melly37
I have struggled with my weight since I was about 11 years old. I always had about an extra 20 or 30 pounds to deal with. At the age of 16 I started putting on even more weight, and by the time I had my 17th birthday I was carrying about 210 pounds on my 5' 2" frame. I know that some of my weight issues stem from sexual abuse from my father that started in kindergarten (at least that's my earliest memory of it) and lasted until I left the house. Food was my comfort in sad, frightening times, and my side-kick in good, celebatory times.
I'm sure subconsciously I was using the fat as a shield, a shield that would keep perverts away. I wanted a boyfriend, I wanted a normal life, and there were periods in my life that I was able to achieve those things. I could starve myself down to a "normal" weight, but it never lasted for long. Food, my best friend, my worst enemy, always managed to overcome any achievements I had made and take over my life once again.
After meeting the wrong guy, but ending up with a great son.....marrying the wrong man out of lonliness...and several added pounds I think I finally found sanity in my life. Although, I am a strong believer of women not NEEDING a man to make them whole and happy, I found just that. My life was changed for the better when I met someone on the internet. My son was 5 years old at the time (ten years ago), so it was risky. I have been with that wonderful guy ever since. We got married in 2004 after living together for a long time. He has been a great dad for my son, and he has taught me a lot about myself. He has stepped back and allowed me to grow and find out what I needed to do to be healthy on the inside.
I finally bit the bullet and went in to therapy that was long overdue. It's kind of hard to move on until you've dealt with the past. I had weekly sessions for almost two years. I was able to realize that what my parents did to me was horrible, but that I am a survivor, a strong person, and have a lot to be thankful for. : )
My therapist is not trained in helping with food disorders, so unfortunately with all of the help she gave me I was still left with my obsession over food. The first thought in the morning was food and the last thought before drifting off to sleep was food. Although, I can eat BIG portions I have never been a binge eater. I just like to get the big double cheeseburgers, large fries...and of course my DIET coke! LOL My food choices are very poor. I was diagnosed with diabetes about 7 years ago (man, time flies!). I controlled my blood sugar with doing Dr Atkins diet for awhile, and manged to lose some weight....but after some family drama (before therapy) I reverted back to my scrumptios and comforting carbs. I am now taking medications to control my blood sugar.
I look at my 15 year old son and see him having some weight issues (not as bad as me), and I know it's my fault since we hardly ever have healthy meals. I look at my marriage and very supportive and loving husband and know that we BOTH deserve to have a healthier, skinnier me. I am very committed to turning over a new leaf. I want to start being more active and eat healthy, vitamin packed foods. I am convinced that the band will help me achieve this. I have ready many successful stories on this sight, and have seen some amazing transformations. After all of the work I have done to heal myself on the inside, I want to heal myself health and image-wise.
I know there will be frustrating days with the band....I have seen plenty of posts from other bandsters that can verify that....but, I think in the end it will be all worth it! I can't wait to get started on my new life!