kago16

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Ive been going though alot. I was having touble loosing and when i lost i would gain it right back. It was VERY hard but im slowly getting back on track. I am more cautious about what i eat. i also try to stop my self when im not hungry insted of when im stuffed or full.

I had been having alot of problems with anxiety. I have so much stress from school, work and just genaral everyday life. i am also dealing with that. I have gotten back into theraphy, and im taking meds to help me. I share my story beause if anyone is going through anxiety or depression i want to let you know its ok to go and get help. Your not crazy even if u feel that way...alot of ppl have similar issues and dont admit it or just dont properly deal with it. Often times in the black community we do not deal well with mental ilness. Please feel free to email me and talk if you want.

I just came back from vacation in tampa florida. It was great. I had an excellent time. My cousin and i went to the beach, took a cruise out the gulf and saw a pack of dolphins in their natural habitat, we went to a tampa bay rays baseball game and saw MC Hammer in concert after the game, we saw Tommy Davidson, and visited Ybor city and of course hit up Bush garden africa. We did a lot and i had a great time.

Im not where i wanted to be at this point in my journey but im somewhere and thats what matters. I was able to get on the rides without any problems. i looked good in my 18/20 swim suit and i had a great time.

Its back to my reality now. im trying to take the lessons of relaxation and sanity that i got from my vacation into my everyday life. XOXO

B- 1 lean pocket breakfast, sf jello, multi, iron and B12

L- kids burito

D- lean cusine salmon dinner

8.30pm-Turkey lean pocket, 1/2 cup italian weding soup, SF jello

S- 2 SF bryers ice cream 

ok so today i ate pretty good. no candy! lol mostly cause im outa chocolate and wasnt at my desk alot. this evening i was kinda depressed so i ate the turkey and soup and the 2 ice creams. 

the ice cream was great. but my tummy is rumbling now. ok tomorrow is another day and i hope to do better.

B- protein shake & multi and iron and B12

S- SF chocolate

L- Lean cusine manicotti, sm soup

S- SF hard candy

D- small salad

S- SF jello w/ FF whip cream and kraft twist cheese & calcium

ok so the chocolate is gone and im trying to replace my snack stash at work with good snacks. I still have some SF hard candies there but i dont eat them much cause they are with sweet and low and it upsets my tummy a bit

B- sm coffee and sm hash brown

S- 2 peice of chocolate

Lunch- lean pocket and sm beef noodle soup, and watermelon

S-2 pice of chocolate

5.20pm- lean cousine meal

S-sf puding

9.45pm- beef burito from taco bell

11.30pm bean burito insides

12.00am 2 sf popcicle

calcium pills

Ok so today is the first day of my detox or get right with my pouch eating plan. Its gonna be a hybred of the 5 day pouch test. I am just taking it day by day, hour by hour.

B-protein shake, iron, multi vit and b12

S- 2peice SF chocolate

L- stuffed cabbage lean cusine ate all the cabage and couple bites of the potetoes

S- sf irish cream hard candy

W- ive had 1 20oz bottle of water and sipping on the 2nd one now


So far im doing good. i should have stayed away from the candy. infact my tummy is rumbling a little. im noticing i dont dump heavily, however my tummy is upset for a while. 

Also i feel hungery, the stuffed cabage didnt fill me. im used to eating until im stuffed and i have that empy feeling. ok im not hungery hungery, but i just have that empty feeling and it feels to me like hungery.  to curb that ive been trying to drink water. i am sipping on my 2nd 20oz bottle that i mixed with cherry pomegranate crystal light. 

Im gonna keep trying to occupy my mind to keep me from eating. i do have a yogurt and a sf pudding in the fridge so if i get too too hungery ill eat one of those. 

5.pm Small salad with egg (i was so hungery)...it was actually hunger that time.

7pm animal crackers

10.30 4oz rosted chicken

12am 2 packs mni rice cakes



Note to self- ok did good up until dinner. i need to figure out a way to eat enough and not go crazy in the evenings. i also need to go to bed earlier to help control my late night snacks. 

goal- try to incorporate lessons from today into tomorrow. think of more filling high protein snacks to have in between. stay away from the candy and crackers. if you must one pack of snackie food ie rice cake or animal crakers...but try to stay away from them. 

also up your water and take your calcium

"recognized that I'm grieving what could have been, I need to learn to celebrate what is and what I have done FOR myself and let go of what I did TO myself." 

This is a snipit that i got from Barbra C.'s thread on learning to love ourselves. this is something that i really need to practice in my own life.

yesterday 6mos since WLS. I am very thankful that i have been given this tool, however i am not using it to the best of my abilities. I have been eating alot of carb filled foods and my portions has gotton bigger. I have also been stress eating alot and beacause i dont have time to plan and cook i buy out alot which leads to alot of horrible choices. I began at 370lbs and i fluxuate around 281. The lowest i saw was 276 and wet back up within a day. 

Most of my problem is due to my schedule. My schedule leaves no time for food planning, preparing and cooking. Im always on the go and when i get home around 9.45pm from leaving for work at 6.30 i just want to go to bed and the last thing i want to do is work out. 

i have also been under alot of stress...im considering contacting my pcp to put me on anti depressants. Everyone around me precives that i have this great life but most of the time im an emotional wreck just keeping it all together outward. infact that makes it worse beacuse people dont think you need help. lately ive been having moments where i just feel completely horrible about my self.

i would be content with my loss so far if i was doing my part. my disgust and frustration is that i havnt been working my tool. Its frustrating also beacuse ive had so many days that i wake up saying today is it. im gonna eat correctly and stay in line but i just spiral down. I feel like i am trying but with my crazy schedule and my emotional problems i just keep falling off. that said i know i need to get a grip beacuse my schedule the past 2years have been crazy and its prob not gonna get beter for a nother couple years so i need to learn how to live properly with my hectic life and crazy emotional state.

I am hoping that next week when my summer classes are over i can get my life together, and relax in the evenings after work. My goal for the next 6mo is to get back to the books. 

i plan on doing the 5day pouch test to help me get my portion size back down and also help me detox. i hope to excercise more, even if it means taking the stirs at work or finding other little ways to move around.  i also hope to get my stress eating under control, take a vacation or spend some personal time somewhere and just take better care of my self

If anyone else is having similar problems or has over come similar please contact me beacuse i need all the help and support i can have, and if your currently going through something similar we can encourage each other.

thanks to my OH family for always being there. you guys have constantly encouraged me through private messages and leaving lovely comments on my pics.

Finals are around the corner....i have soo much work to do...i dont really have much motivation...well i have reasons and reasons to do it but im just getting to that blah stage! Just keep me in your prayers guys. Thanks

Im still excited about my lil eliptical victory and its got me thinking about my one really really big goal! To Run!!!!!! i dont even have a distance in mind but  just to run. 

I have a bad history with running....i know that its gonna be a mental challenge for me. when i was younger in high school and middle school we used to have to run the presidential mile and each day we trained by running 10 mins before gym class started. 

i was over weight and couldnt do it...it didnt help that the kids made fun of me...so i hated running...i came up wiht every excuse in the book..oh and to top it off i had athsma and beacuse i did come up with excuses no to run when i would have attackes my teacher thought i was faking that and would make me keep going or the kids would pick on me worse...anyway lets just say those were some of my horrible memomories that of course what did i do...prob eat as much as i could when i got home

so running is gonna bring up so many emotions and beacuse ive not been able to do it part of me cant really imagine doing it.

I am watching this show on pbs on how they are traning diffrent ppl on diffrent fitness levels to run....and thers a semi plus size girl there...although shes way smaller shes the biggest one and it was hard for her to start out. shes doing so good now later towards the show...She is now the fastest female runner in their team...and she is still semi plus size....she makes me feel like i can do it. and also shows me that you dont have to be a bone to be healthy and do really active stuff

ok ...so this summer id like to start traning to run...

I just got home from the gym. I went to hip hop class which is an hr long intense cardio/arobic dance class and after that i was bit energetic so i headed to the main gym. I got on the eliptical machine and did 20mins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 freaking mins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is soo amazing. i could still breath well after i was done i was sooooo happy.

lil background( i belive i blogged bout it too) i had previously tried getting on the eliptical once pre surgery and few weeks after surery. i could barely stay on there for 5mins! i remember i was panting and was ready to get off. 

every time im at the gym i usually go for the treadmill or the bike...never the eliptical beacuse i just didnt want to embarass my self. well today i dont know what made me do it but i guess i was just ready to try it again. i told my self i would do only 10mins. after 10mins i was going for 15 and i made it to 20!!!!

this was a big wow moment for me. i was just talking to a WLC friend about how ppl from school come up to me and tell me how good i look. alot of ppl dont know i had the surgery...so they usually jsut say wow u look so good or just say u have lost so much weight.....however i dont really see too to much. ok i see it in the pics but when i look at my self in the morning or just in genaral without really putting thought into where ive come from i still see a fat person that has a long way to go. 

this is such a mental journey for me as much as it is a pysical one. 
Anyway im babbling on ...i just wanted to share my wow moment!!!! Yeah to a healtheir, stronger me!!!

love you guys!