My First Movie Without Popcorn!

Mar 25, 2011

I was dreading going to the movies and not being able to eat popcorn. In fact, I wondered if it could actually be done.  Or, at least, would it be WORTH doing?

It's funny, here I am at 10 days post-op and for whatever reasons I've been avoiding reading the forum posts,  even or especially those posts where people took the time to help me and post back, dealing directly and compassionately with my issues!  (Another devious route of self-destruction?!?    I'm gonna have to be on guard for these!  NOTE TO SELF:  Remember what Dr. V said, "what will you do when you have it all?"  And, I couldn't answer the question!



Finally, I went online to take a look, I really need some help and support and feel lost and confused about what I can/can't do now with the most basic thing in my life:  food/water intake.
 
Anyway, out of all the thousands, maybe millions of posts on OH the ONE I pulled up was regarding my most burning "Can I ever eat popcorn again?"  OH member "Happy Healing" posed the question:

www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/4362277/Popcorn-amp-Fast-Food-List/


Several OH members responded to her post in kind. (NOTE TO SELF: 'I love OH! No more denying myself the support I find here!')

Poet_Kelly said: "For popcorn - once you're cleared for regular foods, but in moderation, and get the light kind or at least don't smother it with butter..."  and P. Javellana says in her post from  3/26/11 @ 3:25 pm , "I can only eat the movie popcorn, for some reason.  The one at the movie theater.  Any other, I can't.  I am sure it is the way it is air popped or something.  Strange though.  It took me about 7-8 months to tolerate it...."

I just happened to go to the post(s) that I needed the most, right after they were posted.  I got dressed (minus bra! but + huge raincoat) and my daughter and I were on our way to the movies!


Finally, my daughtger and I were doing something together on spring break!  (Not just THIS spring break, but for many years, I haven't really been able to participate in much at all, physically).

And, I love the movies, they are one of my great pleasures in this life.  Anyway, we are on our way and all I can think of is the time when I get to eat popcorn at the movies.

I'm thinking, "Why even bother going now, if I can't eat everything I want in the dark theatre?  Especially popcorn!"  If it hadn't been a special occasion and if I didn't desprately need to rebuild my relationship and spend time with my daughter, I would have canceled on her!

So… the whole time she is driving  (she still doesn't have her license and it was dark and rainy, curvy rough country road toward are more moutainous, though more cultural neighbor town, headed toward the movie theater… eek!) Instead of thinking about her driving, I'm fantasizing about that first piece of popcorn, possibly two years down the road...  'Even if it's just ONE piece, I will eat it bit by bit.  Even if it takes me a half an hour…'  I'm imagining all the different parts of the puffed cornel and how I'll have to be careful ~ I imagine ~ around and crispy flaky parts of the seed….sadly thinking, 'I may to eliminate those all together.'

Anyway, we almost ran out of gas, so had to stop on the way to the theatre.  By the time we got there we had missed the previews and were 10 minutes into the show.  I used my visa for admission then whipped out a $5 and bought only a bottle of water.  My daughter didn't want anything.  We hurried to the theatre and sat down inside, just before the inciting incident.  Our timing was perfect… we hadn't missed much at all.

We sat in the most comfortable seats!  Right in the middle, I was able to put my feet up, the theatre wasn't too crowded.  We started watching "Paul".  
And, I started thinking about that one piece of popcorn.  I felt it should definitely have butter on it, but dreaded the thought of "dumping" (whatever that is) and in public!  Impossible to consider risking this.  Maybe just a teeny bit of butter, but mostly dry…"

My incision areas were starting to itch, and I felt pain and pulling and stretching where I imagine the scar tissue was forming…  I asked my daughter to open my water for me ('Baby!') and fished out the chopped up pain pills out of my pocket.  I took the prescribed amount, sipped my water, and was instantly drawn in to the movie.  

I forgot all about eating!!!  

I had such a good time!  It felt like the best movie/best time I'd ever had at the theatre in my whole life! (and, this includes some dream dates at the theatre every weekend with myself growing up.  Those Vincent Price marathons… for 50 cents, I'd spend the whole day in the theatre!)

But, this movie was so special.  I would have enjoyed it anyway, I'm sure.  But it kept occuring to me as I laughed and sipped my water and noticed every nuance of the film, utterly undistracted by food, that this was a release for me.  It was a freedom I haven't known in years… maybe never, from my addiction to food.  

I'm in love with this new life, and so grateful.  And, if I died tomorrow, it would all be worth it, just these past few days of my new life. I know it sounds cliche.

I can't even say, "I should have done it sooner" because, honestly, my head wasn't there.

I was holding on to my fat for a reason.  It's going to take a lot to give all that up, now, at this more "advanced" age (and hopefully maturity level! HA!).

The thought that I could be at my right weight…. Have an active healthy full life/ wear my old clothes!  (It's been so long, they're back in style!) Life, laugh, play!

Maybe I'll even love again. Maybe even MAKE love again.

It all seems like a miracle to me.  It's so ike the miracle of my daughter's birth. Only this time, it's me.  

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