. I actually feel pretty and enjoy dressing up. I use to hate to go out , & wore black thinking I was disguising my fat. Now I am enjoying experimenting with colors. I am able to go out with my hubby & share a meal, instead of eat it all, & part of his!!! Each day I am so grateful God brought Dr. Inman & her staff into my life. I am so grateful for the loving support I get from the Dietician & Bariatric Center, as well. I haven't had constant pain in ym back, & am even able to get down & play witth my grandchildren now. Something I haven't been able to do in years!

I went to the clothing exchange put on by the folks from the Indy OH group & it was awesome!! I got to meet new friends, have a great meal & SHOP without spending any $$!!!! Wow- I can wear a 18 now, without any stretch in it!I got some things to take on our vacation to SC.(Some were 14-16!!) I have lost 65# in 12 weeks.

It is so amazing to me how this surgery has changed my life. I love to be with others, have a good time,without having to "graze" my way thru the day. I have more energy ,feel 100% better, & am enjoying "life".

To date I have lost a total of 58# & am down 3 sizes! Wow, I am amazed at how my body is changing, as well as my emotions. I am happier, calmer, & less stressed than I have been in years! It is so wonderful not to have to stress over every bite I take! The weather has kept me fromn walking outside, but I am finding alternatives- Gazelle;malls/stores; etc. If only there was a Y or a gym with a pool nearby. I'd work on water aerobics.
Tonight (28th) I went to a Tea & Tub party & had a ball! It was the first time I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed about how I looked. I was so glad to get to know the people who post on here.It was so much fun!

I was denied surgery in 2002, due to my Insurance stating I had'nt been on a "Drs. supervised weight loss program." My Surgeon required I attend 10 meetings for Bariatric Support, which I did do,.I did get my Psych. eval. elsewere than St. V's Bariatric Center, due to a personal matter. I did follow thru & had over 14 months of taking 3 differant meds. only lost 15#.At this time I had 6 injections into my badk, had 6 weeks of therepy, & was miserable. My back was in constant pain, & my surgeon stated"get the weight off, or you will be in a wheelchair. Your back can't support your weight." This is when I persued the surgery again.
I went to another orrintation with Dr.Inman after 14 mo. had past & started the process all over again.

My Ins. appointed a Specialist to oversee my surgery, & she called after 1 week of surgery to see how I was. I was surprised at the attention &understanding I recieved from my Ins.

I had a Laproscopic RNY on Oct. 25th, 2005. I did very well, & she removed alot of scar tissue from my Gallbladder surgery. My stomach hemmoraged from Lovenox shot right before I went home. I was given something to help, & stayed in the Hospital an extra day. Since my surgery, I have had 8 steroid shots in the incision area due to severe pain. Other than not being able tolerate the "shakes",I am doing well. I've lost 43# in 5 weeks.

My family has been so supportive of me. I came home to my daughters having a "Birthday Party" for me, with a candle in my 1 oz. of mash potatoes, & singing to me. They even took a walk with me, & have been wonderful~!

I am now 6 weeks out of surgery & feeling better every day. So far I have lost 51#~!!!! WOW, I can hardly believe it. I hope to get into some of the clothes I purchased when I worked at a clothing store 2 1/2 hrs. ago.I keep trying on things, & am amazed at how quickly my sizes are changing.

I have an awesome Dr. Without her & her staff, I would have never had this surgery. She is very supportave of me, & encouraging. I know she is a serious Dr. & wants the best for me. I apperciate it that she listens,& answers any questions I may have. Also, the Bari Dieticians at St. V's have been so helpful with my protien difficulties. I apperciate the time & care they give.