GailinRI

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Okay... went to see a different Dr.  Dr. Roye... he had a small group meeting and I was so impressed with him.  I then got an appointment to see him the following week and I really think that if I have the surgery I am 100% sure i want him doing it.  I've decided to check into having the sleeve rather then the band for many reasons so I now have to wait to see if Blue Cross will cover it.

I've also started with a therapist who I believe specializes with weight issues.. so now my queston is:  do I try to do it with therapy first or have the surgery and therapy... My idea for the therapy is that I can always loose weight but can never keep it off... so if the operations are just tools (which we all know)  will the therapy alone help?

Just more for me to ponder.......

Okay - it's been a LOUSY week -  at work no quickbooks for 3 days and was a disaster trying to get it fixed...... then I was notified that my mother's cancer has come back - angi sarcoma from radiation from breast cancer.....::::sigh::::: and I was suppose to leave for vacation next week which I certainly won't be doing now!


Had my Dr. Appt today and was shocked only about ONE thing.... I thought not eating and drinking at the same time would be for like a year - NOT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE..... OMG.... I can't imagine going to a rest. and not drinking my water or ice tea while waiting for food..... this is CERTAINLY going to be one of the hardest parts for me.


I also came to the realization that I know what my problem is........Control issues....... now how do I find a good therapist to help me????

It's coming and I'm so scared.... Thursday I meet with the Dr. for the first time.... I'm so afraid - what if I FAIL again - like I have so many times before....  I have so much going on right now with personal and business problems and I'm "loosing it" and wonder HOW even with the band will I be able to pass the snowballs and ice cream and NOT buy them.... What is going to stop me???

What if I can't do this..... what if I'm not strong enough or at this point even care enough????? I'm so scared... I just want to run I'm so sick of crying and feeling bad about myself and just with it would all end..... What if I'm hopeless and unable to do this?

I'd like to be able to say to myself - Gail this is just how you feel today - but I don't know... I feel like my world is coming to an end and feel so closed in.... What if I can't stop eating or if I start okay like every other time and then FAIL AGAIN........

Well - this is my first time EVER doing a blog..... and I don't know if others read them or not... but I guess I'm really doing this for myself so I can talk openly somewhere...

I hate myself - I hate my life and can't stop crying.  I have done every diet possible from diet pills to shot of the urine of pregnant woman, OA, diet center, WW, nutri system...optifast...... etc. etc... I ALWAYS gain it back and more.
I am unable to have the by-pass surgery due to pancreatic cancer in my family so I am now looking into the lap band.  I don't think I can keep doing this..I HATE getting dressed and I Try not to go aywhere but work and home.

in May of 07 I had a panniculectomy where they took 25lbs of hanging fat.  I thought that would be my incentive... but of course not - gained the 25 lbs back AND it looks worse then ever because not the 25 lbs are in my stomach in one place not hanging anymore.  I hate my body even more now (which I didnt' think was possible)

Well for chanukkah my kids got me a Wii FIT and I went on it today... and - READY?  I'm 56 years old and due to my age/wt/bmi (which is 50)  my REAL AGE is 75!!!!!!!

  I hope that opens my eyes... but I gotta tell you.... doesn't help the tears...

:::::sigh::::