Lorieliz
Happy Mother's Day?
May 12, 2012
I still, three years out almost, have a really hard time with mother's day. Yes, I am a mother, but I don't have one anymore. I struggle to be "happy" on this day.
I went to a workshop yesterday on "Mindfulness Meditation" and although I was really into it yesterday, I am feeling kind of ambivalent today. Since I decided to have WLS (hopefully I can), I have had to remind myself every day not to put my life on hold while I wait. That would be so counterproductive. It's hard though.
THat's what I liked about this particular kind of meditation. Living in the moment is vital. If you spend your life waiting for tomorrow, you don't have a iife. Every time I hear myself say "I can't wait until my cruise in November", I have to stop myself andsay "YES YOU CAN"
There so many other times and experiences between now and then that I need to savour, to enjoy, to feel. Mindfulness keeps bringing you back to the here and now. Keeps you from getting trapped in the past or locked into the future. That works for me.
I intend to try to practice and explore what I learned, to listen to the CD, to be present in every second of my life.
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I went to a workshop yesterday on "Mindfulness Meditation" and although I was really into it yesterday, I am feeling kind of ambivalent today. Since I decided to have WLS (hopefully I can), I have had to remind myself every day not to put my life on hold while I wait. That would be so counterproductive. It's hard though.
THat's what I liked about this particular kind of meditation. Living in the moment is vital. If you spend your life waiting for tomorrow, you don't have a iife. Every time I hear myself say "I can't wait until my cruise in November", I have to stop myself andsay "YES YOU CAN"
There so many other times and experiences between now and then that I need to savour, to enjoy, to feel. Mindfulness keeps bringing you back to the here and now. Keeps you from getting trapped in the past or locked into the future. That works for me.
I intend to try to practice and explore what I learned, to listen to the CD, to be present in every second of my life.
Borrrred
May 07, 2012
Kay...borrrred. This broken foot is seriously messing with my moods. Having my period just adds insult to injury.
Going to see the surgeon Wednesday and hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel - aka healing well, keep it up. Worried because I know that this fat chick does NOT hop. I have used the crutches as best I can, but there ain't no way I have been able to not step down on it all the time. We shall see. My family doc says that the orthopedic surgeon I am seeing is the best of the best - and is, btw, extremely gorgeous, I met him a couple of times when I was living at the clinic with my 13 year old and his tib-fib hipwader tragedy.
We shall see.
I want to go back to work very bad. If I have to be off much longer, they are going to remote me in so I can work from here.
Grr...have to pee...bb in an hour...lol
No promises - May 6, 2012
May 06, 2012
No promises about how often i will write. I get all motivated and then I forget, and then it is too much to catch up....same old...
I do want to track my journey.
Very short and not very sweet:
I was born into an abusive household and, when my dad almost killed her, my mom left. We were very poor for a short time (my mother's family had money but they had disapproved of her marriage and took some time to thaw.
My mother was very weak emotionally and physically for quite a while and I became chief cook and bottle washer so that she could work.You might all be familiar with poverty food choices and limited skills- we ate a lot of Hamburger Helper, pasta, etc. and I was lucky enough to have inherited the fat gene from the waste of skin that was my father.
I was quite happy and very poplar until 8th grade when we moved from one end of town to the other. I lost all of my childhood friends and came into a small school where everyone knew everyone else.
My teenage life consisted of going to school, feeding the family, and then retiring to my room for the night, EVERY night to eat a smallbag of chips, a chocolate bar and a pop. Food was love, I could always count on it.
After the misery that was highschool, I took a year off and was given perscription diet pills (speed). I lost a huge amount of weight, acquired a new wardrobe and went off to university in Ottawa. I exercised my brains out but still managed to put on the "freshman 15", only closer to 30.
I took a job back home babysitting for the summer and binged and used laxatives every day nad did the 20 minute 4 times a day. The 3rd time I fainted, my mom foundy stash of laxatives, and I was threatened with hspitalization unless I worked with my doc to heal my digestion and gain 10 pounds.
Yoyo for the next 20 years including:
W***t watch** 4 times until I wanted to pound that stinking scale into dust
Atkins- great but impossible to stick to
The Zone
My doctors easy peasy no workie
I have tried every kind of exercise program possible. But fibromyalgia and arthritis don't help.
I was doing well 2 years ago when my mother died. I was lost, literally, for about a year until my psychologist found me and the 70 pounds I gained.
I have finally found an eating style that I love! A very natural diet, with very little processed food, no sugar, lots of ancient grains, legumes, veggies, seeds, i love it. It just doesn't fillme up, and I end up eating something I shouldn't. There is a day blown already, so I might as well completely blow it...you know the drill.
I jsut got my new exercise machine and my referral. The last week I broke my foot. I am not overeating simply because I can't get my own food. I am working out (fat person on crutches - worse than hot yoga.
That is only the bare minimum. Somewhere in there I was the step queen of aerobics, had 2 kids, a c-section that left me numb and a husband that I only want as a friend.
In a nutty shell
Lori
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I do want to track my journey.
Very short and not very sweet:
I was born into an abusive household and, when my dad almost killed her, my mom left. We were very poor for a short time (my mother's family had money but they had disapproved of her marriage and took some time to thaw.
My mother was very weak emotionally and physically for quite a while and I became chief cook and bottle washer so that she could work.You might all be familiar with poverty food choices and limited skills- we ate a lot of Hamburger Helper, pasta, etc. and I was lucky enough to have inherited the fat gene from the waste of skin that was my father.
I was quite happy and very poplar until 8th grade when we moved from one end of town to the other. I lost all of my childhood friends and came into a small school where everyone knew everyone else.
My teenage life consisted of going to school, feeding the family, and then retiring to my room for the night, EVERY night to eat a smallbag of chips, a chocolate bar and a pop. Food was love, I could always count on it.
After the misery that was highschool, I took a year off and was given perscription diet pills (speed). I lost a huge amount of weight, acquired a new wardrobe and went off to university in Ottawa. I exercised my brains out but still managed to put on the "freshman 15", only closer to 30.
I took a job back home babysitting for the summer and binged and used laxatives every day nad did the 20 minute 4 times a day. The 3rd time I fainted, my mom foundy stash of laxatives, and I was threatened with hspitalization unless I worked with my doc to heal my digestion and gain 10 pounds.
Yoyo for the next 20 years including:
W***t watch** 4 times until I wanted to pound that stinking scale into dust
Atkins- great but impossible to stick to
The Zone
My doctors easy peasy no workie
I have tried every kind of exercise program possible. But fibromyalgia and arthritis don't help.
I was doing well 2 years ago when my mother died. I was lost, literally, for about a year until my psychologist found me and the 70 pounds I gained.
I have finally found an eating style that I love! A very natural diet, with very little processed food, no sugar, lots of ancient grains, legumes, veggies, seeds, i love it. It just doesn't fillme up, and I end up eating something I shouldn't. There is a day blown already, so I might as well completely blow it...you know the drill.
I jsut got my new exercise machine and my referral. The last week I broke my foot. I am not overeating simply because I can't get my own food. I am working out (fat person on crutches - worse than hot yoga.
That is only the bare minimum. Somewhere in there I was the step queen of aerobics, had 2 kids, a c-section that left me numb and a husband that I only want as a friend.
In a nutty shell
Lori
