jbwise

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Well .....It has been along time I meant to update every month but I got so busy with living that I just never had the time but I am making myself do this because I feel it is very important to give back.

What I did for myself 1yr ago was I gave myself a gift.
The surgery gave me hope and continues to everyday I get out of bed. Hope for the future .

After surgery (the gift) and out of hope came freedom !!!   Freedom of movement...to move and to move forward with more confidence . 

None of this was easy but I made myself first and worked my ass of..lol I am living a healthy life style. I will continue to have many great moment living my life instead of life passing me by.
This first yr is just a beginning I am no longer a infant ...I am 2yrs old I hope the terrible twos  do not apply to WLS yrs. 

Well I had my first wow moment this weekend.We were riding horses and Lydia wanted to ride with me I moved back in the saddle and there was room for her!!!!!   Last summer no way was she up with me  well I put Lydia up there and we had so much fun !!! I have had a lot of energy and have be a mad woman about vits and trying to get all my H2O in and the wt is coming of!!

I hate this.......  I went to my 6wk check up feeling fine and sassy I had just spent all weekend at the horse show my clothes are lose and I jump on there scale and Im down 26lbs since surgery and 36 lbs since the first of the year..... the surgeon is happy says that Im right where they want me to be that is 15% lost  I however being the competitive bitch that I am ......am having a hard time not feeling like this is just one more thing that's not going to work for me ........  I really have to work  hard at reminding myself that I had this surgery to be healthy and that I know that Im following all the rules I do eat some good carbs fruit, veggies and whole grain I dont want to feel this way any more !!!!

Now when I put things in to my mouth I think about how this will make my body feel, not how it will make my head feel  hopefully one day it will become second nature and the head hunger will diminish.....  

Lets see where do I begin......  Surgery..... Well the first 24hrs is a douzzy I found it to be very painful its like a pain I never had before 31 hrs of labor and 2 c-sections and I found the first 24hr more painful..... my advice... use the pain pump alot and walk  your ass off it helps to get the gas out and once it is gone you feel 100% better.  Oh yeah dont plan on wearing a bra or anything tight even new underwear can bother you stomach and put pressuer where you dont want it..... My hubby thinks its great .. the no bra thing..lol  hes a perv.
Frist wk post op.......Walk Walk Walk !!!! getting in fluids and protein... Protein shakes is where its at my favorite are matrex vanella and cookie and cream others are nectar peach and cappchino  the non flavior Any whey I have not found a good mix yet I dont like it in anything i have tryed to put it in it has a bitter flavor....
Week 2 walk and then walk some more..... This week I have taken 0 pain meds my sleep is much better and that changes the way you deal with everything..... The issue of wk 2 is head hunger I know that when I say this all you pre op people will think you know what I am talking about but until you get here.... lets just say I thaough I knew what it was but I was wrong until I was there the need to chew is unbelieveable there are so many food comericals on tv...ugh making dinner for the family and then watching them eat it I could not I had to leav the rm ......I can see the wt loss in my face I feel great Im still not back to work and I have all this energy that I dont know what to so with......
Week three.......  well I have my first post op visit  with the Dr at about 2.5 wks the day after easter I am offically down 15lbs sence surgery and 25 sence jan 1st  wooooohooooo gone for good .
Week 3.... I returned back to work and for the most part I feel good its just after working 12hrs my ass is kicked and I just want to fall into bed but with kids and horses and a husband  it dose not fly..lol actually with out my Hubby I would not have made it this  far  he is a great man  and I am so lucky he loves me !!!!!!!  Have  moved on to pureed foods much better !!!! something with a little  substance and flavor .....cooking for the family is better getting daily fluids is harder now that Im on the go more but Im always working on it ..lol still can not ride horses but then again the weather has been bad so I guess i can wait that week....  The support  that you get from the people on the sbaawls board and the Michigan board is assome and I could not have come this far with the relative easee with out them .    
Well thats  all for now  WAlK DRINK AND SMILE ITS ALL GOOD...LOL
 

Well here it is the last post before surgery.... I feel like this Is a mandatory post in a way its a good bye to an old way of life and this is how I want to look at it. I have read countless number of success stories and I am ready to be one . I have had all my last meals I'm actually looking forward to clear liquids. The support I have gotten from the boards my family and friends that I have told make me feel like this is a sure thing... I'm not kidding my self nothing is a sure thing but this is a tool that has worked for many, all you have to do is look at the research and read the stories.Therestories.There will be times when wt and food will still be an issues this is not  a magic pill issues with food being my friend will have to be dealt with.  Food has been there for me in good times and in bad it sounds sort of like a marriage, and now I must get a divorce from it and still share custody of my body . I need it to live I need it to nourish  my body not sooth my soul I will have to find another way of expressing my feelings other than by what food group ill be parlolng with ..lol 
Things I am looking forward to....
1. putting on an outfit to go some where, with out looking at it and still thinking I wish I had something else to wear, because the problem really is not the clothes but my fat body that I am trying to put in them.
2. starting a jogging program with my daughters
3.being more physical and having more energy to phorses,kidse horses,kids and husband together
4.Getting on a horse with out a step stool
5. wearing a belt buckle and a fancy belt
6.buying a new saddle 16in or less and having my butt not over flow it,
7.Not having that oh shes a fat girl feeling when you deal with someone.(anyone who has been fat there whole lives can tell you when there is someone standing right next to you who has a fat phobia) 
8 Wear a bikini.. or something like that
9 shop in a normal store
10  Show reining horses and not feel like everyone is saying shes to fat to be in the show pen  .....would like to be top 3 in the state in the rookie class  
11 meet wt requirements to be a flight nurse.
12 not have a seat belt cut across my chest
13 to be able to sit in any chair comfortably
14 to be comfortable in my own skin.  

JUST GOT A SURGERY DATE MARCH 21 IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING....CANT THINK OF A BETTER DAY TO HAVE WLS.... SORT OF SYMBOLIC DONT YA THINK? I have to go for my pre ops march 7th...I feel funny like its not really going to happen...nervous? have not told my husband yet because he is at work hell be happy and nervous to. oh well now I can plann the rest of my life yeah!!!!  

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!! On Friday 2/9 I got the letter in the mail and  call the ins group for barix clinic to let them know............. I happy it happened so fast but I am unhappy with the ins dept for the clinic we would not have been in appeal if the coor. would have asked ...looked..or called to find out before sending 1/4 of my stuff in.....  now I am unsure of them and they have made me be pushy..... I had to call them to tell them I was approved...whats up with that?  Then they give me some song and dance about it going to be two wks before sch. dept calls me to set up a date for everything????  What the hell I am two to three wks behind because someone there did not do there job right.. and they act like  I am bothering them when I call.. like that will stop me.  Well it is wednesday now and I have not heard from anyone there..... you think I should call???? HELL YA!!!      I know they miss me... 
       On  a different note I quit smoking on sunday not to bad this am but hubby made the mistake of smoking in the house...... don't you people feel bad for him... I did not keep it a secret that I was stoping on sunday. Sooooo I dont think he will be doing that again....lol   


        HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

OH YA ITS ON!!!! RIGHT  NOW I'M GOING TO BATTLE THE INSURANCE COMPANY THEY SAY THEY NEED ONE THING AND THEN ITS ANOTHER MEAN WHILE WEEKS PASS BY!!!!! OK..... OK ..... I feel better I ll jump and I'll ask how high. everything happens for a reason RIGHT!!!!   WELL WE WILL SEE.

sooo... I saw the shrink. my mind is very peaceful right now.All this time I thought it was my fault that I could not lose wt(some of it still is) however I have never looked at it like I have a disease. Because Ive a hard time losing wt does not make me a failure in the rest of my life. I will  tell you I'm a very successful person but part of me has always felt like a failure because I could not lose all the wt. That feeling is lifting I feel free I feel like once I receive treatment that the wt will go. I'm not kidding myself into thinking it will be easy. but it will be easier and that's OK.  Now if I would just hear something from the insurance comp.   come on!!!!!!!   I have always believed when its supposed to happen it will. I feel I'm ready.......... Who knows what the big man has planned?  come on big man give me the word. 
I'm not going to wait for surgery to start my wt lose journey I'll start it now and I'll not be as hard on myself if I don't see the changes I want right away!  They say knowledge is power.... LETS HOPE SO!!!!!!    

I had my first meeting Dr poplowski had good info everything went as i thought it would. explained how I came to the conclusion that I needed the sugery and he said all right I'll do it for you . He also made my husband feel better  i had asked what happens when you 70yrs old after you have had this sugery and he said you will be a health 70yr old he said listen if I felt this sugery would harm people that would be the last day I would do it . He used to do liver transplants before he got into this. On a different front my dad and mom were talking to me today and my mom total understands but my dad totaly does not in his mind it is as easy as watching what you eat and the wt will come off I told him that when your 100lbs over wt you have a 3% chance that you will ever loose the wt and keep it off by traditional means he says doing it this way is like living with a gun pointed to you head all the time but I have to do what I think is necessary its your life.. Gee thanks dad for the understanding and support. What does he think that I havent really tried I have never been a normal wt all those yrs of living in his house and being a competive swimmer swimming 4 hrs a day and I still was over wt  I remember him saying to me just think if you lost wt you would be even faster could go to the olympics ..... I was a great swimmer..... This all being said I KNOW MY DAD LOVES ME VERY MUCH but he is just a man with his owen beliefs and he has raised a great women with great  values and a wt problem. I know he will support me the best way HE can but maybe not the way I want him to. I said to my mom I knew he would not understand she said how could he  it has never been a issue for him but  I do...mom  is like me or I am like her.I have THE BEST PARENTS and they will be there for me like they always have.