Kimberly B.

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Today I had my 16 year post op visit.  I can't believe it has been that long since I walked into Dr. Fobi's office with my head down and sadness in my heart because I felt so hopeless.  I continue to thank God every day for a second chance and I thank him for the annointing He has place on these doctors lives to set us free.   It is a wonderful feeling to come this far and to know that I was kept by God along the way.

Today was my first full day back at work, I wore a sweater that I bought about a year ago and put it in the back of the closet because my upper arms looked horrible in it.  I put it on this morning and almost cried, I can't believe that it took so long to complete the journey.  I had a new found confidence, I fully see why people get hooked on plastic surgery.  I will say that I took too many naps during the day while I was off because by 1pm I could have crawled under my desk.  I will get back in the swing.  Well thats it for now NY&CO is having a sale on sweaters, time to shop 

I woke up a few minutes before midnight, it was the first time in years that I was grateful to be sleeping in the middle of my king size bed alone.  Last year went by in such a flash and left a lot of pain in it's path. When the ball dropped New Years 2007 I was in a 2 year relationship with a man that I just couldn't stand. He had a horrible allergy to the TRUTH !!!   I can not tolerate people that under estimate my intelligence by lying. I ended up alone in the middle of a relationship so by May I figured if I was going to be alone I would have the integrity to be by myself.  Making that decision was the most liberating and empowering I have ever felt. I thought that losing weight was the magic potion to finding that happily ever after NOT! I have been through three frogs looking for the prince since my weight loss and I have concluded that peace is so much more important than love. I am not clear what I think about love, I am not sure it is for everyone and I am absolutely unsure if it is worth the risk.  In May I also lost my best friend of 20 years to complications from Lupus, after that I lost three cousins and my uncle, November 17th I lost my Mother.  As I lay in my bed looking back at 2007 my heart became heavy yet grateful these people were all so sick, too sick for me to be selfish enough to begrude them rest.  But how do I start this New Year without these people especially my best friend and my mother, who do I tell my secrets to, who will encourage me when I am down. I closed my eyes and listened to the stillness of the night.   I could hear these two woman that I love so deeply say to me " keep moving, keep reaching,keep giving, keep praying. KEEP LIVING!!!".  So now that the ball has dropped and it is 2008, I have but one resolution.  I will stop and listen to my heart in my heart I will hear the laughter, I will hear the wisdom, I will hear the encouragement and I will whisper my secrets and I know that they will hear. The love we shared is undying,  the will they had for my happiness the love and the laughter we shared will forever remain in my heart .....

This is the name of the foundation that I donated my skin: MTF Tissue Services - Living Skin Donation

Things went well and Dr Katzen removed 7lbs of skin.  The really amazing thing is that the skin can be donated and they give you the option of the use, I chose facial surgeries.  They use the skin and tissue.  I am sure they can use more african american donors.

It has been a really busy and tough week and a half, My Mom passed away November 17,  she touched so many lives some of the things she did I think the family forgot because we were so caught up in the sickness, for over five years we watched this brillant woman deteriate to 70 lbs, and her mind taken hostage by pre Alzheimers.   I think she held on so that we would be able to let her go and recognize her passing as Gods mercy.   My last visit with her she told me that I was skinny,  it made me feel good to hear that because as a chubby kid she did all she could to get down to the bottom of my obesity, every doctor every diet she was right there, she sat through my first weight watchers meeting when I was 8 yrs old, I took weight shots and she took them too just to encourage me. When I decided to have surgery in 1992 she was right on the other side of the operating room praying.  I thought for a long time that she was ashamed of me and that is why she wanted to change me,  But once I lost weight I realized that she loved me and wanted me to be happy and healthy.  I am blessed to say that my Mother was so very proud of me and even in her weaken condition she would beam .  I am having surgery next week on my arms , I thought of cancelling but she wouldn't want that because when she fell asleep that morning and woke up in Zion, she was made brand new.  She would want the same for me to not be hindered anymore by the old but to walk in the newness and finish the transformation she was able to see.

see Me  by Kimberly Y.   How do I find myself in your eyes? What do you see when you look at me? I wonder if you're blinded by your own sight or if you can really see Me,     You see beauty adorned. I see the beauty of a woman that has overcome many obstacles, yet had the strength to rise. The joy in my smile is not just perfectly straight teeth that happen to fit the frame of my face, The joy in my smile is the gratefulness for peace.   My infectious laughter is not just idol giggling, It is the happiness in my spirit for a life that I thought disowned me.    The presence that I carry is not undeserved arrogance it is the security in knowing I found my place in a world, where I desired to be invisible      Close your eyes and see inside my soul, the spirit does not lie the spirit speaks louder than any words that can be contrived from a single thought  .  Close your eyes and look in to my soul, look past the smile, look past the laughter, look past the adorned beauty   Look and see hope, integrity,  love, laughter and peace    Look into the soul that no longer desires to be invisible, My only desire is that you see Me.  

THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE SINGLE STEP

After all these years I have my surgery date for my arms December 6. 2007, with Dr. Katzen  I can't believe that it has taken me this long to complete the journey.  When I first lost the weight in 1992 I thought being able to walk and talk at the same time was the ultimate gift.  I had my revision in September 2004, my next thing since my daughter was an adult was to fall in love.  In January 2005 I met what I thought would be the love of my life .
I spent the next two and a half years , nursing his old wounds, mothering and mentoring his children  I forgot my own journey.  Here it is 2007 and I am wearing a size 12 but I still have size 24 arms.  I realized that I have no idea how to love without giving too much of myself away in the process.  I have come to realize that PEACE not love is the most important thing in life. I tossed the excess baggage, made an appointment with Dr. Katzen, then I went out and bought my first sleeveless dress !!!!!!!!!!!

  After 45 years of living, I have learned so many lessons, and have overcome countless obstacles. Each year around this time, I write down the things I know for sure. The life lessons that have been tried and proven "truths" for my life; and here they are:   1.) You can't make someone responsible for your happiness,   2.)  Where there is no peace or respect there is no love.    3.)  You can't move forward, unless you release the past.    4.)  Don't spend time trying to repair in a person what you didn't break, people are responsible for altering the direction of there own lives and healing from there own past.   5.) Be accountable for your own actions, it is never one persons fault , release them, forgive them, FORGIVE YOURSELF and move on.   6.) If God moves  you to do something, know that you are on assignment and do not try to create your own agenda.    7.) Never assume you are on the same page with someone you are getting to know just because you have a few things in common, communication is everything.   8.)   Don't waste time trying to figure out if someone Loves you are not, it gives them way too much power over your life.   9.) The best revenge is living well, gives the haters a reason to wake up in the morning.   10.)  If you take care of your mind , body and sprit you will never grow old.    11.)  Learn to smile in the midst of your pain and disappointment, your smile will brighten someone else's day. 12.)  A person needs are never a demand on my life.  13.) Anything worth having is worth working for, there are no easy fixes  14.) When you find people that are always in the midst of a mess, it is probably the harvest from seeds sown in the past, let Karma have it's way ***Enjoy, be blessed***