MeliT
Oof...my story is long and I'm sure its much like all your stories. Been heavy since puberty. Which is funny because I was always a very petite child with way too much energy. But once puberty hit the weight just continued to pile on. I've tried more things that I'd like to admit and spent way more money than I care to remember trying to lose weight. I've found that if I try really hard I can lose up to 20 or 30 lbs but thats it. I end up gaining it all back and then some as they say.
Last year I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. Everything suddenly made sense. And I felt a huge relief because I knew I wasn't some monster. My body had been working against me all these years. I was also pissed that no one bothered to put the pieces together till now. When I think of all the years I spent being unhealthy. I came very close to getting diabetes. Thank God they caught this when they did. I've been on Metformin since sept of 09. It has helped my insulin resistance and many of my numbers are looking better. However I was only about to lose about 25lbs and then I've sort of been staying around the 20lb mark since then, fluctuating but more so in the up direction.
I just turned 30. A baby is something I have wanted since I was in my early 20s. I got married in 2006. In 2007 I gave myself a 3 yr plan. I would get a job, lose weight, get a house and then I can have a baby. I set up these goals for myself because my husband and I want to be practical and be in the best situation for parenthood. So A year went by, two years, no job, no house. Then in 2009 I went back to school for Video Production. Then I discovered about the PCOS. I was at around 282lbs. I was told by more than one doctor to consider gastric bypass. But I was not hearing it. No way. I wasn't that bad off. So here we are June 2010. I have no job (not for lack of trying believe you me!), we're in the process of getting a house but we're waiting for the bank to approve the short sale, all in all I'm pretty much in the same place. I have had to watching my friends get pregnant and have babies and it kills me. I cry about it often. I have wanted to be pregnant and have a child for so long now. I want it more than most people I know. At this point I was just like fuck the job, fuck the weight, I want a baby.
But there's so many issues with someone my weight getting pregnant. And I know at this weight I simply won't have the energy or stamina to take care of a baby or a child. And I don't want to be a lazy mom. I've been lazy too long. It finally dawned on me. I finally gave in to the realization that something drastic needs to happen. I need this surgery. All my doctors think its the right thing for me. I know everyone in my family will be relieved. I'm ready to do whatever it takes. Even if it means waiting 2 more years (torture) to have a baby.
At this point I'm just praying my insurance will cover it because we are in no position financially (one income, one care, house buying) to pay for this ourselves. And our parents aren't in the position to help. So this really is my last shot. Please please please let this happen for me. I certainly have paid my dues. I've spent 20yrs being fat and trying to lose weight. I want to be that fun outgoing person I was as a kid. I don't want to hide inside anymore. I want to make this change before my trooper of a body gives up on me. I want to live.
*update*
insurance didn't cover surgery. in fact my husband's company insurance specifically excluded weight loss surgery. our only choice was to pay out of pocket. so we ended up giving up the house we were closing on. definitely a sacrifice but well worth it. please know that everything happens for a reason. if you don't get something you want, its because you're not ready, because something better is coming. i truly believe that.
