Jacquelyn
Type II Diabetes
Proteinuria
Obstructive Sleep Apnea
Infertility 20+ years
Difficulty with Insurance to be expected but willing to fight for my life.
1-3-06
I feel so awesome even though I had surgery last Friday. Everyone I talk to on the phone is in shock because I'm enthusiastic, energetic, excited and oh so hopeful. I truly feel great! I'm appreciating everything. I know it is because I prepared myself and I had my surgery for the right reasons. For 5 months I consumed my spare time and not so spare time with reading profiles, reading 5 WLS books, buying items for post op, talking to post ops and talking to whoever would listen. When my doctor, God Bless him, told me that my creatinine level was 1588.25 and at 37 years old I wasn't going to live and within a few years my diabetes will have me on insulin, kidney dialysis, probably in a wheel chair etc. and then he told me that the only solution he can find would be WLS. He promised to pray about it, and my husband and I began to pray. We asked close friends to pray. We talked to each family within my family to tell them the risks, the reasons and the benefits and gave them time to question and give an opinion and then closed the subject as this is now my decision and not to hold my husband accountable if I didn't survive the surgery. I spent 4+ months on insurance approval, fighting, mediating, reminding, resending etc. Only to get approval and be dropped by my initial surgeon. But God is in control and he took me forward to the right surgeon, the right surgery and now my recovery and future results are also in his hands. Thank you God! These are not my "morning of surgery pictures", but they are previous diet attempt photos.
1-5-06
I'm having a lot of weird dreams. Good thing my friend called and woke me this morning because I dreamed that my husband and I were at this gym and we were in an eating contest with this other couple, I'll call them "Barbie and Ken". She was dense and not really all there and he was kinda Swedish meets Malibu surfer becomes Arnold "We will pump you up, yah!". So at least the buffet of foods we had to eat were healthy. I had my eye on these melted cheesy looking things, probably the most unhealthy thing there, but I was going for them, and I had a strategy on how we were going to win this eating contest and the phone rang. So I waited a few minutes before calling my friend back and thought about the dream. Weird. It was the best weird dream I've had thus far, but dang...food. I mean, I'll never be able to eat a 12' Subway sub again. I'll never eat 4 pieces of pizza (or more). I'll never be able to go up for 2nds at a buffet. I'm not whining over this, I'm just amazed that my life has changed so much. Even if I wanted to eat a huge amount of food, it ain't happening. My pouch named Wanda will not allow it. I don't know if you've named your pouch, but I find it easier to give a name so I can blame her when things are happening. It would be better than telling guests that, "My pouch is being tempermental"..."Wanda isn't sure she likes what I just ate, and we'll hear from her very shortly". I talk to Wanda when she's being a "B". I soothe her when she gets cranky after I take my pills. She and I have to come to an agreement on things and work together for the rest of our life.
This morning after the "eating contest" I got up and weighed on the home scales. Weird thing is I lost 6 lbs since yesterday. LOL I've lost about 10 lbs since surgery Friday. My very top weight in early 2002 was 303 lbs. Very few people know that. I then did Weight Watchers and got to a mark of about 288 lbs. So this morning weighing in at 260.8, well that is as low as I've been in 6 years. The thought that I will actually continue to lose makes me want to shout from rooftops, the fact that I'm still loopy from pain meds and anesthesia confirms that I will not be doing this. But finally, FINALLY!!! I'm becoming FREE from FAT! I just gotta make this count, make it work, not lose perspective. I am worth it. Me at my highest weight:
1-5-06...again
Infertility-I've had every test and have taken Clomid several times. Just never wanted to go beyond that step in treatment. I've seen several OB/GYN's and a couple of infertility doctors. They all repeat the weight issue. I have nothing to lose :) If we have a child great and if not great. I'm really cool with whatever God has planned. I certainly know that I don't want anything in my life that He doesn't want/have planned for me. I went through all of the emotional parts of infertility and now I'm good.
Scales-I wasn't planning to weigh, just let the doctor tell me what I weigh. But I got that old bug to just want to see them move. When they really didn't I didn't get too upset. This morning I'm 10 lbs less than the day of surgery. But really, I think I will just go by measurements and how my clothes fit/look.
Food-How much food/calories am I taking in? I feel like my 6 small meals a day is a huge quantity of food. I've had no problems getting in my protein. I go over my requirement for protein. Tonight I added up how many calories I'm eating. I'm shocked. About 440 to 550 per day. That's insane!! There is some kind of psychological malfunction in my mind. How can I think I'm taking in a huge amount of food when it's totaling out to be less than 17 ozs of food, less than one pound of food and less than 600 calories per day...When you think you are screwing up or not doing it right, just make sure you always journal this stuff and add it up. The cold hard facts just don't lie. Amazing. So the weight has no option BUT to come off. My body is turning on the fat stores and munching away happily. It's imperative that we THINK about this. That we REALIZE this. That we ACKNOWLEDGE this. I never want to get to 303 lbs. ever again. Not Ever!
Exercise-Today I said "I gotta get moving". My husband said "it's raining out". I said, "Nah"...he said, "yeah"...I said, "oh well then I gotta get moving in the rain". He said, "you're 6 days post op...no one expects you to exercise". I said, "that's the attitude that will get me no where". So I got dressed and announced, "I'm getting dressed to go for a walk in the rain". "Uh-huh", he said. "I know you don't wanna join me, but do you want to come with me?" I asked. "Mmmm, sure", he said to my surprise. I bet he can't wait to go back to work to get away from me...lol So he told me that my heavy weight t-shirt and medium weight hooded sweat jacket weren't heavy enough. "Yeah, I'm good, I'm kinda warm anyway." He gave me a glance. "You want me to put on the fleece shirt, get too hot and sick?" His next glance said yes, but I didn't. Got outside and started to walk. "Crud, it IS cold and drizzling. The air is going through my clothes and I'm getting wet", I thought to myself, not wanting to let him know he was right. We walked, I felt really good. I didn't have to hold my right side like I've had to. I really was feeling great. My hands were COLD!!! I said, "I don't like the music on my i-pod now, it served it's purpose, but not for exercise". He had bought a splitter last night and I knew he wanted to use it. I wasn't too in to his music either, but didn't want to be unpleasant. We walked, he help an umbrella, I directed the walk and he kept pace with me, which I might add was pretty good for my current condition. We're nearing home, I tell him, "We have to keep going more, I'm not anywhere near my program time." He gives me the disgusted, ghastly look, "What are you talking about?" "My walking program, my exercise for the rest of my life every day 30 minutes program." "How much time have we walked?" "Only 15 minutes and I'm not going to go home and come back out later, I gotta finish this now." So we walk. Then we walk a little too far and it takes us 40 minutes to complete my 30 minute program. I tell him it will make up for yesterday where I didn't make the exact effort to go out and move. He reminds me that we moved, stairs, walking on OSU campus for the support group, walking through Wal-Mart AND Wal-Greens. That works for me, yesterday wasn't a total loss.
Wants-An electric/heated throw blanket. My husband saw the price on them and said I should just get a twin size electric blanket, same price, more blanket. I'm thinking he's right because if I get as cold as people tell me, I could use it on my half of the bed, year round. That would be hysterical for me to have an electric blanket heating me in the summer. I'm used to being so hot I didn't sleep with covers on. I love the changes.
Furbabies-We do have 2 kids. We call them, "The boys". Two doberman pinschers. I love them so much!! Gabriel and Michael. Gabriel just turned 6 in December and we don't know how old Michael is, probably about 3 next month. But truly we don't know. Tonight they got new beds. They are happily sleeping in their new beds. I think they are getting bored with my "delicate" condition. They want to romp and play and be noisy and poke my belly with their long noses. I wonder how they will adapt to me losing weight. I don't really think it matters to them. They love me because I am me. Thank you God for creating dogs. It is great to have that kind of love. Me and our "boys" Michael on my right and Gabriel on my left during previous Weight Watchers diet:
1-17-2006
A question came up on the messageboard today about WLS and divorce. This was my response:
I'm in a very good marriage. I talked to my husband several times about the strain WLS could put on our marriage. He was aware of the stats about divorce and WLS. The thing that I can see putting a strain on us now that I've had WLS is:
Stupid comments made by other people. I had lunch with hubby at his work and 3 people asked me if I planned to stay with him after I lose all of my weight. They didn't just stop there, they asked what I was going to do to get him to lose weight and exercise. His friends are now asking him if/when he will be having WLS. All of this burns me up. I had surgery because I was having diabetic complications involving my kidneys. I was told I wouldn't live to be 50 and that I would be on dialysis in the next 2 years. My husband is my support, the love of my life...these people don't see that he has saved my life by encouraging me to go forward and for providing me the insurance to cover the procedure.
The other thing is...it's all about me. It's about what I can & cannot put in my pouch. Whether or not I've lost weight. Making sure I have clothes in my current size. Spending money on cosmetics because I used to let myself go. Attention from all of our friends, family and other people in our life that haven't seen me since the surgery and they all want to comment and ask questions. I worry about becoming vain because I really do want to take care of myself now and that means dress nice and have my hair styled as well as wear more make up than I have during our marriage.
How I try to make our relationship stronger is: I appreciate him and respect him. When I ate too fast the first time, he rubbed my back and I felt so much better. For the rest of the night when I looked at him and made eye contact I thanked him sincerely. When we go out to eat I let him try to make the food choice and if it's something I can have I eat off his meal and if not, I order a cup of chili or bean soup. We hold hands more, hug more and generally have kind words more often now. I feel indebted to him in a way, but that isn't something that he expects from me. If I'm going to be a "new" woman then I want to be the right woman for him. The other thing we are going to do is renew our wedding vows this year. We were supposed to last year but I was too sick. So I told him then that next year he will have a new wife...he thought I meant that literally lol but now he sees what I am becoming. This will tell him that I would still say yes to him.
This pic is after 4 years of marriage at my graduation from college:
1/23/2005
This is a response to a post on the messageboard. I figure I will put it here in case I need it again and I won't have to type it all out again.
I got my one and only tattoo in November 2004. It was 2 weeks before graduation from college. Finally I finished something and I was proud of my accomplishment. I got a Japanese Kanji of the Chinese Symbol for "Tranquility". It is on my back, right shoulder and it shows when I wear a tank top or most sleeveless outfits. I still LOVE it!! It serves as a reminder to me.
This weekend DH and I were talking because he still thinks I should get a purple and green dragonfly and it was my idea at first, but just wanted my simple but elegant kanji. My family are all "disappointed" in me for my 1st tattoo. DH and I decided that when I reach goal I will "reward" myself with my next tattoo, that is if I still want it. I'm totally satisfied with the one I have. However, if I get a nice stomach I may be tempted to have a circle of something around my belly button rofl.
So to finish my story about the "Tranquility" symbol. I went to school to be a massage therapist. Even though my modality of massage isn't all that tranquil, I just fell in love with the symbol. I'm out shopping at a thrift store one day and I find a vase with the same symbol. It has a card attached which "translates" my symbol. So I found this out AFTER I got the symbol tattooed. This is what it means:
Contentment, Ease, Peacefulness, or Tranquility. The top part of the symbol means roof. The lower part of the symbol stands for woman or female. This two part symbol represents having a woman under your roof is the possessing of contentment and/or tranquility.
Pretty neat, eh?
I am a big baby when it comes to needles etc. So for me to get a tattoo was a HUGE thing. However, I found a focal point and did yoga breathing and kinda meditated while I got my tattoo. Honestly, it didn't really hurt. The pain came in the 2 weeks AFTER I got my tattoo. It was a burning pain and the day after was very painful!! But I survived it and may still get that second one. Plus, mine took only about 20 minutes and cost me like $85.
02/11/2006
Frank took pictures of me finally! We were getting ready to visit my uncle in the hospital and decided the time was right to take a pic. I was 6 weeks out in these pics. When he showed me them on the camera I got all choked up and started crying. Everytime I see them now I get all choked up again. WOW! I'm down about 35 lbs in the pics.
6 weeks out -35 lbs
