Day 4 pre-op

Oct 21, 2014

After yesterday's fuzzy headed battles I was hoping today would be a bit better. It was better as far as hunger, I wasn't nearly as hungry as I was yesterday at work. I wasn't watching the clock today, big plus.  But I did wake up with a migraine which meant more fuzzy head. Been feeling a bit detached that past couple days as well.

'R' is day three in Belgium and he's going through the whole jet lag and change of time zone thing. So it's been a bit convoluted trying to get times to talk down to a science. I actually broke down completely on him today. I feel terrible about it because I told him that I felt like I was trying to get my life back while he was moving forward. Feeling like I'll never catch up to him and he'll move on in life without me. 

I know that's not the case. I know it's frustration on being alone and the diet thing. But I had to say it or burst. 

He told me to keep the end game in mind. To remember this is to alleviate the weight on my knees and to make mobility better. To be able to get out and about and get back to life as it should be at our age.  I know he's right, but it's hard for me to see the end game sometimes. I can't picture being anything but what I've always been. Overweight. 

Geesh, I need to get out of my head. Kick myself in the arse and get things right mentally/

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