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 Well, 4 months...hmm....this past month has been wonderful.  I took a vacation and it was wonderful.  So many NSV's.  I needed smaller clothes.  We went to Orlando and visited Sea World, Discovery Cove, and Aquatica.  I had a wonderful time!!!  At Sea World I had no problems riding rides.  Not only did they lock down on roller coasters but they weren't even on the last notch.  :)  Then at Discovery Cove I swam with the dolphins and snorkeled.  I would have never done that a year ago.  And Aquatica was wonderful.  I rode every water slide and loved the river.  I managed to eat well and lose 2 lbs that week.  

At 4 months, I still have nausea from time to time.  I have never thrown up or dumped.  I just keep Zofran in my purse.  :)  I have days that I am hungrier than others.  Then some days I really have to make myself eat.  I still am not drinking protein shakes.  I am managing to get my protein from food and range from 60-80 grams a day.  I've become quite a carnivore.  

At this point I've lost 72 lbs.  I am proud of that.  I do get compliments and am learning to take them.  I still have trouble seeing the weight loss when I look in the mirror but I can tell better when I try on clothes.  It is very hard to move from plus size to regular size.  I think I can probably wear an XL shirt no problem not sure what size I wear in pants right now.  I am still wearing a 18w in pants but they are big.  Just need to shop for smaller.  

I still am loving my surgery.  I don't feel normal and I guess that is OK.  

Don't have anything else to call this one.  Life continues.  And I spend less time on here.  I know I need to spend more.  I definitely need the support.

I had my 3 month check up with my surgeon.  He said I was doing very well and to keep doing what I'm doing because obviously it is working.  Hmmm....I'm still not sure what I am doing.  I try to keep my calories under 1000 and my protein over 60.  I know I need more protein but very hard to do when I get protein only from food.  I really need to work on that.

I'm still going to the gym and I'm very pleased with my weight loss so far - 60 lbs is unbelievable to me.  The new normal is hard to get used to.  I don't miss food but I only eat for fuel now and that is so weird.  I do get hungry at times and then other days have to force myself to eat.  I have had to buy some new pants.  Still have plenty of tops in the closet for now.  My stack of clothes that I need to get rid of is sooo large. 

We are going to Orlando in a couple of weeks and I have been trying to remember what size I was the last time I was there.  I think I am smaller now but not sure.  I definitely won't worry about fitting on the coasters.  What a relief!

So all in all everything is the same from day to day.  Eat protein, go to the gym, and live life!

I have always loved going to the gym.  Yep, even though I didn't lose weight I have always loved it.  I always feel better afterward.  That doesn't mean that it isn't sooo hard to walk in there as an obese woman.  But I laced up my shoes and walked in again.  Signed up for a year.  And, I plan on using it.  I'm worth it!  As I was on the eliptical tears came to my eyes...I am doing this.  I am making myself important.  I can do this!!!  Talked to the gym owner afterwards and she has never worked with a bypass patient.  We are going to talk again tomorrow.  She suggested concentrating on muscle building because I will lose weight anyway.  Also increasing my protein.  Don't know how I will get any more in but I'm willing to try.  It was a great first day!!! 

Well, I made it.  At least that is how I feel.  I was told by many if I could make it to 6 weeks I would start to feel like my old self.  And I must admit I do feel mostly normal.  My energy is better but not like it used to be.  I'm an on the go person and I'm still not back to that.

I still have food anxiety.  In fact, I went to my dietitian visit at 6 weeks.  She said I was doing very well.  To keep my protein at 60 or more and calories at 1000.  I was doing that anyway so no problem there.  She did suggest that I start trying more foods.  Yep, once I'm comfortable with something I'm scared to try new things but I am working on that.  I had an apple yesterday for the first time.  I also have had trouble with my protein shakes.  They make ,me nauseous no matter which one I try.  So she said I could drop them and try Carnation Instant Breakfast twice a day.  

I've lost 38 lbs at ths point.  It isn't easy.  I really don't get hungry so I'm still eating on a schedule which just seems so weird.  BUt it is working so I keep doing it.   

This weekend was one for firsts.

Friday night was the first time I went out to eat with the family.  And I survived!!!  We went to Cracker Barrel.  Oh my, what to order...can't have my old favorites.  Decided on the hamburger steak, pinto beans, and mashed potatoes.  My daughter laughed on me because I chewed and chewed.  After I finished eating it didn't even look like I had touched my plate.  To go box please...

Saturday night was first family get together.  And I survived!!!  We had grilled burgers, baked beans, steamed veggies, and baked potatoes.  I ate at the table with everyone else with my very small portions.  And, of course, passed on the homemade banana pudding.  I did have some nausea after eating, not sure what did that.

Sunday was my first road trip.  I was very nervous about being gone for so long.  I packed my little cooler with waters, cheese sticks, and yogurt.  Not only would I be 3 hours from home but I was going to have to survive eating out twice.  And I survived!!!  My daughter was trying out for majorette at the University of North Alabama.  No way was I going to miss that.  She picked Texas Roadhouse for lunch.  I ordered the cheeseburger with no bun and ate a fourth of it.  I did fine with my snacks since I had planned ahead.  For dinner everyone wanted our favorite Italian restaurant - Ricatoni's.  It is wonderful but what in the world would I eat.  Certainly not my favorite - pepperoni bread.  My mother-in-law was ordering spaghetti and meatballs so I asked if I could just have some of hers.  I ate 1 meatball and 1/4 cup of pasta.  After leaving there my 12 year old asked if we could go to Krispy Kreme.  I can't say no so we went.  What torture!  I had nothing!  It was a great day; I didn't get sick.  Oh, and my daughter made the majorette line.  

Now for the food anxiety.  I find myself nervous about eating.  I haven't thrown up.  I have had one day where I broke out in sweats and felt nauseous.  I would have thought dumping but I had only eaten tuna salad.  But I am very careful about what I eat.  I find myself eating the same things again and again because I am afraid I will get sick if I eat a new food.  I know this wil pass but it is still frustrating.  

Well, my pants were looking pretty baggy in the rear and in my legs so I decided to shop in my closet.  I found four different sizes of course.  I think we all have that.  So I can go down a size in pants.  Yeah me!!!  My first time!!!  Trying on all these jeans, shorts, capris, and pants was actually exciting instead of the normal feeling of dread. I found several pair with tags still on.  I'm sure when I bought them I thought I will just lose 10 lbs and then they will fit.  I'm rambling.  But, I don't have to shop for pants right now.

The other thing that was painful was I had a really hard time putting the largest size that is now sagging on me in the yard sale stack.  I kept thinking what if I need them again.  The brain can be so cruel sometimes.  They are still in the yard sale stack this morning and that is where I plan for them to stay.  

So I finally made it to this point.  It did come with some new things that I had not experienced earlier.  I began to have nausea.  I called my doctor and got a script for Zofran.  I still haven't been able to pinpoint why it happens.  No rhyme or reason as far as time or day or something I have eaten.  And very thankful that I don't vomit.  I just know that this will pass too.  

I am beginning to feel more like me and hate my surgery less. I'm not as tired although some days are better than others.  I have some mornings that I cannot stay awake.  And yes I did say hate my surgery.  This is so much harder than I thought it would be.  I actually think about food more often because I'm constantly logging food, thinking about what I should eat next, etc.

I no longer like my protein shakes.  I do choke them down because I know they are necessary.  Kind of like taking your medicine.  I did finally find a calcium I like.  Celebrate vitamins orange.  

And the dreaded stall has happened.  I haven't lost any weight in the last week.  I just bounce back and forth between 267 - 271.  Very frustrating when you know you are doing everything right.  I am hoping that the scale starts moving soon.

So I am working my tool and hoping for the best.    

 So today was my post op with my surgeon.  I was supposed to have seen him last week but was cancelled because he was called to emergency surgery.  I had several things I wanted to discuss.  I have started having nausea - he says this is nausea.  As long as I am not throwing up don't worry about it.  I am so fatigued.  I own my own company and have always been on the go.  It really bothers me that although I am sleeeping more than I normally do I am still so tired.  I tell him all of this and once again he says it is normal.  That I have had major surgery and I need to give my body time to heal.  I tell him I don't have an appetite and just eat because I know I am supposed to.  Again he says that is normal.  I tell him nothing tastes right and again I am normal.  I tell him I still am having some pain on my left side.  Yep, you guessed it - I am normal.  So I guess at this point I am worrying too much about little things and that I am perfectly normal.  Who knew???

Well, unfortunately I have had a complication.  I experienced severe pain on February 14.  Yep, Valentine's day.  I started with just what I thought was gas pain.  I started feeling gas bubbles roll up my esophagus and was short of breath.  I knew something was wrong and called my surgeon's office.  He said if I was in that much pain I should get checked out.  So my mother-in-law took my to the ER where I had my surgery which is 45 minutes away.  It was a painful ride.  I was checked in at the ER rather quickly.  Once back I had a series of tests, lots of bloodwork, I was cathed for a clean catch urine specimen, and a chest xray.  Then we waited and they started an IV.  Next I had a CT of my abdomen with contrast.  This showed that I had a small bowel blockage at the lower reattachment.  I was going to be admitted.  This is not what I wanted to hear.  Tuesday night I was kept comfortable with pain meds and was NPO.  Wednesday it was 6:00 PM before my surgeon came to see me.  He ordered a small bowel study.  So down to radiology I went to drink barium and wait.  Fortunately my whole study only took  1 1/2 hours.  The tech said this was very fast.  They watch for the barium to work its way to the colon.  I went back to the room late that night.  Thursday was another day of waiting to see my surgeon.  He came around that afternoon.  He said the small bowel study showed no blockage.  This meant that they type of blockage I had was an ileus or where the bowel paralyzes and can happen after surgery and then it wakes up.  So glad mine woke up.  That was an answered prayer.  But, he still didn't want me to go home.  He wanted me to start on clear fluids and see how I did and move to full fluids the next day.  Well, today is the next day and I am home.  No problems on the full fluids.  I am supposed to stay full fluids the rest of the day and add protein shakes tomorrow.  And, of course, drink, drink, drink and walk, walk, walk.  I am doing both.  

 I'm home!  So glad to be here and finally able to shower.  I sleep, slip, and walk.  I stayed on clear liquids the first day I was home (Saturday).  Sunday I went back to full liquids and am still doing that.  I don't want to take my pain medicine but find myself having to.  I know that is silly and I should just take it.  Really haven't had major nausea but have taken phenagran twice.  I think the hardest thing for me is that I am ready to be back to normal and of course I can't.  I'm not used to lying around.  I own my own business and worry about not being there.  The eating thing is weird also.  I'm not hungry but I know I have to eat to heal.  Then I don't know what to eat because I'm not hungry.  Very glad that I gave up drinking everything but water years ago.  It makes sipping so much easier.  Crazy cycle!  But I'm trying and I know each day will be easier.