VENTING!!! Me and the same 2 lbs.

Sep 06, 2009

I was feeling so great 2 weeks ago, when I was *this close* to the 50-lb lost mark, at 49 lbs.  I just knew that by last Friday I would move past it.  Except for one problem... the scales started moving in the other direction!!!  I gained almost 3 lbs, lost a lb, gained it back, lost it again.... and I know its because of what I've been eating - SUGAR AND CARBS.  I hate that I have this sugar addiction, I feel like a drug addict waiting on my next hit.  So for nearly 2 weeks I have been telling myself "today is the day... no sugar, no simple carbs, lots of protein and water".... and before the end of the day I fall off the wagon.  And why is it the more of that stuff we eat, the more we want?  It sucks, so bad.  I hate feeling this way about myself, I have done so well and now I feel like a total friggin failure because I am stuck with this same 2 damned lbs. and I haven't crossed that 50 lb. mark yet.  I have a short-term goal to have lost 60 lbs. by my family reunion in October, out of state where I haven't seen my siblings and their families since June when I'd only lost 27 lbs.  I think it's unrealistic to think at this point that I could lose 12 lbs. in a month, (wouldnt have been if I'd lost 2 lbs a week for the past 2 weeks instead of gaining 2!!!) so I've set myself up for another disappointment.

DAMNIT I am so frustrated with myself this morning!!!  I know I just have to STOP eating that crap, that's the answer.  One little bit leads to another little bit, and so on and so on. 

So far today I've had a 16.9 oz bottle of water and I'm going now to make a latte with Unjury vanilla.  At lunch I'm having leftover steak and at dinner I'll have another protein source.  Just make sure I get in 60 g's of protein and that's IT.  I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO THESE DAMNED CRAVINGS.  Tomorrow morning I go for a check-in with the surgeon.  I'm going to talk to him about another fill, and of course he's going to want to know what I've been eating for the past 3 days and I'm going to be SO FRIGGIN EMBARASSED to tell him ice cream and potato friggin chips!!!!  Serves me right if he chews my ass out.  Though he probably won't let me get another fill til I show him 3 days of what I'm SUPPOSED to be eating and tell him how I feel after that.  SO.... this is like the old days of actual DIETING, which I friggin hate and could never do long-term.  That's why I had WLS to begin with!!!

Geez, I knew this wasn't going to be totally easy, but I sure didn't know it was going to be this HARD!!!!

Ok, now that I've pitched my temper tantrum like a 3-year old, I'm going to go make that latte and maybe go to the garden nursery buy some pansies and work in the yard until it starts raining.

Wipe these stinging tears, take a deep breath... and get moving.

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