Struggling

Apr 29, 2009

I feel like my body is not my own.  Like I have no say in what it does, what it feels or what happens to it.  I feel unsafe in my own skin.  When I look in the mirror or take pictures of myself now I see a stranger, I don't see me and it makes me insecure.  Add to that that I have never seen myself before as a curvy feminine woman, let alone a sexual being and it scares me.  I have always I guess viewed myself as an aesexual entity, neither feminine nor masculine and definitely not sexual.  And as the fat disappears my skin is feeling sensations more readily and many of them are completely foreign to me.

My surgeon and therapist assure me this is normal and will pass and I will adjust and I am working on it in therapy but it is seriously freaking me out and unforunately causing me to not eat all of the nutrients that I should.  Very dangerous, I know, and I'm working on it.

I need to gain some sense of ownership over my body.  Some recognition that it is mine, even in this new form.  And I don't know how to do that feeling as unsafe as I do.

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