macktrac
I am currently 38 years old. I am married to a wonderful, supportive husband of 11 years. We have an 18 year old son who is a blessing (most days). I am a teacher in the Baltimore City Public School System. My life has not been as exciting as others, but I can see how I got here. My parents had me when they were about 17 years old. They were still yound and therefore we grew up together. As expected, I spent most of my time with my maternal grandparents. Not because my parents were horrible, but because my grandparents were more stable and I felt very secure with them. Our family, especially my grandmother, celebrated everything with food. Boy, she used to really cook! Food was the center of many days. As I look now, it was a crutch for my grandmother. I found that I was part of a wonderful family, who also happened to be emotional eaters. My relationship with my parents, especially my father, took a nose dive when they began using drugs. Luckily, I was about 17 and about to graduate from school. I had other family members that I could lean on like my maternal great grandmother and my maternal uncle (who was like a best freind). I did not know what it was like to receive a great deal of affection or attention from my dad. I was overweight and did not really have a boyfriend. I thought none of them would want me because that was what I was told (because I was fat). Therefore, the first time a guy paid any mind to me, I took what he offered (good, bad, or indifferent). As you would know it, I became pregnant and a mother at 19. My relationship with my parents was very estranged and complicated. I know that they loved my brother and I, but they were very careless at this time. So I clung to my uncle and grandparents for protection and security. Needless to say, I did not marry my son's father, but soon found that he was not someone that I wanted to be with. Not long after that my great grandmother passed from Cancer in 1995 while I was a student in college. I had to find a place to go considering the circumstances. I had to provide for myself. Not long after, my grandfather died from Cancer as well in 2000. My security blanket was shrinking. He was like a dad to me for many years. He was stern, but loving, giving, and tender in his own way. I really loved he and great grandmother greatly. I met my husband in 1994 and after dating for a while, we married in 1997. We have had some rough places, but we made it by the grace of God. We had a wonderful wedding organized and coordinated by my Uncle Tommy who was like no other uncle in the world to me! He was also about 600 lbs. (my mother's brother). He was the greatest uncle ever. He died also in 2002 on my wedding anniversary! The security blanket was getting smaller and smaller. I miss my family. Food became my better and better friend with every death. I did not know if I could make it without them, but God is a keeper. Since then, my own son has graduated school, I have obtained my Master's Degree, my marriage is intact, our home is intact, and I am hanging in there. So you see my story is not full of sexual abuse, physical abuse, or even emotinal abuse, but it is loaded with uncertainty, grief, anxiety, low self esteem, and depression. Sorting through so may challenges made me reclusive and distant. Therefore, I knew that food would not talk back. Food would not judge me and would not leave, die, or hurt me.
