gretainthesouth

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Dec 17th, 2008
Was on a modified Atkins diet for 2 weeks. lost about 14 lbs. Surgery is at 5:30 am.  Husband took me in, I decided not to tell anyone. Figured I didn't want to trade one freak (fat) in for another freak (after all I'm actually having my stomach cut out of me  - not that's not normal!)  I had never had surgery before, I prayed a lot about it and it seemed like it was going to happen. I was crying when they took me in --- just scared I might be making an irreversable mistake of my like.  The drugs were good, but I woke up in so much pain I was sure I was having a heart attack. I was stuck for 5.5 hours in the recovery room waiting to be taken to my room. My husband couldn't join me there. It was the most pain I had ever been in in my life. I've written up the experience to the hospital.  By the time they took me to the room and gave me my morphine drip, the nurses there were wonderful - and I saw a friendly face - my husband!   He slept in my room that night. I had so many tubes coming out of me - I thought wow - this really was serious.  Ice chips never tasted so good. 

Day 2
Feeling better - and get these tubes out of me! All were removed, doc came up and said everything went well.  AND I tried to walk a little bit.

Day  3
I'm waiting for husband to pick me up. Can walk about 10 minutes but that's it. eating very little and drinking very little. But ready to go home. The nurses were great - cannot complain about the care at all.

After 17 years of marriage I have gained about 150 lbs. My all time high now is 296. And I'm just miserable. I cannot beleive how this weight has impacted my quality of life. I've been blessed to be healthy - just started taking blood pressure pills 3 months ago. But aside from that the embarrassement and shame that goes along with my weight is horrible. Here are some of the things. While my husband never says an unkind word - I'm sure his friends comment to him or behind his back about the way I look - so I've completely hid from any of our friends we had during my thin days. When they come to visit - I literally will run out in a storm and drive my car to my office so he can tell them I'm working. I've avoided meeting his family all of these years. I don't go home for reunions or family get togethers because I cannot take the cruel comments from my brothers and family members - or the whispers in the back ground. I dress in what will fit me - not what I like. I hesitate to get into peoples sports cars because I'm not sure I'll fit. I'll call ahead to resturants to see if there chairs have arms on them or not. I get fearful when going in that someone will want to sit on the patio and they all have those $5.00 resin chairs and the arms just cut into my legs. I'm embarrased when my husband and I sit in a booth and we are so crammed in we both look out of place. When my husband takes my jeans out of the dryer and folds them up I want to die when I see how wide the pants are. My bible study leader told me not to sit in one of her patio chairs because they only hold up to 250 lbs. (I quit going to bible study I was so embarrased). When we fly I sit next to the window to try and hide myself. Last time an insensitive flight attendant stood in the aisle and said " is your seat belt locked (of course it wasn't because it can't fit) and I said yes it is.....she said I need to see it....I said what - I knew the trick and showed her the belt - not the buckle - and she demanded to see the buckle - I thought I was going to die - the guy on the aisle kepts looking ahead, my husband - unbenownst to him that I couldn't buckle it - said to her ' why would she lie? honey just show her so we can get rid of her - I managed to clink the buckles together enough while not showing her - that she gave up and walked away - I could have just died....... I'm scared to death of the surgery. We don't have the money and insurance won't cover it. But when I mentioned it to my husband and we went to the seminar - he said I love you and I want  you happy again. We'll find a way if I have to rob a bank, if you think this is right - we're doing it.  Dec. 17, 2008, surgery date set.