linison

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So, I traveled down to Eagle Pass last Sunday, and had surgery Monday morning.  Dr. Alvarez said I did awesome, and my hubs and I made it a two day trip home (thank God, that drive would have been hell in one day again).  I've been trying to get back to semi-regular activity over the past few days since I go back to work on Monday.  

I'm down 3lbs since surgery, and what I'm really wrestling with is a desire not to become someone who chases the scale.  I've been someone who lets that damn number dictate their self-worth for a very long time, and it hasn't worked out so well for me.  I know that I will feel better and have more energy, and probably start to like myself more as that number goes down, but I want to learn to like everything about me instead of just that number on the scale.  It's something I've been thinking about a lot, and I'm still not sure what steps to take to make it happen.  It's definitely something to work on.  

On the other hand, Isopure is vile, but I'm finding ways to make it go down easier while I'm on clear liquids.  Only a few more weeks until I can cook again!

I've been meaning to post a blog for over a week now, but I hadn't decided where to put it.  Here will do just fine until I decide whether or not to go full-scale bloggy with this journey or not.  My surgery date is October 13th, with Dr Alvarez at Endo Bariatric.

It seems like this decision to have surgery has been rather sudden on the surface, but really it's been kicking around in my head for over 6 years.  The first time I seriously considered weight loss surgery, I had just finished college and was finally out of school and had the TIME I thought I was lacking to deal with my weight and my health while I was in grad school.  I lost 100 lbs that year, and it took the next 5 years for that 100 lbs to come back and bring friends.  When I started considering it again a few months ago, I had been trying to stave off those stubborn pounds for a couple of years with limited success.  In the mean time I had been diagnosed with PCOS, gotten married, gone through hell on birth control, and discovered that something about me just wasn't into getting and staying pregnant.  And while I haven't been what you'd call happy with my body in a long time (maybe ever, but I definitely used to be happier), the tipping point was my inability to have a child at this weight.  We spent months and months on all kinds of fertility treatments and plans...this is what I can do to get my body into baby-making shape.  In the mean time it will reduce my risk of all kinds of obesity-related diseases, get me to a 'healthy weight', maybe even get the Elephant CPAP mask off of me.  

I'm at peace with my decision, I have the most supportive husband ever.  I've chosen to be open about my surgery right now.  In a couple of years when people ask me how I did it, I don't know if I'll need to tell them.  But for now, I'm building my support network in the only way I know how.  When someone asks why I'm not eating, I tell them I'm having surgery and why.  I'm not ashamed.  Well, I'm trying not to be.  

I've been on the pre-op diet for five days now.  I miss chewing.  It's been tough, but I'm doing it and I will make it to surgery.  Here goes nothing.