martha49
i don't know what my story is, yet, but i'm working on that. I thought i new my story until i dug a little deeper and found out there's still more to be discovered. Unless you have an awful lot of time. My whole story would be too long to put here. I am almost 60 yr. old and just now dealing with this weight issue. i did not realize how much my childhood had still affected me and my eating habits, until someone in a chat room mentioned the word abuse. I asked my counselor about that and what that had to do with my nite time eating. she said when did you suffer the abuse in your life. i said at night. thne in realized that is when i don't like to be alone and look to food for comfort. Now i am wondering if the other triggers are the same way. i am going to have to stop and think each time before i eat what the childhood trigger is that is causing me to want to eat when i am not hunger. what is making me feel so insecure. i never would have put that together, if another person with a weight problem had not pointed that out to me, so i am open for input from others about how they handle those times. my counselor suggested i find place where i felt safe at night. so i now come to my back bedroom/computer room to watch tv and maybe chat. so, though i have been over my story before, i have not made those connections with eating and fear. it's fascinating to me to see how my mind is really thinking v.s. the way i perceive it to think. I thought i just eat because i don't like to be alone. No, i am afraid to be alone that is why i eat. whole different story. short form of my story is grew up in dysfunctional family. father alcoholic and mother on pills. alot of anger and verbal and physical abuse. i got the verbal abuse, brother the physical and verbal. so frightened, of physical abuse learned to be perfect to be loved. or at least to not get beaten like brother. had baby young to get out of house, hubby alkie/addict. had breakdown at young age. remarried another heavy drinker and user. late in life became alkie and addict myself. been sober 23 yrs. have 3 sons and 11 grandchildren and another on the way. have been extremely blessed and hope to have by pass surgery so i can live to enjoy my grandchildren. I am a christian and my hp is Jesus.
