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Hmmmm

Feb 22, 2010

So it's been almost two years now and I only lost 70 lbs and gained 15 of them back. It is completely my fault and I know that. I still give myself cudos for losing what I did but am still very upset that I didn't lose more. I got to a point in my life where I was feeling good about myself and instead of enjoying it I spiralled down a dark path. I started drinking and as we all know that can put weight on you. Well, that's what happened to me. Now I'm struggeling to get it back off. I am depressed about it and don't want to go out into public. Everyone around me is having the surgery and having their WOW moments and I am so unhappy. I am jealous of them and want so badly to not be. I'm so happy because everyone deserves it. I just don't know how to get out of the funk and learn to like myself. Sometimes I think I sabatage myself because I'm afraid to be thin. I think i proved that to myself when I started drinking. Anyway, noone is going to read this but I'm just glad to vent. i have so much inside of me to get out but am afraid to say it all out loud. I'm afraid someone will here me and not understand it all. How stupid is that.
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Mar 19, 2008

I have been overweight all my life and I have type 1 diabetes which I've had for 29 years. If you know anything about type 1 diabetes, then you know that the more insulin you take the more hungry you get and the more you eat the more insulin you take and so on and so on. It's a vicious cycle. I haven't actually gotten up and moved alot either. I have all kinds of thoughts in my head about exercising but for some reason I can't get myself up to do it. I started going to college and have to walk up and down the hills on campus and OH MY GOD does it hurt. My legs burn, my back aches, I can't breathe, etc...  Well, I'm sure we all have the same story but for each of us it still hurts.  
So I have been wanting to get gastric bypass surgery now for over a year and I am finally going to get it. My surgery is tomorrow and I can't wait. I'm looking forward to not taking so many pills. My husband says I rattle when I walk from all the pills I take. I also can't wait to wear smaller clothes. My biggest thing is that I want to tuck in my dang shirt! I'm not asking for much.

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Oct 02, 2007
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