Jennifer B.

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Well, I am about 17 months post op now. As a recall, I lost the bulk of my weight within the first 4-5 months after surgery. I have still continued to lose weight, slowly, but what I have found more throughout the last 6 months or so is that my body is changing shape. My skin seems to be settling a little bit differently. I still have significant loose skin on my arms, legs, chest, and stomach, but my bone structure is more defined now.

Other new things that have come about later post-op:
I am now severly lactose intollerant. It is nearly impossibe for me to ingest anything that has lactose in it without feeling sick to my stomach and uncomfortable. I do take lactaid tablets consistently, however, I still find that I don't usually feel good after I eat foods/drinks that contain lactose.
I am also much more sensitive to high sugar foods than I was initially. After about 3 to 5 bites of something that has over 10 grams of sugar per serving, I will feel sick. 
I am finding that I have many more restrictions on what I can eat. I don't mind it because it keeps me away from food, but it is a little annoying because there aren't many times that I feel good after eating.
I am much more susceptible to getting gas.
I also have had some nutrient absorbtion issues, but am doing my best to keep it all looked at. 

Although these things sound pretty negative, I feel like my life is pretty positive. I know that the reason we eat is to sustain life and I don't need to "feel good' after I eat because then I will just want to eat more...probably. 

My weight loss is sustaining and I feel good about that. I am happy and I enjoy spending time with my friends. My relationships are going smoothly and it is encouraging to feel like just another girl in the group. I love that my friends call me to borrow clothes and that I can borrow clothes from them. I love going shopping and buying what I want instead of only what fits. I thinkthat having this surgery was the best decision taht I have ever made and would tell the world about it if I could.

So...my one year has come and past and as I look at the last year of my life I reflect... Having the surgery was definately one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life. I don't regret it at all. My life has changed more in this last year then it had ever done-through all aspects of life in my entire life. I have experienced more this last year then ever before. I have learned more about myself, my limits, my abilities, my feelings, my tendancies, my friends, the way that I think...everything. I look back at the year and there were definately hard times, many in fact, losing the weight didn't solve all of my problems like I initially thought that it would. I learned that I was blaming too many of the bad things that were going on in my life on my weight and after losing the weight now, I have had to learn how to deal with those things and how to deal with the feelings that came from learning that it wasn't just the weight, but that the weight was just the easiest scapegoat. I look back at the last year and I concede that college is a time for experimentation, college is a time about learning about yourself, college is a time of change, college is a time of personal growth, but when you add the fact that I was also undergoing a time of drastic physical change, a time of drastic change in social oppertunities, a time of drastic change in available oppertunities, a time of drastic change in personality (with a new sense of confidence), it is just so much bigger. There were a lot of times that I look back on that I just think, "What the hell were you thinking?" or "I can't believe that happend!" or "Why did I let that happen?" or "Who is that person?" I think that with my weight change all of these other oppertunities came into my life: guys, partying more, new friends, challenges with the old friends, spending too much money on clothes, family challenges, feelings of jealousy from others, my own desire to be in the "middle of everything," my inability to say no (which comes from never being able to say yes before), my lack of trust in what God has planned for myself...there is just so much that I learned about myself when I lost my weight and just kind of let myself live not thinking too hard about anything else but what was directly ahead of me-and sometimes not even that. After all of these challenges came though, they went. I grounded myself and reflected on my life. I took the experiences that I had and appreciated that I had them because if I hadn't I would never have learned from them. I took the challenges that I had undergone and remembered the things that I liked about myself before and took what I liked about myself now and created a person that is a mixture. Hopefully it is the right mix, probably not perfect yet, but a mix none-the-less. I now realize that I have been given the best oppertunity of my life, I have been given the oppertunity to re-create myself. Over the course of a year I have tried out a lot of different types of people...I have done a lot of different things, some good, some bad, some indifferent. And I realized that I don't need to be any one catagory of person, I can be whomever I want. And I think that I know now what I want. I want to be a girl that is focused. I want to be motivated, I want to be committed, I want to be diligent, I want to be a good listener, I want to be a follower sometimes and a leader other times, I want to be fun, I want to be able to party when the time is right and go to bed early when the time is right, I don't want to feel guilty about my choices, I don't want to hurt the people around me, I don't want to be a conformist, I don't want to be a Monday through Friday Christian, I don't want to be obsessed with what others think of me, I want to be confident, I want to be reassured that there is only one love that I am striving for everyday-God's, I want to be uplifting to others, I want to be satisfied, I want to be healthy, I want to enjoy what I have and be happy for others who are enjoying what I want and they have. I want to love myself the way that I am and I want others to love me for the way that I am. Without this surgery and the experiences that followed it I would have never learned all of this. I thank God everyday for the oppertunity to not only get healthier from this surgery, but for the oppertunity to get to know the real Jennifer that I knew was there, but just couldn't find on my own. A good Christian song that just gets it: Something Beautiful-Newsboys I wanna start it over I wanna start again I wanna new beginning One without any end I feel it inside Calling out to me Chorus: It's a voice that whispers my name It's a kiss without any shame Something Beautiful Like a song that sirs in my head Singing love will take us where Something's Beautiful I've heard it in the silence Seen in on a face I've felt in in a long hour Like a sweet embrace I know this is true It's calling out to me Chorus It's the child on her wedding day It's the daddy that gives her away Something Beautiful When we laugh so hard we cry It's the love between you and I Something Beautiful

I don't know what it is...I don't know if it is something that I'm eating or drinking, but lately I have been having the worst gas ever. Burping and farting (tmi?). And it hurts! I have had the farts before, and they are stinky sometimes, but now they are stinky and my whole tummy hurts. I don't know what it is.

My close friend has a cholicy 3 month old and I've never understood why they cry so much and not just fart it all out...well...now I do. It is hard sometimes. It feels similar to just post-op when you had that gas from the surgery. omg...I think that I am going to start keep a food diary to try and find out if it is something related. Maybe that will help keep me more accountable for the shit I've been eating too and jump start some more weight loss.

Well...it has been a little while, but I wanted to update on y life and how I am doing...

I am almost 9 months post-op now. I have lost about 80 pounds and have been around 160 pounds for about 5 months now. I wish that I would be losing more weight, but I'm not right now. I don't know why I plateaued or seemed to stop losing so early after surgery...maybe it is because I am pretty much at my doctor's goal already. I would still like to lose about 25 pounds. I am still working out relatively consistantly and I try to make it to the support group meetings at least once a month. I can eat almost anything...within moderation. I have become lactose and tolerant pretty badly since about December...which is wierd that it didn't happen until then.

Psychologically I am still a bit psyched about my weight loss. It is hard for my mind to deal with the weight loss. I still have a lot fo the same insecurities that I had when I was overweight and I still act on them like I did before I lost weight. I still look at clothes and don't think that they are going to fit and I still look at my old pictures and think that they look the same. I am feeling discouraged that my weight has stablized, and I feel a fear every morning when I wake up that this is going to be the best...that I am not going to lose one more single pound, and would I be happy with that.

I remember my mom asking me what size I would be happy with before I had my surgery. I told her that I would be elated with a size 12. Well...size 12 has come and gone and the satisfied feeling is still not here. I am worried that I will just never be happy with myself and I know that is an awful feeling to have your whole life.

I want to love myself, I want to be comfortable with myself, I really want all of this...how can I get it??

My life has been pretty crazy, I will do an update soon. I have pretty much been at about the same (around 160) for a few months now.

So...I have kicked the plateau...I mean...I have been sick and didn't eat anything for two days, but I lost about 5 pounds! Woo Hoo!!! I have my doctor's appointment on the 19th of December...my goal is to be down to the top of my doctor's goal at the appointment, 161...I think I can do it!

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!
I decided to post some pics of me and my friends havinga smashing good time! There are four different slide shows. I will post them below in chronological order. The first one is from Aug-September, the second is from September-October, the third is from Halloween weekend, and the fourth one is from this past weekend when we went to a formal with my university at the California Science Center in downtown LA (November 10th). I hope that you enjoy them and can see that I am having a great time with my newly found confidence and my super supportive frineds.

August and September 2006:

 

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September and October 2006:

 

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Halloween 2006:

 

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Le Femmes 2006:
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Halloween is awful...there is candy everywhere...and sugar doesn't make me dump...OMG!!!

I need to stop! I am going to stop. I am moving the bowl of candy to the other side of my office so I don't have to look at it anymore! Good Plan Jen!!! Okay...now I pour myself some crystal light and get back to work. I will overcome my lack of self control...after all that is what got me to the place I was at 6 months ago. I am going to go home and weigh myself on my scale at home instead of the one in my apartment because I like the one that has the digital read out. Then I am going to put my roommate's scale in the bathroom up against the wall so it is not right there in front of my face everytime I walk into the bathroom to brush my hair, fix my make-up, or go to the bathroom. I am going to go to the gym today...hopefully (I know I say that...but the reason is that I have a TON of stuff to do today...maybe I will take a lunch and do some of it at lunch so that i have more time after work to go to the gym) (You like how I am totally just thinking out loud...except it is not out loud-it is online...) LOL...okay...I am done with this for now. I am going to take my lunch now and get some other stuff done. Okay...today is going to be a day of getting things done!

Plan to get back on track:
8:30am-45 gram protein shake
10:00am-
12:30pm-1/2 cup of lunch (shrimp stir fry, tofu taco, ect)
                   1 cheese stick
2:00pm-90 calorie granola bar
4:30pm-1/4-1/2 cup soy nuts
6:30-1/2 cup dinner (shrimp stir fry, tofu taco, buffalo burger, ect)
8:00pm-45 gram protein shake
9:30pm-1/4-1/2 cup soy nuts, soy crisps, or sf/low carb ice cream

Drink 64 oz of water and go to the gym 4 days a week.

I can do it!
Goal- lose 5 pounds by doctor's appointment on 14th.

Snack:

Snacks:
Soynuts
Edamamae (steamed or dried)
Turkey Jerky
String Cheese or cheese sticks
Soy Crisps
100 calorie snack packs
low-fat graham crackers with lowfat/sugar peanut butter
hummus and cucumbers, celery, and/or carrots
dannon light and fit carb control yogurt
sf pudding/tapioca packs


Meals:
-I like the Asian Veggies at Trader joes, I mix it with tofu and shrimp and stir fry (no rice)
-There is a new pasta (i think it is by Barillo) called Plus Pasta (yellow package) it is whole wheat and is LOADED with protein (14grams per serving) i will make that and add a pasta sauce, some ground turkey, mushrooms, and tofu to the sauce
-I do buffalo bugers (loaded with protein...like 42 grams for a patty...but can never finish a patty) I get them at Trader Joes. I grill them up and put sauted mushrooms on the top of them.
-I like Boca Burgers
-I do edamamae with mashed potatoes (about 2oz of potatoes and 4-6 oz edamamae)
-I like quesodillas on low-carb tortillas
-I like tuna and chicken salad on crackers or in a low-carb tortilla
-I like the low sugar/fat peanut butter and sf jelly on low-carb tortilla

Well...I am almost 6 months out. I can't believe that it has been that long since I had my surgery. At the same time...it seems like I don't even remember how it used to be. I am so used to eating the way that I do now, that I don't miss the bad foods for me, I don't miss the big clothes, I don't miss not being able to buy anything cute but handbags and shoes. LOL!!! I love being able to shop at Forever 21, Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch, Urban Outfitters, Victoria's Secret...shit...anywhere. I am not just buying things now because they fit...I have to weed through the stuff that fits and buy stuff that I like the best and can afford because everything fits now! It is so surreal. I went into Abercrombie last week and tried on some clothes and they fit. I was so exstatic! I tried on some Juicy Couture sweatshirts and they fit...I love it! Now if only I had enough money to buy all these new clothes! LOL!!! My parents say that everytime they see me I am in something new, well...I have to be...I am falling out of my clothes. I litereally have only 1 pair of jeans in the size that I am right now, I have one other in the next size up that I can still kind of wear with a belt and such, but that is it...A great problem to have I guess.

I am kind of stalled in my weight loss right now. I have been hovering at 170 for like 6 weeks now. It is really bothering me. I am trying to get to the gym more and remember my protein. I know that is what it is. I just hate it so much! Oh well. The hair loss is getting better, but is still bad. My hair has SIGNIFICANTLY thinned. It isn't really too visible yet. My mom is the only one who has really noticed. I had a lot to begin with, so it isn't a HUGE deal.

My stomach is getting a bit more sensitive. I don't know if it is just that I am being less careful with the foods I am eating or if it is just not feeling good. I seem to get sick a lot. I am going to try and be more careful. I still have yet to really have a piece of bread...I sometimes eat the crust of it like at a restraunt where they put it out on the table, but that's it. I feel really good about that. I really try and watch what I eat...or I guess what I don't eat is more like it. I am pretty proud of myself, but I know I still have room for improvement.

Well...things are good here. I shall go fix myself some lunch now. Edamame. Yummy!!!