Jenna V.
Emotional eating and "black and white" thinking
May 03, 2012
Like many WLS patients, before surgery I dealt with my emotions by eating and "stuffing down" my feelings. I have used food as my pain reliever ever since I was a little girl. I always knew that although food made me "feel better", in the end, it caused me more pain than pleasure. It negatively affected my health, my friendships, my relationships, my mental health and my growth as a person in general.
I am, for the first time in my life, dealing with things. I can no longer eat to forget. I mean, I'm sure I can but I do not touch the foods that I used to eat to forget (bread and pasta, mainly). Abstinence regarding carbohydrates is the best choice for me. Other food is not the same to me in instances of emotional eating.
I have eaten bread once since surgery and it caused me to go on a 3 day eating binge where I gained a couple pounds....but I smartened up and stopped. This is very different for me because every time I tried losing weight in the past, I would do well, until I reached my breaking point and thought food was more worth it. "I will cheat just this once, and start fresh tomorrow". That was my mentality and it NEVER worked.
"Black and white" thinking always forced me on a serious downward spiral. I want it all or I want nothing at all. I will either be perfect or...well, you get the picture. I know I cannot think like this. No one is perfect. My mind knows the rationalizations but I still feel like that. I am like this is every aspect of my life. I want to be the perfect eater, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect friend, the perfect student, etc. These expectations are unrealistic and always set me up for failure in the long run. I am currently seeking counselling because I know that I need it.
One thing I want to say about this surgery: To all of you who said this journey would be a ride...boy, you weren't kidding. It has been the most difficult thing I have went through, no doubt about it. It is totally worth it though. This surgery gives you a tool; the rest is up to you. This surgery is not a cure all. It's up to you how successful you will be. It's the choices you make everyday for the rest of your life.
I thought after surgery, I would feel on top of the world and I did for a while; Until I had to start dealing with real issues. The honeymoon phase is over. I have been more miserable than happy lately and that is because I have to FEEL things, instead of dealing with them with food. I know this is the best thing for emotional healing and growth.
Food will no longer be my best friend; I will be my best friend!
