I'm blowing it....

Feb 27, 2009

So I guess old habits die hard and maybe never at all.  I've been miserable lately and really struggling with what I'm eating, and wanting to eat and I hate being this out of control.  I remember reading blog after blog with people writing this same exact thing and I always said to myself that I would not let that happen to me.  Well,  I haven't started gaining yet, but I'm out of control.  I eat sugar and way to many carbs.  I rarely dump and when I do it's sweating and palpitations, big deal!  I worked so hard and I feel like I'm jumping back into old habits head first!  I'm very depressed about my home life.  I'm finally going to day shift and I'm not looking forward to it.  I hate working days and I'll have absolutely no time to myself.  I'm doing it to improve the status of my marriage.  We are strangers and when we do speak we usually fight.  I really don't feel that my surgery or weight loss have anything to do with how things are going with us.  We've been shaky for a while and working opposite shifts was a disaster waiting to happen.  I won't give up though. I can't, I have more than myself to think about.  I want a great marriage,  I want a happy existence.  I hope that changing shifts will help all these things.  I hope I'll stop the, eating because I'm bored, habit that I've fallen back into, at night.  I'm hoping that spending more time together will bring us closer.  I really want to reach goal (130lbs.) before I reach the one year mark.  I weighed in yesterday at 141.8lbs.  I'm close and I KNOW with a little focus I CAN do it.  I need to exercise, but not sure when I'll find the time.  I think I might do a couple days of protein shakes to refocus.  I wish I could go to counseling with someone who specializes in food addiction.  No one like that in Northern Maine.  I'm feeling really discouraged and negative.  Tomorrow is a new day....

0 Comments