Erica A.
First let me start by saying I had been small/thin for my whole life. You know one of those kids that you look at and say, “If a good wind comes along she’s going to blow away.” I was always very active. I was the country girl that wanted to be outside riding horses, shooting guns, riding bicycles and just playing with the critters. That all changed my senior year of high school in 1993, I became pregnant with my son. I was so excited about the concept of becoming a mother, but knew things were fixing to change for me.
I had a fairly good pregnancy. Not anything to crazy for being a pregnant teen who had never experienced anything this big in my whole life! So aside from the daily trips to the ER for the whole “oh no I’m in labor but not really” it was pretty normal. I ended up having a cesarean with him and so loved the feeling of being a mom. This had been a crazy year for me: I had learned I was pregnant, became engaged, got married, broke my parents heart, moved away from home, had my own household to take care of, and did I mention my moving away from home consisted of me being about 2 hours from my daddy and that I had never been away from him for more than a week or so? So I had lots of life changes really fast and was scared out of my mind!
It was just after my son was born that my husband and I decided we needed some form of birth control. We chose the Depo Provera injections after doing our research of what was available to choose from at the time. So I went down to the clinic and received my first injection. All seemed to be ok at first, but within three months I had gained almost 100 pounds!! I just wanted to eat and eat everything that was within arm’s reach. Heck if the house would have been painted brown I would of probably ate it too thinking it was a piece of cake! So that is when we decided that I would not get another shot and opted for the standard pill pack hoping that this change might help the weight come off but nope it just wasn’t happening. I became so depressed.
Soon enough it was two years later and I am at about 230 pounds at this point. My son is becoming more and more independent and not needing me for everything so still suffering from depression because of the weight gain I began to develop Empty Arm Syndrome. For those that don’t know what that is it is when your youngest child gets about 2 or 3 and you want that feeling of something to cuddle and to hold. I talked to my husband and we decided that maybe it was time for a new addition. So I went off my pills and soon enough I was pregnant with our second child. She was born that December and was a pretty sick little girl. At delivery I was at 260 pounds and with my newborn being so ill, she had pneumonia and jaundice requiring her to be admitted to a childrens hospital, I developed Post Partum Depression. I again just felt like I had no control of my life. Food had became my best friend.
Realizing that I need to try and get my weight under control I began to go through the whole yo-yo dieting saga. I would try whatever the current fad diet was, but to no avail the weight just wasn’t going anywhere. My family could see I was getting bigger and bigger, but never really said too much about it. We had had so many people in our family who were overweight that it was what just seemed normal.
My marriage became pretty rough and I was soon going through a divorce and living with family. My poor family tried to be so supportive but I just never could really pull myself out of the funky place I had been in for so long. I began to go out every night once my kids would go to bed and stay out drinking till the wee hours of the morning. I rarely ate, worked all day, be with the kids after work, put them to bed doze off for a few hours and then go out again. This was my cycle for several months but I lost down to about 215 pounds. I soon felt better about myself and moved the kids and I into our new apartment. We loved having our own little place. We didn’t have much because when I left my marriage I took only what we could fit in our little Geo Storm, but thanks again to family for some things what we had was ours and we were proud.
That winter we moved from our apartment and in with husband #2. Things went okay at first but soon enough depression begin to take hold and I started the whole gotta lose weight again. I tried meridian, xenical, and countless OTC diet pills. When my kids were about 10 and 12 I decided I wanted to get on phentermine. I went to the doctor and he absolutely refused to give them to me with all of the problems and risks that they caused so I, being pig headed and stubborn, resorted to the internet. About a week later they came in the mail! The process to getting them offline was way too easy that it was almost scary. I hid the fact I was on them for about two months from friends and family not really sure why but I did. Honestly I loved the way phens made me feel and the weight was just falling off. After about 6 months I had lost 80 pounds and was finally feeling better about myself. I was actually running about 2 miles a day and could keep up with the Tae bo video workouts, but of course as luck would have it I broke my foot. So this meant I had to go to the doctor and not wanting him to know I had been on the diet pills I took myself off of them. I had to take pain pills for several weeks as well as became pretty sedentary while my foot healed well the weight quickly found its way back. Then came winter and I began passing out for unknown reasons. After a battery of tests and scans I got a call from my doctor on CHRISTMAS EVE!! Now you know if your doctor is calling on CHRISTMAS EVE and wants you to come in right away that this is not going to be good. So I gather my nerves and drive down. He proceeded to inform me that I had a golfball size cyst on my brain as well as some strange lesions and that it appeared that I had MS. I flipped out! All that went through my head was how am I going to be there for my children from a wheel chair! The doctor told me I needed to go see a nuerologist as soon as I could get an appointment. IT TOOK TWO WEEKS TO GET IN!! So for two weeks I felt alone. I did not want to tell my family something serious was wrong and worry them until I had a definite diagnosis. Remember this was the holiday time and thought why should they be miserable when I was for all of us.
My appointment came and to my relief it wasn’t MS. I was diagnosed with White Matter Brain Disease. This is basically creating little degenerative lesions on my brain and will eventually cause dementia if I could not keep my headaches under control and learn to lower my risk factors for a stroke. Its serious but again out of my hands and something I have learned to live with. I don’t dwell upon it and most people do not even know I have it unless I have told them.
My marriage eventually had began to become pretty rough and I was terribly unhappy. There was lots of mental abuse and he didn’t treat my daughter well at all. At this point I was about 360 pounds and MISERABLE! I was in so much pain and couldn’t sleep. My health was slowly going downhill to the graveyard. I again divorced and this divorce was vicious! I had nightmares and jumped everytime someone touched me for months.
My kids and I moved to Texas to be closer to family and friends. We got an apartment with my boyfriend and I seemed to finally be feeling some emotional support. My boyfriend was someone I had dated in high school and reconnected with through Face book. Although our new start was rough we were doing pretty well. I felt more confident and stronger than I had ever felt. I knew deep down it was time for me to be me.
I had to do a lot of reflecting on myself. I came to the realization that if I didn’t do something I was going to die. I was on eight different medications. I was taking antidepressants, sleeping meds, meds to wake me up from the sleeping meds, anti-inflammatories, hormones, pain meds, etc. After talking with my now husband and kids I began my journey to have weight loss surgery.
I wasn’t real sure yet what I wanted to do, but began to investigate what was available and the risks involved. I researched hospitals and doctors for months. Who was the best, what were the results, long term could I keep the weight off and developing enough courage to finally talk to my doctor about it. My doctor was so super supportive which really came as a shock to me. His office staff was amazing as well. They helped me get all my ducks in a row for preparations of what insurance would require.
I met all the prereqs and co morbidities and now was able to go forward to the psych evaluation. Holy CRAP could it be possible? Could I make it to the surgery table?? This was just so unreal to me.
Then came the search for someone to do the evaluation. I literally called every psychiatrist in my county that was listed in the phone book and every one of them told me that they would only see me if I actually had a problem and would not do the evaluation just for surgery. I was devastated. I called for an appointment with my primary.
At the appointment I broke down. My heart was in a million pieces and I just felt so defeated. He told me not to give up just yet that there may just be one more trick up his sleeve. He sent me out to see his secretary and sure enough she found someone local to do my eval for me!! I was so excited I think I might have floated into the psychiatrist office. I passed the eval with flying colors and soon my paperwork was submitted to my bariatric surgeon’s office for the nurse to review. Then the call came! I had an appointment to come in for an informational seminar and to meet with the surgeon to discuss my choices!
I had been really leaning toward the sleeve at this point and had done tons of research thinking this is going to be the best choice. Then my bubble was busted. The doctor informed me that my insurance would not cover the sleeve and I would need to have the bypass (RNY). Ugh but okay… So now came the nutritional classes my insurance required. One a month for six months and I could not miss one or I would have to start all over! Whew this was most definitely going to be a commitment. The classes were going along just fine and then I go in for my fifth class. The nurse proceeds to inform me that my doctor no longer would do the bypass on patients over 50 BMI! I was at 64 BMI (I weighed 389 pounds)! My heart sank. I asked her well what am I going to do I have come this far and don’t want to go backwards. That is when she informed me of what was to be another float on cloud moment! The doctor was only doing the sleeve on patients over 50 BMI and that my insurance was now PAYING FOR IT!! HOLY CRAP!! I was stoked to say the very least!
My sixth class came and went. My paperwork was submitted to the insurance for approval and about a week later I got the call from the nurse scheduling my appointment for surgery!! December 16th would be the day! The day my new life would begin was now only about 6 weeks away! This was a pretty calm period for me. I didn’t really rush around to do a million things and worry about six hundred other until about two weeks from surgery. That is when panic mode set in and my emotions went bonkers. THIS WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!! I didn’t really share my fears with my family although I think they could tell I was worried about the surgery. So many thoughts went through my head like what if I don’t make it? Well if I don’t do this I certainly won’t make it. What if they remove the wrong organ? Am I actually going to be successful in doing this? I had seen so many people I knew have different WLS’s and they would gain the weight back or something would go terribly wrong. Had I lost my marbles to be willing to do this by choice? Then it hit me I had a choice and it was to do whatever was necessary to be here for my husband, my kids, my family, and most importantly me. I made peace with the fact that if I died on the table then it was Gods will to take me or at least I thought I made peace with that thought…
The morning of surgery came and I was a bundle of nerves and was keeping pretty quiet. We arrived at the hospital admission and we sat down to wait for them to come take me down to the surgery waiting area. I was sitting there with my husband and trying not to show any emotion when this lady come up to me, handed me these index cards with scripture written on them, and then proceeded to say, “Hon you don’t know me but God told me you were going to be ok in whatever it is you are fixing to go through today. He said that your life is going to be saved and all your fears are for not. You are going to make it!” Holy buckets how in the world did this lady know what I was feeling and what I needed at that precise moment. I could no longer hold my emotions inside and began to cry. I think my husband thought I finally turned that corner to coo coo land. I felt this sense of relief and peace with her words and just knew god was with me and was going to keep me safe. Now I’m not a real religious person but I know there is a god and he is always there. That morning he proved me right because he was there for me in a way I could have never imagined.
I went down to surgery in a more peaceful place than I think I had ever been. Had my Ivs (yes that is plural because I blew out 2 before I even went to surgery)and surgery went along without a hitch and I awoke in recovery. While in recovery going in and out of lala land and vomiting (I always get nauseated after surgery no matter how hard they try to help me not to be) I became aware of the nurses fussing about over one of the machines. It seemed that they were pushing buttons every few seconds and then I was being squished by the cuff around my arm. Me being the lovely sweet person I am under the influence of anesthesia politely asked why in the world are they being so noisy and why in Hades is my arm being squeezed plum off? They told me that my blood pressure was extremely dangerously high and they could not get it down. They had tried several medications and it wasn’t dropping at all! That is when I noticed the clock…It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon! My surgery was at 9 and only took about thirty minutes. Recovery was only supposed to be an hour and then I would be in my room with my husband. I asked why I wasn’t in my room and she said until my BP was down to a safer area they could not move me anywhere! I became so scared and wanted my husband but they wouldn’t let him back because of privacy issues for other patients which were understandable I suppose. By about 5 that afternoon my pressure had dropped a little and they moved me to my room. This is when I found out that my husband had no idea what was going on with me. The staff had been so concerned with making sure I was ok no one thought to even let him know what was going on. But ya know I think I would of much had them fussing with me and helping me then chasing down family and worrying them.
Now that I was in my room I was still throwing up. The blood looked scarey but I knew it was because I had just had a lot done internally and this was normal. So I tried getting as comfortable as I could and sleep. I was doing good and was just wanting something to wet my mouth I was so thirsty. The nurse (who rocked by the way) told me that once I had my leak tests done she would make sure I got something right away.
About 9 they come to get me for one of the worst tasting tests ever! I had to stand up in front of this machine and drink this horrible blue stuff. Now mind you I had been so craving something to drink you would of thought this was a welcome treat WRONG! It was like drinking bathroom cleaner. TERRIBLE stuff. I took a few sips and did the test. Sat back down in my wheel chair and was then told oh yeah you got to drink this stuff too for the other test! Ugh don’t they know we just had surgery and this stuff is terrible. I knew what barium smoothies tasted like and was so dreading this next test. I took a sip of the “smoothie” and to my surprise found it to be delicious. Don’t get to excited it was only because of the battery acid drink from the first test that this was delicious. I think crap out of the litter box would have been a welcome treat after that first stuff. J Now all I had to do was wait.
After about an hour of being back in my room tests came back great and I could now have my long awaited tray of yumminess. Oh although it was fluids it looked so welcoming but after 2 sips of the best unsweet tea in the land I was FULL! What full off of 2 sips? Yippee!! I was in very little pain and the next day they even took my pain pump away because I wasn’t really even using it. I had only pushed my button 18 times in 24 hours. I was allowed a push every ten minutes. The doctor had came in around noon and asked me if I even wanted to go home because I was doing so well. I chose to stay at least one more day just to be on safe side since I live thirty minutes from the nearest ER. At lunch the diet lady brings me my tray and it had a cup of what I thought was ice water on it but nope after a large gulp and swallow it hit me it was SPRITE! Oh the agony. I had to be given some Mylanta to try and sooth it but basically was a waiting game. I quickly sent my friend a text to warn her. She had same surgery I did just about 2 hours before me. They gave her sprite too! Now we knew to check our drinks before we just sucked them down. This was the only problem there was with my entire hospital stay. Other than that the staff was amazing! On day 2 after surgery I went home.
Everything has gone pretty good since I have been home and I am down 171 pounds since December. I did however develop an intolerance to ALL yes ALL protein shakes and am now lactose intolerant. I am not on ANY meds other than vitamins. For the first time in my life is my blood work all coming back normal and am proud to say am now eligible to be a blood donor! I feel better now than I have in a long long time and although I still have a ways to go yet finally feel in control of my life again.
