Hvhmom

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Today, I am 3 days into month 6 post op and things have slowed down a bit but still going well.   I am now wearing a 7/8 - 9/10 dress....178 pounds ...NEARLY 100 POUNDS IN 6 MONTHS.  My weight appears to be pretty high for my dress size but that's what the tags say (from multiple designers). 
June -July was simply AWFUL.  In June I had an 8 pound loss in one week then not a pound lost for nearly 7 WEEKS.  It was soo crushing and cruel.  I still ONLY eat protein with an occasional green apple. The weight loss has resumed but it is considerably slower than before the crash.
My period has changed completely and I am unsure if I will reach my goal.   135 is the number that I want to see on the scale.  43 pounds to go.  What size will I be at that point? 2-4?  I don't want to revise my goal because that "number" has kept me focused and far away from even a cheating thought.
Zumba and walking is my exercises of choice NOW.  I must admit, I was not really working out before last month but I was staying busy and making a real effort to move move move walk walk walk.    Overall, I look great and can fit into many of my clothes circa marriage and baby.  I look glamorous in my Mercedes again and am thinking of trading it in for a convertable.  I say this because I actually stopped driving my car at my heaviest weight and would only drive my husband's conservative vehicle.  I just felt akward and ridiculous driving a luxury sports car and was embarassed every time I stepped out.  Shallow..... I know but it's "my" true sentiment.
For the first time in several years I can honestly say that i'm happy, healthier, grateful, and very hopeful of my ever changing and evolving life.

LOVE

Today is my 3 month surgiversary and things are going well praise GOD.  I am eating well.....protein protein protein.   I have no desire to eat the types of things that contributed to my weight  gain. 
The last three months has been a rollercoaster in terms of the "numbers".  Today, I weigh 210.  Down from 269.  I suppose this is good progress.  I was hoping for more......don't know if that's realistic.   I'm wearing a size 14 down from a 22 WIDE.  I've set a pretty low goal for my weight 135, so I still feel as though I have a VERY long way to go.   It's a daunting task but i'm just going to do my part to a T and trust in the process.  I'm determined to reach my goal weight because living in the body that i've lived in for the past 5 years has been hell.  I NEVER want to be overweight again!  
Overall, progress has been great.  I look %100 better and am getting those ooh and aah stares that I got nearly every day of my life prior to putting on the weight.
I love to shop but as it is, I have several dresses that I bought early out that I can't fit and never will (size 16's & 18's).   I will resume shopping when I get to about 180 pounds. 
This post sounds a wee bit shallow but so much of myself and image has been caught up in this enormous number for the past 5 years and I want to see the woman that I was prior to the excess weight soo badly.  I will.  This i'm positive of.

I am two days shy of my 4 week surgiversary and I feel great!!!   In the first week I could not imagine that I would be so upbeat about my decision to go through with surgery.
 My personal chef and trainer starts 8 AM sharp and i'm nervous, excited, scared, ready, reluctant......... a ball of nerves.   I hope that this working relationship works out.  I'm down 24 pounds but feel it should be more....hence the the trainer/chef. 
I am OVER the protein shakes and mushy foods.  My diet has mainly been avacodos, seafood, fage, eggs, and various beans.   At this time, I refuse to choke down any sort of protein drink with the exception of Crystal light "hunger satisfy" with a tad bit of Nectar "fuzzy navel".   Plenty of high protein low or no carb great tasting food to go around.
My birthday is about a month away and I can't stay away from the shops hunting for the perfect frock.    Shopping was an activity that I used to love and get paid to do.   After I got married, I no longer got paid to shop (real housewife).  When I began to gain weight I ceased to shop for myself.   Much to my hubby's chagrin and delight,  I intend to indulge once again!

Ok, so I bit the bullet Feb. 22nd and went with the RNY.    Would have loved to have the DS but several factors kept working against that.  I'm doing well..... so far.  No aches, pains, I have been able to tolerate EVERYTHING.  I've even dined out TWICE in less than 2 weeks post -op  (Cheesecake factory & P.F changs).   I just had soup at both.  I'm 18 pounds down in 12 days.  Not bad. 
Mom who had her RNY 5 years ago has been helping out.   She and I are like twins in many ways.   She has done GREAt so far.  She went from 290 to 140 and has only gained 5 pounds.  I've been watching what she eats (everything I loved pre-surgery),  small portions.  No deprivation.
We'll see.   I'm sure that i'll do well with this surgery. 

So 12 hours from now i'm scheduled to have the RNY.  I am sooo undecided even at this 11th hour.  I REALLY want the DS!!!!  BUT can you believe that my 3 yr old has told me to go for the rny TWICE.  I flipped a coin......it ruled in the rny favor.   My mind KNOWS that the DS is the far better option but with the ins. unwilling to pay for my too lightweight for DS wish what can I do?  Self pay...YES....BUT what about complications and ins. denying payment.   I like being able to live comfortably financially and while I am willing to risk $38K, i'm not willing to risk double, triple, or more than that.   I feel awful at this moment but I just want my life back at this moment.  Since gaining this weight, my life feels like it's been on hold.   If I push back surgery till the end of the year, i'll be waiting and stressing till the day that I go under the knife.   On the other hand, I feel like I short changed myself by getting the RNY.  Deep in  my heart I know that I will do well with the RNY which brings me to believe that I will do STELLAR with the DS.   Bottom line, I have never been soo uncomfortable in my entire life.  Not even at 9 months pregnant.   

Was denied for the DS nearly 2 weeks ago.  Approved for the RNY a day later.  My husband said "please don't settle babe, go for what your heart desires".    He is willing to pay out of pocket BUT i'm concerned that if I self pay, BCBS may not pay for any complications that MAY arise from the surgery.  $38K could easily shoot to 100k if that's true.  *SIGH*
I'm soo close weight wise (33 pounds) from that magical BMI of 50.  At this point, i'm not sure what I will do.  I'm sooo TIRED of this weight and the pounds just keep pilling up week after week.  I'm up 11 pounds just in the past 6 weeks.
DH is pleading with me to just wait a couple of months and see what happens.  My mother (had RNY 5 yrs ago) says take the RNY and run with it.  She's done great with her tool by the way.   Ohh the AGONY!!!!  I want to feel better NOW but I just can't come to terms with the RNY now.
I meet with my doctor in the morning and I will voice my fears and concerns.   Perhaps i'll leave his office with my mind made up.

Last week Friday MORNING I received a call from Dr. Sudan office letting me know that they've received the psych eval and the next step would be to schedule a surgery date.   I was told that his assistant would call me with "THE DATE".  It's now Monday night and I am still waiting on that call.  I'm anxious, impatient, and have many things & persons to schedule around this event.  My spouse will be in Japan during Feb. and I was told surgery would be around the middle of Feb.   I need to fly my mother in from another country, delay setting up house in another state AND I need to continue to PRAY PRAY PRAY that my insurance will approve this surgery with my BMI.  I DO NOT want an RNY which i;m sure BCBS will cover in a heartbeat.   Will I have to be self pay????  I hope not.  The suspense is KILLING me....lol.

So last week Monday I had my psych eval, met with the nutritionist, met with Dr. Sudan, and had my bloodwork done.  Friday of that same week, I had a sleep study done.    Today, I got a call from the doc office.  My lab work looks great with the exception of  D diff.  Sleep apnea NOT found.  Yeah GREAT!  BUT I still must wait for Dr. Sudan to receive my psych eval????  Why at more than a week out do they still NOT have it?  WHEN they finally receive it,  I must then continue to sweat it out HOPING & PRAYING that my ins. BCBSNC will approve the DS with my BMI..... *sigh*.