charmaine A.
Someone posted on a page in the vsg forum as to your biggest fears of having surgery. As i started typing I started realizing that all these fears contributed to me being 340 pounds. So i decided to put them here, because as heartwrenching as some of them are, I need to put them out there.
1. Afraid of failure-i have never completed anything in my entire life.
2. Afraid of my children being motherless, but as I see it, five years down the road and they would have been motherless anyways.
3. Getting the skeletons out of my closet. I had to admit to myself and search my soul as to why I became this way. I used food to console myself when I was lonely or angry, or to get the acceptance of my mother (was the only time she would have anything to do with me, she would eat late to console her loneliness, and i followed and still do). I have noticed my behavior and I am hoping to correct it with therapy.
Last but not least...Most likely the most important. I was sexually assaulted when I was just over 18 still in high school, and it made believe that If i were overweight no one could hurt me like that. I used my fat to protect myself in my own mind. This took almost 20 years for me to realize.
