Jeralyn Merideth

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I am just past my 10 year anniversary, my babies are are so grown up. Jared is 17...a man in the state of MO lol. He's taller than me...by a lot! I am no longer married to Bill. The main man in my life (men, actually) are Jared and Marty. Marty is our 75# pitbull lol. He's. A. Mess. Plain and simple.

I am enjoying the single life....a LOT...and I have a new job with MBS here in Columbia. LOVE my job!! I will write more when I get a chance. I should not neglect this forum :)

Everyone take care and ask questions!!

 

J

I wish I had half the gumpsion today as I felt in that last post. I do feel it, at times, and then it slips from my grasp like sand through your fingers.

Of course, my weight is suffering for it. I am dangerously close to falling below 130 and if I do that, I will certainly be nothing but skin and bones.

If anyone out there prays, please hold me and family up in your prayers.

Thanks,

J

How did my life get so messed up? I'll tell you how; because I let it. I'm ashamed to say it, but that's the ugly truth. Have you ever wanted something so much that you left your dignity on the side of the road to get it...or keep it? Oh, you don't know at the time that's what you're doing. No, you are convinced that things will "get better." That if you just try harder, things will all work out. What you're really doing is closing your eyes to the truth that is staring you in the face. Truth you just don't want to face...so you don't. That is what has happened to me. I have been in denial for so long, I have forgotten what the truth looks like...feels like. Well, I woke up. And let me tell you, it was a rude awakening too.

I have done a lot of soul searching in the last month and have come to the conclusion that I don't like who I have become. Not "me" in general, but the "me" that has let herself be taken advantage of and manipulated. How could I have let this happen? How could I have let my self esteem get so low that I let another human being dictate how I felt about myself? How could I let the one person who is supposed to love me and be my best friend treat me like a doormat? And since I have come to realize that this has been going on for quite some time, does it mean that this is what life is going to hold for me...for another 4 years? Five? Ten..? A life of emptiness, neglect, and depression? Of course, it doesn't appear this way. No, the mask is pretty and doesn't look anything like what is underneath...where the truth lives. But am I willing to keep living the facade and not have a real, and fullfilling life? Oh no girlfriend. Slap yourself. Hard. Force yourself to take a good look at where you are and do something about it....if for no other reason than to be an example to your children...your daughter...that there are boundries in life and when those boundries are crossed, there will be consequences. When there are no consequences, you are selling your self respect. Self respect is priceless and nothing is worth selling it for. Nothing. If the "thing" you are trying to hang onto means selling it, then the pricetag is too high. You need to leave it on the rack and walk away.

I have been trying really hard to gain a few pounds before vacation...as my mother-in-law bought me 2 dresses for formal night on the cruise. They fit ok but since the girls have deflated (again) the bodice is a little lacking. Oh well. I don't understand why I'm losing weight.

Jeralyn

I have been such a healthy person all my life and with 5 kids, I'm pretty much immune to just about all things...but this has got to the worst year of my life for sickness! The last thing that happened to me (trust me, it's all a long story but this one is the shortest), was being diagnosed with a communicable disease known as C Diff. No one knows how I got it. This journal is so long...I have no idea whether I have meantioned this before. But, I have, it seems, the opposite of most people that have surgery; I have trouble keeping the weight ON. If I don't snack constantly, I'll drop 2lbs in my sleep. Well, before the C. Diff started I was weighing in at a very comfortable weight of 146 or so. It was fabulous! I was a solid size 6, my face was filling out, the girls came home, I had the "booty-be-back" going on...and then BAM! I dropped to 136# in just over 2 days. Great. All that effort totally lost. I'm sure a lot of it was water, but I lost clothes sizes too. My 4's were baggy.

In just under the 3 weeks since that time, I have managed to creep back to 139.5 by eating a LOT...but the fullness is still lacking.

You guys send good thoughts my way that I'll get well and get over all this sickness already!!

Jeralyn

Yesterday marked 7 years since my surgery.I can't believe that much time has passed! Since I posted last, I stopped working for the MSBA, and started working for Columbia College as a web designer. I also have a site that promotes my online portfolio. It's built in xhtml+css (which is my specialty) and css galleries all over the net has showcased my site. Becasue of this, I have had visitors from all over the world! How exciting!!

On a personal note; Bill and I are still together and in April we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary :) Jared is now 14, and Olivia is almost 10. I can't believe how my babies have grown! My oldest baby, Aaron is almost 28 and he's living with us at the moment and it's been ablessing having him there after him being in another state...away from the family...for so long.

Well, gotta get back to work! I will start updating more :)

Jeralyn

Well, it's a new day! I went back to GA on the 29th of June to retrieve my things from storage and bring them to MO (where I now live) and my husband came back with me! We are back together and I know God has His hand on us. We are making steps toward healing and it feels good to be a family again. The kids are loving having their dad at home again and here, we have a new start, in a new apartment...new state...away from his mother (sorry M) and life is good :-)

Hi Everyone. I know I haven't kept up my journal very well. This past year has been a rollercoaster ride for me. My husband left me a year ago (the 13th) and I ended up losing 20# in a month. This is why I was so depressed and couldn't eat. Things were really up in the air for a while and at the beginning of this year he finally told me he wanted a divorce. So, I decided to just get on with my own life....and this entailed moving to Missouri.

I now have a job with the Missouri School Boards' Association doing web projects and graphic design. I LOVE this job! AND...my husband and I have been talking for a couple months now about getting back together. When I up and left GA he was like...HOLY CRAP!! I need to do something. Anyway...things on a personal level are looking so much better than before. Health-wise...I know my levels are not good. During the last year I have not been consistant with my vites and so I'm making a new determination to get back on track.

As always, feel free to email me should you want to chat or ask questions...

God Bless,

Jeralyn

Hi everyone! Things are going SO MUCH better in my life. I'm no longer depressed and down. I am still the same weight, however...but this is okay. I love being this size (4's mostly) but I need some plastics BAAAAAD!! lol The girls are just gone...never to return w/o some surgery. *sigh*

I start a new job the 22nd of this month! VERY excited about this. I know this is where I'm supposed to be for now. Email me for questions if you want!

Hey everyone. I'm feeling much better than the last time I wrote, but as you can see my weight is still dropping and I'm getting worried. I am eating better but it doesn't seem to be helping...yet anyway. I'm actually trying to gain now. I'm skin and bones. I have no breasts (they were on hiatus to begin with...now I think they've left permanantly lol), no butt, no hips. *sigh* I look like a boy. I used to have curves and stuff. I hate this. I mean, I love being "thin" (my 6's are hanging off me so I'm sure I'd be able to wear 4's) but when does the fat start redistributing? My face needs some serious fat right now. I'm anxiously waiting :-)